Joli

I have been reading threads on how ladies rented an apartment, schedule movers and left their AH by moving out.

How do you leave an AH when you are the primary breadwinner? The house is in my name, I pay all the utilities, also in my name.

He lost his job this week, but does have a pension coming in. I could tell him to go live in the cabin while I live in house. After all, he is not working.

I see a separation as last ditch effort. Would he change then? He was gone for 10 days to Central America on vacation in March. I wrote down how I felt so I could remember:

1. Went to bed earlier, walked dogs
2. Was sleeping better, radio to sleep
3. Watched TV shows I wanted!
4. No one being snarky with me.
5. No one lied to me.
6. Did not miss him.
7. Life felt the same, activities not much different than when him here.
8. Said he really missed me. (Code for needed sex)!
9. Went out to eat instead cooking.

While gone, I was in 4 car pile-up accident and had to handle that event by myself. Luckily car was still driveable.

I do not want him around as his childish actions distract me.

Any suggestions?

LexieCat

When I left my second husband, I was the only one employed, and he had just signed a lease renewal for the house I had just told him we could no longer afford. I left him enough money for one more month's rent there and told him it was his problem from there on out.

The thing is, though, when you're married and own property, it gets complicated. Even though the house is in your name you can't simply kick him out. Depending on how long you were married and when (and how) the house was purchased, he may have an ownership interest in the house.

I'd suggest consulting a lawyer (or a couple) first thing and find out what your options might be. It will all be driven by the law in your jurisdiction.

redatlanta

I suppose you will have to have a discussion with him and ask him to move out. Maybe you can come to an agreement. If he gets nasty and decides to stay I suppose you will have to go the route of waiting it out while you divorce or living somewhere else temporarily.

DMC

Here's what I did.

He had a trip with his dad scheduled, but was in no condition to go. Ultimately, he needed a medical detox because of his prior withdrawal issues, so I ended up shipping him off to rehab. He only agreed to 3 days (which was fine - it got him out of the house.) While he was still there (somewhere around the 6 week mark) I told him he couldn't come home and had conveniently packed all his stuff into his SUV, which my mother graciously drove halfway across the country to his parent's home.

He begged and pleaded, but I'd had enough and had no idea how I'd ever get him out again. (Wasn't working, did nothing but sit around and drink.) So a one-way ticket halfway across the country to his mom's worked for me.

A couple months later, I filed for divorce.
Agreed - talk to a lawyer. I shelled out a small fortune in alimony and it was worth it to me.

lillamy

Well, honestly, his life isn't really your thing to worry about.
It's up to him to figure out how to handle it.

I'd get legal advice on what my rights are and go from there. Worry about yourself, not about him.

Thumper

I did things with no planning so this isn't necessarily the recommended route - just sharing how it went down for me. He was working part time initially. I asked him to move out for awhile in August. He refused. I went to talk to a lawyer and decided to file for divorce in order to get temporary use of the house and temporary custody of the kids. I didn't even want a divorce, I just needed him to leave so I could think straight. I got that and this meant he had to go. I then explained that he could go on his own or with a police escort but he was going. He freaked out and signed into a detox/rehab. I stupidly agreed for him to come back home after the 30 days so had to go through it again. It was harder the second time. He relapsed and got fired. He then went on vacation with his sister. Came home. I again told him he had to do something to get out! He applied for and received a low income apartment for about $30/month. He had my credit card for 2-3 months and paid me back the balance upon receiving the divorce payout (it was in the divorce papers). He was out before Christmas, we were divorced in January (then he had $$) and our house sold in March.

Bottom line - he's an adult. He can figure it out.

maybear

I asked my husband to leave. I gave him warnings in advance (it wasn't just sprung on him one day) and when the drinking continued I followed through with what I said I would do - kick him out if he continued to drink.

I had a family member here to support me on the day he was to leave so that things didn't get nasty.

My house and everything is in my name too. If he did try and take me to court I would deal with it but I don't think he would.

I knew my husband had family and friends he would stay with. Yours is probably more resourceful than you think. If you let him know that you won't tolerate it in the house then it's up to him really if he wants to stay. He knows what he will need to do to keep his family and home.

Refiner

The good new is you're in the driver's seat! Must be nice to go on a twe week vacation in La La Land somewhere down in South America then come home and be fired! I would lawyer up immediately and at least file for separation to separate your finances until you figure things out. He could retaliate on you and screw you up financially since at this point he has little to lose and you're in the financial driver's seat. Open up a separate banking account first thing (if you have a joint one now), get credit cards separated, and get a lawyer. Then you can figure out what to do with him, lol.

Latte

Ex told me I couldn't come home while I was in rehab. He did tell me I could come home if I went to rehab and then sober living (which I did) but then said I couldn't come home at all when I got to rehab and he filed for divorce. TBH, it was over way before he filed for divorce and while I was in rehab I came to the conclusion that I couldn't live with him either, but it took some clean/sober time for me to be able to admit that.

Did he lie in the beginning? Yes. It was for the best in the end.

Florence

Basically, after the last of his shenanigans, I had the locks on the doors changed. We were married, but didn't own the house. I told him he wasn't welcome anymore and bet that he wouldn't call my bluff and try to force his way inside. At that time we were talking about figuring it out and getting back together, but after some months, he was back in rehab again after losing another job and I filed for divorce then.

I made all the money, I paid all the bills, I bought the clothes on his back, I took care of our kids, I bought the food and the gas and entertainment, so when it came time to call it, I had the locks changed and changed the code on the garage door, and I called his parents and told him that whatever he said, he'd relapsed again and disappeared again and I was done with him, and that he's probably show up there in a few days. Which he did.