Rose760

Well, I publicly embarrassed myself, again, this weekend. In a variety of places and to many witnesses. Awesome. I feel like death and, emotionally, I am barely holding it together.
For the past few months I have been dancing around the idea that maybe I just need to quit drinking all together and I have finally concluded that, indeed, alcohol and I will never be friends. I am not living the life that I want to live so long as I have one day like this one.
I don't drink every day. I don't even drink every week. But when I do drink, I really go for it. It seems to make some people pass out but, for me, I get almost amped up and basically just lose it. It's really weird, it's very destructive and I hate it.
If anyone has some suggestions/coping tools for me, or even just words of encouragement I would be obliged.

connection2reco

I know it may seem rough now, but the first few days always do. I have been there myself and have lived in your shoes. I can promise that it will get better and that you can do anything that you put your mind to.

Quitting drinking will be one of the hardest things you ever have to do but I promise you that it is worth all of the heartache that may seem torturous at this moment. If you need any help we have an outreach that can help in any way possible and is here 24 hours a day if you need help. Just shoot me a message and I'll do whatever I can to make sure that you find what you are looking for.

Stay strong and hang in there. It is all worth it and you can definitely do it.

ZaBoozer

Welcome. One day at a time. Baby steps b

Thepatman

Make a plan, quit for good, and leave the past and shame where they belong, in the past.

Make today your day 1, and build a new sober life that does not include Alcohol.
Take it as if you are allergic to it.

Rock on!

Rose760

Thank you so much. I really needed to hear that and I appreciate your response. The day after is a lonely place. One that I hope to never visit again.

Bmac

Good news! You don't have to, ever.

Rose760

Thank you for your words. I, truly, appreciate it. I think going at this as if I am allergic to alcohol is a great idea and one I will employ.

Charlie117926

I've been through the vicious cycle you speak of hundreds of times. Save yourself the continued headache and misery and do as others have recommended. Get a plan in place that works for you that will help you to stay sober. You can do it. Many people on here are living proof that the sober life is possible.

Rose760

Thank you. I know I don't want to find myself in this position again. I just can't do it anymore. Feeling this general sense of malaise and disappointment in self is not how I want to continue my life going forward. I was 100% distracted at work today and spent most of my day designing a plan to help me cope with triggering situations in the future. I am sure I am in for a challenging summer.

Charlie117926

Rose

It is not easy but it is worth it. The cycle you speak of nearly cost me everything including my marriage. It took me a while as i had to find out what worked for me. I had to change everything. You can do this Rose!

Wastinglife

Sounds like we are the same type of drunks Rose. I have made a public spectacle of myself far too many times. I am a very destructive drinker, a Jekyll and Hyde to the extreme.

It all starts with day 1. The guilt and shame is tough but that wasn't the real you. Take comfort in the fact that you are a good person who has a problem with alcohol. the solution is to stop drinking period

Soberwolf

Welcome Rose i hope this helps http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

Rose760

Oh boy... I have used the Jekyll and Hyde description of myself often, sadly. Oddly enough, I take comfort knowing there's another Mr Hyde drunk out there. So, thanks for that! The person I am when I am drunk is such a departure from my sober self it is disturbing.
You're right that the only solution is to stop drinking. I am just totally incapable of moderation. I will never be the "social drinker" type.

Rose760

I am sorry to hear that. I feel I am just about at that edge where the things I value and the folks I love will start slipping away from me if I don't stop the drunken antics. It's a bad spot to be in. I hope you are on the upswing from that, now.

Hevyn

Hi Rose.

Please be kind to yourself. You're here, trying to do something about your drinking - many never see what it's doing to them. I was the same way - once it was in my system there was no telling what would happen. I put myself in many dangerous & humiliating situations. It was hard to admit that alcohol changed me into someone I didn't recognize. It had to go - I couldn't take the chance. I stopped after decades of drama, and you can too Rose.

Rose760

Thank you, Hevyn. Dangerous and humiliating situations pretty much sums it up. I am so glad to know there are other people who have been here before and have risen above. Remembering to be kind to oneself is good advice...

Charlie117926

Since i removed the alcohol from my life, life and marriage has greatly improved. Like hevyn said be kind to yourself. Today is the first day of the rest of your new life!

Anna

Rose, I had a huge amount of guilt and shame at the end of my drinking days. It's horrible the way that alcoholism eats away at your soul. It tries to completely destroy us. Use the regret you feel right now to get a foothold on recovery and then before long you will be feeling better and on the right path.

TNTStill

I know regret would get me down and bug me to the point where I would wanna drink so I understand.

I'm working on leaving the past were it belongs and living in the new day. Its helping me thus far.

Stay as positive as you can.

least

Welcome to the family Rose! I'm glad you joined us.