thomas11

Drank on Friday/Saturday, I feel "off", didn't sleep worth a crap last night. Telling myself I do no have to do this again. I don't want to do this again. I hate it.

I need to grow up. And it shouldn't be this hard, I actually like who I am when I'm sober (which is most of the time, thankfully). Just had to get that off my chest.

GhostFace

Hello Thomas,


I know the feeling. The weekend is when I do most of my drinking waking up feeling like a crap and wasting the day in bed not able to do much. Hope you are feeling better and looking into recovery

ScottFromWI

You are 100% correct...now you just have to do it, right? The concept is actually pretty simple....but simple doesn't always mean "easy".

Do you have any ideas on what you might do differently this time around so you don't end up in the same place again? Go to a meeting? See a counselor? Join a weekly/daily thread here? Change your daily habits ( where you go, what you do, who you do it with )?

thomas11

Hi Scott, not at the moment. My daily habits will change as we start work tomorrow for summer. That will help. Believe it or not I do have my priorities pretty straight. I will not booze interfere with work. Work always comes first.

silentrun

Might be time to put together a plan B Jeff. Plan A for me is to use SR and keep getting better. If I can't do it that way I am willing to go to AA or a smart recovery meeting. I checked and MN does have them.

If it gets bad enough it will be a treatment center and I really don't want it to come to that.
What are you willing to do?

thomas11

I am willing to put forth a lot more effort than what I have been doing. I went 2 weekends with tremendous improvement, then this past weekend, it was a bit much.

At the end of the day, its just disappointment in myself. Disappointment because its merely a matter of discipline. I truly don't feel I'm addicted to alcohol. I don't need it, I want it. But I drink too much on the weekends.

thomas11

Is it possible to experience mild withdrawal drinking one and half to two days?

Arbor

Hey Thomas. It took me a year to commit to stopping. On again, off again BS. Once I did I joined a class here on SR. That helped tremendously. What a support system I have now of close friends. I'm now six months in and will never look back. You already have the wheels in motion. Now just put it to work. Best of luck to you.

SDH73

Just a thought here, Thomas. If it's a problem then it's a problem, whether it's a "want" or a "need". And if you find that you are still drinking despite your desire to not do so, that would seem to indicate that it's a problem, yes?

ScottFromWI

Do you see the contradiction in your statement above?

I would remind you of a quote you posted just a couple of weeks ago too. What has changed since then?

It has been suggested that I create a plan and commit it to paper, so this is what I've come up with so far:

1. prioritize my life, with alcohol not being anywhere on the list. My marriage and my business are 1 and 2.
2. No booze in the house.
3. Drive past the liquor store, pretend its not there.
4. Exercise more.
5. Stay an active member of this site.
6. Become more involved with my nephews and their sports participation.

I'm open to further suggestions. I'm getting pretty worn out on being disappointed in myself, feeling like crap on Sundays and being unproductive on weekends.

ScottFromWI

Yes, most definitely. And it generally gets worse each time.

firstymer

Ah, but it IS hard. That is why there are so many alcoholics out there. Because it is hard to quit.

But it is worth the effort, thomas11.

Good luck. Keep working at it. You can DO this.

thomas11

Not really. I don't need alcohol to get through the day.

I generally have a good time and don't create drama. For example Saturday I went to a friend of mine's and we had a little wrestling tournament with his kids which I refereed. They are 4,6,7 respectively. It was fun, but yeah, we were drinking the whole time.

ScottFromWI

So don't drink alcohol then, problem solved, right?

thomas11

I believe so. I've read on this site many times, just don't pick up.

ScottFromWI

Go back through and read some of your threads that you have started in the last 2 months. Ask yourself if you think that just "dont pick up" is going to be an adequate recovery plan for you. Only you know the answer.

ArtFriend

Check out that link that Dee posted about an action plan. Really good stuff there

silentrun

I didn't need alcohol either. It was just something I did. More of a compulsion than an addiction. That compulsion was probably going to be the bridge to an actual physical addiction. Saying you are willing to put more effort is vague. The idea of joining a class of thread is a good one.

doggonecarl

You've been posting long enough to have seen posts that state, "Acceptance is key," or "I had to accept I had a problem before I could stay sober."

You accept you drink too much, but fail to accept the depth of your problem. Saying it's a just problem with discipline, or just a problem about not having enough will power, will keep you from attempting beneficial recovery methods and have you chasing your sober tail for a long time.

thomas11

I've been chasing my tail for long enough. You are right Carl, I don't think I've accepted anything yet. Haven't accepted I have a problem, haven't accepted I need to do something about it. And as long I remain in that middle ground, I will get the same results. Which are not positive.