beachygirl

i have written 2 threads about my ex be and best friend and how he dumped me out of no where and now acts like I don't exist. All of the advise given by all of you is 100% correct but I have struggled with action. Last night HE "unfriended" me on Facebook, which had been the only means of communicating. I feel as if he gutted me! Maybe it is stupid to feel this way but that took thought to do that and it seems as if he hates me, even though I shouldn't care. I'm just so hurt...

CarmenLove

HI Beachygirl,

I'm so sorry.

However I do not think it means he hates you. It could mean any number of things including that he feels guilty every time he sees your profile or that it highlights his weaknesses which he may not want to look at!

Thinking that it means he hates you is torturing yourself with that thought.

I'm sorry for your pain.

beachygirl

I am tortured, to say the least! We cannot get into their minds and as my dad for used to say that I would never want to be in his head. Guess the fact that he did the unfriending makes me,once again, take this all so personally. It's as if he kicked me in the stomach from 400 miles away!

allmirages

I'm very sorry, as well. I know how bad it hurts and it feels impossible not to take it personally. Since my ex did the same, Cut me out with no explanation or warning, I am still struggling and it's been over 2 months. Some days I am happy to be away from him because I know he and I would never have the life I envision...one that is open and honest and absent of addiction. I'm sorry I can't give you a formula to make the pain go away. I take the advice from those here and my Alanon group...work on me. I read all the heartbreaking stories of what others go through here that are married to their addicts...I know it's not the life I want...yet....I still feel pain. I think it is part of grieving, though. So, I try to feel all my feelings, with the hope that one day I will truly be at peace that it wasn't meant to be and God has someone or something better for me. Hugs to you, I really mean that. Wish I could erase the pain, I know how deep it hurts!

AWorriedFather

Beachgirl,

Have you seen the post "what addicts do"? My son was very much like this. Moves forward with my son had to be treated like rational business deals.

beachygirl

Thank you Allmirages and Carmen Love. Until someone has been touched by addiction and its crippling effects they cannot know how devastating it is. Well meaning family and friends are keeping me busy and repeating how this is a blessing, but that doesn't fix the hole in my heart or the blow to my self esteem when I question myself...even though I know better.

I am so thankful for the wisdom shared on this site. I read the stories and see that there is a commonality and that should be answer enough, but yet I want him to call and explain. I am just crazy enough to say that I still hope he will reach out again. Those feelings could change on my part but that is what I am feeling today.

Nowiamawas1026

Beachygirl, I am glad I am not alone in wanting contact. I'm trying desperately not to....it's so hard because all of this seems so black and white to me, but my judgement isn't clouded, nor am I being controlled by a substance. It's so crazy to think a stupid manufactured substance could grow to mean so much to someone. It's all fake. Don't they get that?!?! All of their feelings are fake!!!

Sorry. Instead of sending him all this jargon I've been doing a ton of reading and posting today.

Thank you for your post, I'm glad I'm not alone in this <3

beachygirl

Oh you are most definitely not alone. It has been 2 months since I've seen him and over a month since this nightmare started. Sometimes it seems as if it has been forever...I still miss him so painfully. His mother told me Wed night that he and his chick are living under her roof. God that hurt.

His mom also told me that he "doesn't hate me he is just trying to move on with his life". WTF. She said they are not clean and she is so frustrated by the whole situation but what is the allure of this woman? I was nothing but good to him? I agree with you...how can we reconcile in our minds that a substance can remove all logic and cause one to eliminate good people for bad ones.

I'm so sorry you are hurting, too. I hope to never feel this again, which is the bright spot of getting out now. Like you, I am reading every book I can get my hands on and every website. Hopefully one day we will get answers or we will just no longer care!

Hugs to all...

SuzyMarie

The 'allure' is shared addiction....

beachygirl

Thank you SuzyMarie foe replying. You believe the shared hobby of drug abuse is enough for a person to forget all his friends and make this woman " the love of his life"? I know that is where logic goes out the window but it just seems there has to be something else, although his mom swears she is neither nice, pretty nor intelligent. Breaks my spirit...

SuzyMarie

My ex had several 'loves of his life'...and funny he used that same phrase. There is no logic when it comes to addiction. I know it hurts and it sucks. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make you feel better. This really shouldn't be the point but that pairing will not last and be prepared for him to try and come back...they always do. But ask yourself if that's what you really want for yourself anyway? Do you want him as he is? How much of your spirit do you want to continue to give away based on the fantasy of what it could be like as opposed to what it really is?