My son has only been home for 3 days...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 20
My son has only been home for 3 days...
And all he is doing is sitting in his room on an ipad, texting I don't know who and listening to music. I worked late the first night he came home, so I didn't notice. Last night I also got home a little late because I went food shopping and when I came home he came out to eat and went back in and turned on the annoying music with the more annoying bass. I made him turn it off at 9pm, but had to ask several times. I asked him to come out and watch a movie with us, but he wouldn't.
Today, I left him a note asking him to do 3 specific things, which consisted of making 2 phone calls, getting his belongings out of the family room AND PUTTING THEM AWAY, NOT JUST MOVING THEM TO HIS ROOM and locating some text books in his stuff that need to be returned. I texted him at noon and he was just getting up. grrrr. He made the calls, was actually on one when I got home, (grrr, because that means he waited until the last minute) but I had to bring the box of his stuff up to his room and nag him to find the textbooks.
He doesn't start IOP until Monday and refuses to go to meetings even though his discharge papers say 90 meetings in 90 days. He doesn't think he's an addict and has no urge to use so he doesn't buy into AA/NA and avoided those meetings during rehab. I want him to go to meetings, if anything to connect with people and find sober people to socialize with.
My husband is no help. He says the kid just got home, leave him alone. He never backs me up. We haven't drawn up a written list of boundaries. I'm really disappointed that the rehab didn't work with us on that before he left.
How is someone in recovery supposed to get their life back together laying on their bed? His friends are all a bunch of stoners so he can't go out with them although he says he would have no problem hanging out with them and not smoking. He won't be going to school until at least the fall or maybe summer, because the reason he's in rehab is because he got kicked out for dealing.
Am I expecting too much too soon?
Sorry for the long ramble.
Today, I left him a note asking him to do 3 specific things, which consisted of making 2 phone calls, getting his belongings out of the family room AND PUTTING THEM AWAY, NOT JUST MOVING THEM TO HIS ROOM and locating some text books in his stuff that need to be returned. I texted him at noon and he was just getting up. grrrr. He made the calls, was actually on one when I got home, (grrr, because that means he waited until the last minute) but I had to bring the box of his stuff up to his room and nag him to find the textbooks.
He doesn't start IOP until Monday and refuses to go to meetings even though his discharge papers say 90 meetings in 90 days. He doesn't think he's an addict and has no urge to use so he doesn't buy into AA/NA and avoided those meetings during rehab. I want him to go to meetings, if anything to connect with people and find sober people to socialize with.
My husband is no help. He says the kid just got home, leave him alone. He never backs me up. We haven't drawn up a written list of boundaries. I'm really disappointed that the rehab didn't work with us on that before he left.
How is someone in recovery supposed to get their life back together laying on their bed? His friends are all a bunch of stoners so he can't go out with them although he says he would have no problem hanging out with them and not smoking. He won't be going to school until at least the fall or maybe summer, because the reason he's in rehab is because he got kicked out for dealing.
Am I expecting too much too soon?
Sorry for the long ramble.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I'm sorry that you're really stressed about this.
Do you have friends or support groups that you can tap into to help you find your center again?
You can only control your emotions and your serenity. That is your most important asset right now.
He's gonna do what he's gonna do. Or not.
Do you have friends or support groups that you can tap into to help you find your center again?
You can only control your emotions and your serenity. That is your most important asset right now.
He's gonna do what he's gonna do. Or not.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 20
I only told one friend. She has no kids but dated a gambler so has been to support meetings. There are no Naranon meetings in my area, but I will search for some Alanon meetings that are Open. Just found out what that means tonight.
I was hoping to get some support here.
I was hoping to get some support here.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 277
Refuser I am a new to this as well and had similar experience. My son out of rehab only after 20 days. He had no job at that time and was to start iop following week. He hated going to meetings cause they made him feel uncomfortable. Back in rehab 50 days later. Starting using soon after first rehab. I wish I would have had more knowledge of how to plot out the days. Great moms here normally. Little quiet on the weekend. Call rehab tell them you want their support now. I wish I would have sat down as a family and talked about boundaries. Expectations of help around the house. He is probably still in the funk of just coming clean. Addicts need to talk to addicts. It helps My son is 21. He felt awkward and then began to lie about going to meetings. I was still so sick over the situation I was not great at handling it. Read other posts on this site. I tell you it saved and taught me quickly. Even though I thought m situation wasn't exactly like some of the posts but I took what I could. Naranon has a online forum as well. Sign up right away and read and learn. What our first rehab did was nothing to support family and teach family for what would be coming my way......please know lots of amazing people will post when they can. I am a single mom so I didn't have a partner to talk with. I used this group a great deal. Did he get a sponsor at the rehab? My son was so angry he was in this mess and wish he could have his normal. Life back. So angry a lot in the beginning.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 20
Twofour, I totally related to your post before mine. My son is 20, knows it all. He's not like "them". He's partially right. He hasn't stolen from my pocketbook, but my husband and I have paid for car repairs and high insurance from his terrible driving and now find out he was making plenty of money dealing. He might not be like "them" because he wasn't addicted to heroin, but had he not gotten arrested, he was on his way there. He started dating a girl at college in the fall who was hooked on oxy. She ran out of money and began snorting heroin and he had just begun doing it with her when he got arrested. He said he did it about 15 times and was thankful that he got arrested because had he continued he would have gotten addicted. So in some ways he was not "there" yet, but was on his way. He was resistant to his program for most of the time he was there. We visited him at 20 days and the counselor said he was in denial. But when I contacted the counselor at the end of the program, he said he had made progress in the last 5 days. When I asked my son what changed, he said his counselor finally said he wasn't an addict but had the same behaviors as one. My son finally felt that the counselor understood him. I personally think the counselor was just sick of him.
Even tonight, my son said once again, his problem wasn't using, it was dealing.
Even tonight, my son said once again, his problem wasn't using, it was dealing.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 20
He came out of his room to eat, but I had already eaten an hour ago and left whatever I made on the table. My daughter and husband ate with him and they were having a nice conversation. I guess I could have gone in and joined but I was feeling very resentful. Of course as soon as he was done, back in his room.
I'm off from work next week. I want to run away.
I'm off from work next week. I want to run away.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 277
My son got addicted to percocets by snorting them. I have learned that opiates are extremely extremely addictive. He has to want to seek help and you as the mom would benefit from knowledge I know it seems overwhelming. My story is that my son then didn't steal from me but started to hock things and finally stole from a store and was arrested. All in 65 days asked for rehab again. Not sure to escape the legal side or not but I took it and ran with it. He is currently in rehab again out of state. I wish I would have offered my son a private addiction counselor when he asked but then things spiraled. Why did he go to rehab. Was he tested for drugs?. Hugs to you I know the fear you feel. Aranon meetings are good to for us. Addiction is addiction. I learned a lot at those meetings as well. Call that counselor that worked with him. I did that a few times after to understand more and they spoke with me......
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 20
My son ended up in rehab because his dorm room was raided and he is facing 5 felonies for possession and intent to sell marijuana, molly and lsd. His main drug of choice is marijuana. At the height of his use he was smoking $250/week. Molly for shows. Lsd for weekend fun with friends, and most recently heroin with his gf. He says in one way he is glad he got arrested because he knows if he continued use of heroin, he would have been addicted. He had cut back to smoking once a day after all his schoolwork was done and was actually finally getting good grades. He's very concerned about his gf. She also went to rehab, (not the same one) and I think they are keeping her for 45 days. He knows her addiction, heroin, is a lot stronger. Even though for himself, he didn't want sober living, he is encouraging her to go there.
As far as contacting his counselor, my son signed a release for my husband and I to speak to him, but he is very brief in his email responses and only responds by email to phone messages. From the parent meeting, I think it's because they are in group or individual counseling all day long and really don't have time for long conversations on the phone.
As far as contacting his counselor, my son signed a release for my husband and I to speak to him, but he is very brief in his email responses and only responds by email to phone messages. From the parent meeting, I think it's because they are in group or individual counseling all day long and really don't have time for long conversations on the phone.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
There are no Naranon meetings in my area, but I will search for some Alanon meetings that are Open. Just found out what that means tonight.
You would be welcome at any Alanon meeting. "Open" just means open to counselors or health professionals. Sometimes "open" meetings will also be a joint AA/ Alanon meeting.
Several parents of addicts attend the Alanon meetings I go to simply because it's more widely available. There's one Naranon meeting in our area and something like 10 or 12 Alanon meetings. Our literature refers to "the alcoholic", but addiction is addiction, whatever the substance of choice.
So sorry you're going through this. Glad you reached out for support, and i hope you can find some face to face support as well. You shouldn't have to deal with this burden alone.
You would be welcome at any Alanon meeting. "Open" just means open to counselors or health professionals. Sometimes "open" meetings will also be a joint AA/ Alanon meeting.
Several parents of addicts attend the Alanon meetings I go to simply because it's more widely available. There's one Naranon meeting in our area and something like 10 or 12 Alanon meetings. Our literature refers to "the alcoholic", but addiction is addiction, whatever the substance of choice.
So sorry you're going through this. Glad you reached out for support, and i hope you can find some face to face support as well. You shouldn't have to deal with this burden alone.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Indiana
Posts: 503
Refuser, I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I understand the need to run away. The whole situation is utterly exhausting.
My son is in an IOP. At a family meeting we talked about the things we won't tolerate: drinking, disrespect, lying, etc. we were very clear that he would be kicked out if the house if anything happened. In front of him, we were given a list of halfway houses, Salvation Army, etc. We were dead serious about making him leave, and he saw it. His counselors are excellent at bringing this all together.
He's not perfect but he's been a hell of a lot better to deal with. He is on Antabuse and I am quite grateful for that.
I hope you can find some peace, and that you have a great IOP. He will need to fill his non-IOP hours with productive endeavors as well. I assume they will drug test him there as well so that's another incentive to stay away from drugs.
My son is in an IOP. At a family meeting we talked about the things we won't tolerate: drinking, disrespect, lying, etc. we were very clear that he would be kicked out if the house if anything happened. In front of him, we were given a list of halfway houses, Salvation Army, etc. We were dead serious about making him leave, and he saw it. His counselors are excellent at bringing this all together.
He's not perfect but he's been a hell of a lot better to deal with. He is on Antabuse and I am quite grateful for that.
I hope you can find some peace, and that you have a great IOP. He will need to fill his non-IOP hours with productive endeavors as well. I assume they will drug test him there as well so that's another incentive to stay away from drugs.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
Hang in there mama....there is much to learn on our side. I have (2) children that are in recovery (age 20 and 26).
One of the things that you begin to learn, in support groups, is their RECOVERY is theirs! We cannot tell them what to do regarding meetings, sponsors, etc. We can suggest but they need to be invested in the process. Rehab gives them tools to use but really no person can force them to pick up the tool.
We as family members need our own recovery. We end up being sick ourselves...helping to much; fixing; worrying more than the addict does; obsessing. I have been there and still have my moments.
Boundaries are for your health.
It's important, and not to late, to have a contract or understanding regarding your expectations for him to live in your household (job; curfew; school; rent). He is off to a poor start-you see it; dad ignores it. It's common.
Be prepared to follow through with your boundaries otherwise they will be trampled.
My worse fear was my kids having "no one" or dying or hurt. I was given, years later, no choice but to kick them out (many times). They are very resourceful; there are shelters; sober living homes; and programs.....many times they aren't glamorous but drug use isn't any way.
You aren't his only option! Hugs to you.
One of the things that you begin to learn, in support groups, is their RECOVERY is theirs! We cannot tell them what to do regarding meetings, sponsors, etc. We can suggest but they need to be invested in the process. Rehab gives them tools to use but really no person can force them to pick up the tool.
We as family members need our own recovery. We end up being sick ourselves...helping to much; fixing; worrying more than the addict does; obsessing. I have been there and still have my moments.
Boundaries are for your health.
It's important, and not to late, to have a contract or understanding regarding your expectations for him to live in your household (job; curfew; school; rent). He is off to a poor start-you see it; dad ignores it. It's common.
Be prepared to follow through with your boundaries otherwise they will be trampled.
My worse fear was my kids having "no one" or dying or hurt. I was given, years later, no choice but to kick them out (many times). They are very resourceful; there are shelters; sober living homes; and programs.....many times they aren't glamorous but drug use isn't any way.
You aren't his only option! Hugs to you.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Dear Refuser, I just wanted to welcome you to the family. We are all working on our own recovery while our dear children struggle and recover. My son has been in the madhouse for 5 years and counting. I always found it very difficult when he was under our roof because he always reverted back to terrible habits, never cleaning up after himself, sleeping til 1 PM, not respecting smoking and taking things without asking (which later led to stealing). At 20, our children resent our expectations. I have a 20 year old as well who is at college and when he comes home, he does absolutely NOTHING to help around the house. I think our kids at this age are already wired to frustrate us! I encourage you to hold him accountable to what you expect but you cannot FORCE anything on them. It is not an overnight fix either. Hopefully he gets some insights in IOP, but if he thinks he isnt an addict, then he is not taking the first step in recovery. Keep reading, but most of all, trust your instinct. A lot of times, they SAY things but the truth is much different. Watch actions, NOT WORDS!
Hugs,
Teresa
Hugs,
Teresa
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 20
So he started IOP Monday night. He goes to a 3 hour session 4 nights a week. He's come out of his room because I threw a hissy fit one morning and started crying. But he's still sleeping late and not really doing much of anything. He has applied for a few jobs, but that takes time. He's trying to find a collegiate recovery program for the fall. He keeps bugging me to register his car. Not happening. I keep telling him he has a bicycle. He also has the use of one of our cars if absolutely necessary.
What bothers me the most is that he is not interested in finding a new network of sober friends. His IOP is only a few older people and he refuses to go to AA meetings (there are no NA meetings in our area). His lawyer confirmed that by saying "you're already going to 12 hours of IOP, you don't need to hang out with a bunch of drug addicts"... Thanks.
I've also tried suggesting sober meetups, or meetups that are getting together for hiking, fishing etc, but he doesn't want to go hang out with a bunch of strangers.
He thinks he will be perfectly fine hanging out with his old high school friends who use as long as he's not using and he feels he has the willpower to do that. He is being drug tested at IOP and after that, if he gets accepted in the jail alternative program he has applied to, he will be on probation for 2 years and drug tested throughout.
And he still thinks he can go to music festivals! You know the EDM ones where everyone is tripping on Molly or smoking weed. I think his lawyer finally realized what I was dealing with when he asked him if it were okay to plan on going to one out of state the day after his next court date.
What bothers me the most is that he is not interested in finding a new network of sober friends. His IOP is only a few older people and he refuses to go to AA meetings (there are no NA meetings in our area). His lawyer confirmed that by saying "you're already going to 12 hours of IOP, you don't need to hang out with a bunch of drug addicts"... Thanks.
I've also tried suggesting sober meetups, or meetups that are getting together for hiking, fishing etc, but he doesn't want to go hang out with a bunch of strangers.
He thinks he will be perfectly fine hanging out with his old high school friends who use as long as he's not using and he feels he has the willpower to do that. He is being drug tested at IOP and after that, if he gets accepted in the jail alternative program he has applied to, he will be on probation for 2 years and drug tested throughout.
And he still thinks he can go to music festivals! You know the EDM ones where everyone is tripping on Molly or smoking weed. I think his lawyer finally realized what I was dealing with when he asked him if it were okay to plan on going to one out of state the day after his next court date.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
Dear Refuser, I am sorry to read about your situation, in part, because it is all so familiar, but also because I know the frustration. I have a lot of thoughts but not a lot of time so I will just share a few things.
It is true that his recovery is completely up to him. He may land in jail while on probation, and if I were you, I would expect that to happen. He deals and he uses. And hanging out with the old friends, at the old places, doing the same things...It is very, very, very likely he will use. I have heard the most heartfelt promises and the naysaying about all the other addicts, how really bad they are. You can read my story, but my daughter said the very same things to me...and then used the very drug she abhored.
At 15, she had a counselor in a dual diagnosis treatment program tell me in front of her that she was not an addict! That gave her a free ride, I guess, and within a year she was using heroin, doing her best to control it, and convincingly hid it from us until she overdosed and nearly died (saved after cardiac arrest) at 18.
All that to say, don't believe ANYTHING he says about his drug use. Just watch, and I promise, more will be revealed. His actions will prove his intentions, be that recovery or continued drug use/deception. His comment that "after 15 times (probably 30) using heroin he's glad he's not addicted" made me smirk. Yeah, right.
You have next week off? Go somewhere! Alone! Find at least a day to do something away from home if you can. This stuff eats away at our sanity and our soul.
And I cannot say more about AlAnon and NarAnon, whether in person or online. Being around other parents who are going through this helps more than you can possibly imagine. SR is great, but I wholeheartedly recommend face-to-face meetings.
Keep posting! We are here, we just get distracted by our lives some days.
It is true that his recovery is completely up to him. He may land in jail while on probation, and if I were you, I would expect that to happen. He deals and he uses. And hanging out with the old friends, at the old places, doing the same things...It is very, very, very likely he will use. I have heard the most heartfelt promises and the naysaying about all the other addicts, how really bad they are. You can read my story, but my daughter said the very same things to me...and then used the very drug she abhored.
At 15, she had a counselor in a dual diagnosis treatment program tell me in front of her that she was not an addict! That gave her a free ride, I guess, and within a year she was using heroin, doing her best to control it, and convincingly hid it from us until she overdosed and nearly died (saved after cardiac arrest) at 18.
All that to say, don't believe ANYTHING he says about his drug use. Just watch, and I promise, more will be revealed. His actions will prove his intentions, be that recovery or continued drug use/deception. His comment that "after 15 times (probably 30) using heroin he's glad he's not addicted" made me smirk. Yeah, right.
You have next week off? Go somewhere! Alone! Find at least a day to do something away from home if you can. This stuff eats away at our sanity and our soul.
And I cannot say more about AlAnon and NarAnon, whether in person or online. Being around other parents who are going through this helps more than you can possibly imagine. SR is great, but I wholeheartedly recommend face-to-face meetings.
Keep posting! We are here, we just get distracted by our lives some days.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 20
Update: Not going well
I hope I set this up right as I tried to linkback to my original post "My son has only been home 3 days..." so that if you're not familiar with the beginning of the story can look back.
So my son did intensive IOP for 4 weeks. He began extended IOP 2 to 3 weeks ago where he is only required to go 1x/week. His job has been slow, so he has too much time on his hands. He had oral surgery on Thursday to have 4 wisdom teeth removed. I didn't say anything to the doctor about his situation and he was prescribed 12 vicadin. I dropped off his prescription and told him I would pick it up on the way home from work. I figured he should see if he could tolerate the pain with just 3 motrins. He got out of bed and picked up the prescription. By the time I got home he had decided to go out with friends and had taken his car. I noticed that 6 vicadin were missing and I went to his friends house, took the car and texted him that I couldn't stop him from leaving the house, but he was not driving under the influence. He came home wanting the car back, there was a big battle. He tried to take off on his dirtbike. My husband and I physically fighting to pull him off. Tried to call emergency psych services but weren't available so I called the cops because at some point he mentioned he was going to kill himself. That got him a ride to the hospital and an overnight stay to be evaulated by the psych in the morning.
Psych had no options for me, except for telling me what was in his system (opiates, benzos & pot) and a follow up with the psych in IOP in 10 days. Found out from him he had dropped 4 benzos in the cop car because he didn't want to get arrested if they found them on him and that he had the benzos because he knew the vicadin were too weak for his tolerance.
Called his IOP counselor, who was surprised he'd been using and hadn't been testing him because he seemed to be doing well. Unfortunately, he was leaving for vacation and cannot see us until next Friday.
Dropped him off at a meeting. He called me after a half hour that it was over which I found odd, but we had gotten there 5-10 minutes late trying to find it and I thought maybe it was only a 45 minute meeting (I'm new to all this). When we got home, I checked his wallet and it was empty. I knew he had a little over $100 in it because I checked it on the way out of the hospital. First he told me he deposited it which was impossible cause he didn't leave the house. Then when I confronted him again, he had $45 in it and said he had met someone who he owed money to, and absolutely did not buy anything. He had turned off my security cameras in the 1 hour I went out after picking him up from the hospital to go to a parent conference for my other son so I didn't know he had left.
Thought this was the worst, until I texted his ex gf who is who introduced him to heroin back in January and is currently in sober living. She said he's been using heroin again regularly and told her he wants to come visit her and bring some and it will be like old times. She admitted it was partially her idea, surprising cause she has 90 days sobriety.
Since she talked to me and everything was out in the open, he admitted he'd been using heroin again and is willing to go back to rehab to deal with this, but later changes his mind and wants to do it in outpatient. We set up boundaries, and were hoping to get through the week to meet with IOP counselor and set up a real plan.
Last night, we had his cousin's 21st birthday. We were all there together, family, and a bunch of his cousins friends He was doing well, not drinking, having good, clean fun, playing badmitton, volleyball, etc. He was leaving to go hang out with his friends and from all that had been going on, I thought was a good thing that he leave. His friends are not innocent, but are pretty much just pot smokers and I found out he uses heroin when he's home alone, so I thought he was safer out with them.
My sister texts me at 12:30 that she is driving him home because he's okay and wants to leave, but seems a little glassy eyed and doesn't want him to drive. She brings him home and he is more than just glassy eyed. He says he had a few beers and smoked a little pot, but we can see that he did more. This morning he went to work cause he didn't know if he's was morning or afternoon shift and since he was wrong and already there, he's doing a double shift (supposedly). My husband is down there now to make sure because about 30 minutes ago, my sister texted him that she found out my son had taken 1 xanax himself and split another with someone else. WTF@!!!!!
So the last 3 days have been hell and I don't know how to get through the next few days. Tomorrow is my last day at work before summer break so I have to go and so does my husband. Luckily AS is working the day shift. My daughter has an important tryout tomorrow night and I have a color appointment that I can't miss because the next day is my other son's middle school graduation. We can't be around to babysit this idiot and mess up the rest of the family's important events.
I don't know how to handle this. Rehab and IOP have not given me any tools. Either hasn't involved the family in his care.
So my son did intensive IOP for 4 weeks. He began extended IOP 2 to 3 weeks ago where he is only required to go 1x/week. His job has been slow, so he has too much time on his hands. He had oral surgery on Thursday to have 4 wisdom teeth removed. I didn't say anything to the doctor about his situation and he was prescribed 12 vicadin. I dropped off his prescription and told him I would pick it up on the way home from work. I figured he should see if he could tolerate the pain with just 3 motrins. He got out of bed and picked up the prescription. By the time I got home he had decided to go out with friends and had taken his car. I noticed that 6 vicadin were missing and I went to his friends house, took the car and texted him that I couldn't stop him from leaving the house, but he was not driving under the influence. He came home wanting the car back, there was a big battle. He tried to take off on his dirtbike. My husband and I physically fighting to pull him off. Tried to call emergency psych services but weren't available so I called the cops because at some point he mentioned he was going to kill himself. That got him a ride to the hospital and an overnight stay to be evaulated by the psych in the morning.
Psych had no options for me, except for telling me what was in his system (opiates, benzos & pot) and a follow up with the psych in IOP in 10 days. Found out from him he had dropped 4 benzos in the cop car because he didn't want to get arrested if they found them on him and that he had the benzos because he knew the vicadin were too weak for his tolerance.
Called his IOP counselor, who was surprised he'd been using and hadn't been testing him because he seemed to be doing well. Unfortunately, he was leaving for vacation and cannot see us until next Friday.
Dropped him off at a meeting. He called me after a half hour that it was over which I found odd, but we had gotten there 5-10 minutes late trying to find it and I thought maybe it was only a 45 minute meeting (I'm new to all this). When we got home, I checked his wallet and it was empty. I knew he had a little over $100 in it because I checked it on the way out of the hospital. First he told me he deposited it which was impossible cause he didn't leave the house. Then when I confronted him again, he had $45 in it and said he had met someone who he owed money to, and absolutely did not buy anything. He had turned off my security cameras in the 1 hour I went out after picking him up from the hospital to go to a parent conference for my other son so I didn't know he had left.
Thought this was the worst, until I texted his ex gf who is who introduced him to heroin back in January and is currently in sober living. She said he's been using heroin again regularly and told her he wants to come visit her and bring some and it will be like old times. She admitted it was partially her idea, surprising cause she has 90 days sobriety.
Since she talked to me and everything was out in the open, he admitted he'd been using heroin again and is willing to go back to rehab to deal with this, but later changes his mind and wants to do it in outpatient. We set up boundaries, and were hoping to get through the week to meet with IOP counselor and set up a real plan.
Last night, we had his cousin's 21st birthday. We were all there together, family, and a bunch of his cousins friends He was doing well, not drinking, having good, clean fun, playing badmitton, volleyball, etc. He was leaving to go hang out with his friends and from all that had been going on, I thought was a good thing that he leave. His friends are not innocent, but are pretty much just pot smokers and I found out he uses heroin when he's home alone, so I thought he was safer out with them.
My sister texts me at 12:30 that she is driving him home because he's okay and wants to leave, but seems a little glassy eyed and doesn't want him to drive. She brings him home and he is more than just glassy eyed. He says he had a few beers and smoked a little pot, but we can see that he did more. This morning he went to work cause he didn't know if he's was morning or afternoon shift and since he was wrong and already there, he's doing a double shift (supposedly). My husband is down there now to make sure because about 30 minutes ago, my sister texted him that she found out my son had taken 1 xanax himself and split another with someone else. WTF@!!!!!
So the last 3 days have been hell and I don't know how to get through the next few days. Tomorrow is my last day at work before summer break so I have to go and so does my husband. Luckily AS is working the day shift. My daughter has an important tryout tomorrow night and I have a color appointment that I can't miss because the next day is my other son's middle school graduation. We can't be around to babysit this idiot and mess up the rest of the family's important events.
I don't know how to handle this. Rehab and IOP have not given me any tools. Either hasn't involved the family in his care.
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Dear Refuser, it is so exhausting trying to course correct our addicted children! I too became too enmeshed in my sons life, and we learned (the very hard way) that us providing him a soft cushion to fall back on led him right back to addiction. My son is 25 and will have 60 days sober on the 17th of June. His doc was also heroin. It is a very difficult one to kick. Hopefully your son sticks to his program, but it sounds like he is still playing around with drugs.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 20
So after finding all this out I looked up heroin overdose, because I don't know what one looks like and now I keep checking on him to see that he's not forgetting to breathe. After the text today, I looked up benzo addiction and now I have to worry about him having convulsions a month from now?!?!? Can anyone enlighten me on this stuff?
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