My Higher Power..
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 19
My Higher Power..
I have found it, and it is me.
I think I've found my passion for food again. I've always had one, but it's been greatly diminished by some very nasty, very psychologically overriding things that happened in my past. Things which have consumed me for a long time, and which I find incredibly difficult to let go of. Another obstacle has been indecision in career paths, but that changed more than a year ago, when I found myself leaning towards the medical field. When I found out that some criminal history would prevent me from achieving my goals, I was pretty much devastated. That lead to the most recent binge, which lead me here.
One thing I've rediscovered is a passion for making people's bellyies very happy. The one thing that I always found prohibitive about becoming a chef, was the hours. If you really want to make it as a chef, you're going to be putting in more hours than dedicated physician, and you're not likely to make half the money. Now, while I love food, I am definitely not one of those people who could live their jobs. There is so much in this world to experience, so many people to share those experiences with, I just find it madness to spend most every waking hour on the job.
In 2004, I became enamored with street food, and from the stories I've heard from the people who do it. Now, there are some who run big food trucks, with expansive menus that require tons of prep time, and they spend a good 1/4 of their day, or more, just in commissary. I just wanted to start small, and maybe work my way into a small brick and mortar deal with a slightly bigger menu-if you have them in your area, imagine a snow cone stand, but a big one. Just a small, static location with an outdoor eating area.
I never did that though, and I'm kicking myself for it. I had before that developed another addiction, to computers, and I determined that I wanted to pursue a career in web design or coding, but that got boring pretty quick, and I prefer working with hardware, but there's no real market for a small operation building custom computers anymore.
I've had all sorts of ideas, and all the time I've spent looking I've also been in the kitchen making friends and family smile, and that joy was just lost on me (largely because of the hours/pay thing).
I'm done with the ********, and procrastination. I'm going to start something. I'm not exactly sure what, but I'm leaning towards the simplicity of hot dogs to get me started. I'm aiming at Knoxville, TN, now, for certain. I just learned about their pilot program for street food vendors, and they have the perfect place for me to set up shop.
I was looking to work around my son's schedule, and which in two years when he turns five, is going to be a get your ass to school schedule. Well, Knoxville has a spot downtown, right next to a small park, near a major hotel, parking lots, and businesses, and designated hours for operation are-get this: 10am-2pm, and 4pm-8pm. I wake up, get the boy ready, get him to school, to get commissary and prep fresh ingredients, serve the lunch crowd, go get my boy, and he could either go to day care, a friend's house, or he could come hang out with me at the park, and be my little helper. And I would have no managers, no corporate ******** to cope with, just the joy of making people with full bellies walk away with a smile.
It always comes back around to the biological father side of me. He was a chef, and I guess it's in my genes, as it were. But the biological mother side of me, conversely says, **** spending my life in a kitchen. I think a towable food cart is going to be the best thing for me, and I may never move on from that, which unfortunately means I'll never have the expansive menu I've been concocting recently, but I will have opportunities to try them out.
There are always events-seasonal festivals, concerts, bike rallies, cultural gatherings, you name it. I'm even planning on invading (with permission) Knoxville's hindu culture festival, and bring them the glories of the American Hot Dog, fused with few select flavors from Indian cuisine.
This dish is called Pav Bahji, and it's fantastic curry just the way it is, but it's begging to be transformed! It's got everything but a nice, fat charred sausage to bridge the gap between American and Indian cuisine.
I may never be rich, but it's gonna be fun, and I'll have all the free time I want to go camping and fly fishing with my boy in the Smoky Mountains. It's a beautiful thing to look forward to.
Moving towards living life on my own terms with passion and joy, and taking care of my son, is going to be my therapy.
I think I've found my passion for food again. I've always had one, but it's been greatly diminished by some very nasty, very psychologically overriding things that happened in my past. Things which have consumed me for a long time, and which I find incredibly difficult to let go of. Another obstacle has been indecision in career paths, but that changed more than a year ago, when I found myself leaning towards the medical field. When I found out that some criminal history would prevent me from achieving my goals, I was pretty much devastated. That lead to the most recent binge, which lead me here.
One thing I've rediscovered is a passion for making people's bellyies very happy. The one thing that I always found prohibitive about becoming a chef, was the hours. If you really want to make it as a chef, you're going to be putting in more hours than dedicated physician, and you're not likely to make half the money. Now, while I love food, I am definitely not one of those people who could live their jobs. There is so much in this world to experience, so many people to share those experiences with, I just find it madness to spend most every waking hour on the job.
In 2004, I became enamored with street food, and from the stories I've heard from the people who do it. Now, there are some who run big food trucks, with expansive menus that require tons of prep time, and they spend a good 1/4 of their day, or more, just in commissary. I just wanted to start small, and maybe work my way into a small brick and mortar deal with a slightly bigger menu-if you have them in your area, imagine a snow cone stand, but a big one. Just a small, static location with an outdoor eating area.
I never did that though, and I'm kicking myself for it. I had before that developed another addiction, to computers, and I determined that I wanted to pursue a career in web design or coding, but that got boring pretty quick, and I prefer working with hardware, but there's no real market for a small operation building custom computers anymore.
I've had all sorts of ideas, and all the time I've spent looking I've also been in the kitchen making friends and family smile, and that joy was just lost on me (largely because of the hours/pay thing).
I'm done with the ********, and procrastination. I'm going to start something. I'm not exactly sure what, but I'm leaning towards the simplicity of hot dogs to get me started. I'm aiming at Knoxville, TN, now, for certain. I just learned about their pilot program for street food vendors, and they have the perfect place for me to set up shop.
I was looking to work around my son's schedule, and which in two years when he turns five, is going to be a get your ass to school schedule. Well, Knoxville has a spot downtown, right next to a small park, near a major hotel, parking lots, and businesses, and designated hours for operation are-get this: 10am-2pm, and 4pm-8pm. I wake up, get the boy ready, get him to school, to get commissary and prep fresh ingredients, serve the lunch crowd, go get my boy, and he could either go to day care, a friend's house, or he could come hang out with me at the park, and be my little helper. And I would have no managers, no corporate ******** to cope with, just the joy of making people with full bellies walk away with a smile.
It always comes back around to the biological father side of me. He was a chef, and I guess it's in my genes, as it were. But the biological mother side of me, conversely says, **** spending my life in a kitchen. I think a towable food cart is going to be the best thing for me, and I may never move on from that, which unfortunately means I'll never have the expansive menu I've been concocting recently, but I will have opportunities to try them out.
There are always events-seasonal festivals, concerts, bike rallies, cultural gatherings, you name it. I'm even planning on invading (with permission) Knoxville's hindu culture festival, and bring them the glories of the American Hot Dog, fused with few select flavors from Indian cuisine.
This dish is called Pav Bahji, and it's fantastic curry just the way it is, but it's begging to be transformed! It's got everything but a nice, fat charred sausage to bridge the gap between American and Indian cuisine.
I may never be rich, but it's gonna be fun, and I'll have all the free time I want to go camping and fly fishing with my boy in the Smoky Mountains. It's a beautiful thing to look forward to.
Moving towards living life on my own terms with passion and joy, and taking care of my son, is going to be my therapy.
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Wollongong NSW
Posts: 241
Originally Posted by greens 
I love that "I've found my higher power, and it's me" Congrats
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
No Sam, I think it's just friendly banter w/only a touch of sarcasm. We all had to go there to get here. Think of it as growing-more-aware pains. I said the same of The Hitch's passing: In 100 yrs. this would be a non-event (the Chris Hitchens "inyourfaceness") as common-sense is taking over. Thanks for being the word police though....I abhor the whole powerless thing too and THAT reference makes us blatant finger-pointers. I would love to be free of past influences but I gotta say that language and mindset are a part of what I and you are trying to recover from.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
A guy in my town started out doing hot-dogs on the corner some 4 yrs. back. He uses a propane torch and is a balloon artist also. This guy is just fun to give $6 bucks for a good dog to. He now is stationary with a huge size dog-cart and offset mustard-can-bathroom. He still does it all right there in front of you (even habenero chz fries....w/a torch)--you just know where to find him and he's done well for himself even in a town of 35,000. He's living his dream....and they are tasty.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Why not just listen from our hearts and stop thinking we can put things into exact words that will explain experience in a "properly acceptable" manner?
Originally Posted by samseb5351
I am not sure what you mean by this, if its a higher power and its you, what is it about that power that makes it "Higher" Higher than what? Would it not be better just to call it ability, and would it not be more accurate to describe it as something you developed and not found? I understand that it may just be semantics to some But when any of us describe processes to sobriety I would suggest we avoid the vague language of POWERS and start getting more clearer about what occurred.
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Wollongong NSW
Posts: 241
Originally Posted by ananda
Why not just listen from our hearts and stop thinking we can put things into exact words that will explain experience in a "properly acceptable" manner?
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by samseb5351
Where are you getting the idea that I am suggesting we use exact words.
Originally Posted by samseb5351
But when any of us describe processes to sobriety I would suggest we avoid the vague language of POWERS and start getting more clearer about what occurred.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
Posts: 7,242
for some (me, for example) it's important to find the right language/words to help get a grip or express what i mean.
so i get "accused" of playing with semantics, or being "word police", too.
regardless of that, yes, of course my heart can hear.
that, too, is true
always remembering what's vague to me is crystal clear to someone else.
so i get "accused" of playing with semantics, or being "word police", too.
regardless of that, yes, of course my heart can hear.
that, too, is true
always remembering what's vague to me is crystal clear to someone else.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,425
Originally Posted by samseb5351
Where are you getting the idea that I am suggesting we use exact words. My posts now and always are about opening a dialogue, asking questions and working through things. I think you maybe latching onto Anattaboys idea that I was acting like "word police" which is insulting on many levels. PS: The reason I don't just listen from my heart, is my heart doesn't have ears, its function is to pump blood around my body.
Hopefully in time we will know each other better!
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Hi ananda good to see you again
Sam...
When I say something like "I am my higher power", what I mean is that the power that others use to keep them sober, the power that is so oft described as necessary to staying off the drink, that power...well that power is within me, not outside of me.
So that phrase makes perfect sense if you look at the context within which the phrase "higher power" is generally used.
qzvar, best to you on your new endeavor. "People who love to eat are always the best people." - Julia Child
Sam...
When I say something like "I am my higher power", what I mean is that the power that others use to keep them sober, the power that is so oft described as necessary to staying off the drink, that power...well that power is within me, not outside of me.
So that phrase makes perfect sense if you look at the context within which the phrase "higher power" is generally used.
qzvar, best to you on your new endeavor. "People who love to eat are always the best people." - Julia Child
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Fresno
Posts: 106
Originally Posted by ananda
Why not just listen from our hearts and stop thinking we can put things into exact words that will explain experience in a "properly acceptable" manner?
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,359
Originally Posted by samseb5351
I am not sure what you mean by this, if its a higher power and its you, what is it about that power that makes it "Higher" Higher than what? Would it not be better just to call it ability, and would it not be more accurate to describe it as something you developed and not found? I understand that it may just be semantics to some But when any of us describe processes to sobriety I would suggest we avoid the vague language of POWERS and start getting more clearer about what occurred.
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