mnh1982

Have any of you either kicked your addict out of your living situation, or left them? And if so, what sorts of ultimatums did you give regarding what they needed to do before you'd let them back in your life again?

Or did you just decide to cut them out of your life completely?

I recently kicked my AH out of the house & filed for divorce. However, I have not yet completed that filing because I'm not sure I WANT to call it quits in our marriage as of yet.

My instructions to him are that he is not welcome back in our lives (mine & the baby's) until he has a job & can prove that he will KEEP that job, starts & continues a counseling and/or therapy program, & can contribute to bills, groceries, etc without any benefit to himself (in other words, until he can reliably give me money to pay the rent, buy baby's essentials, etc, but is not living there).

Do you think it's possible for an addict to succeed with this sort of plan going forward? Why or why not? What are your experiences?

ladyscribbler

I left my ex with the understanding that he would join us after he got sober, fixed up and sold the house, and a whole bunch of other stuff that I thought would somehow guarantee that he would stay sober and our relationship would be fixed.
In reality, he did none of that. He went out and replaced me with a new enabler who didn't try to hold him accountable for anything. Losing his family wasn't his bottom, and nothing I did or said was going to make him change.

mnh1982

ladyscribbler, I'm sorry to hear that. In reality, I suspect that's what's going to happen with my almost-ex as well. I've already told him that he & I don't have to be married for him to be in our child's life (although never will he be in charge of anything to do with the baby...he will not be a decision-maker for him). So probably I'm just postponing the inevitable...