Powerlessness
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Powerlessness
Am I powerless over alcohol? Yes, I have fully conceded that in my own life.
Why then am I having so much trouble conceding powerlessness over the actions of another? My H is his own person, he makes his own decisions...but in our marriage he has left so much up to me. He's been happy drifting along and he has actively avoided making any plans or decisions forever. I used to resent that, not having a partner who would step up to the plate, but then I just got used to it. I decided to quit drinking...he followed. I decided to start again and he did the same.
Now I have quit again....and he hadn't!! How dare he??
I am resentful and hurt. He asked me the other day if I wanted him to give up again. I asked him what HE wanted. He looked at me quizzically like it was a trick question, then said he wanted to continue drinking because he "hasn't a problem with it"
Of course his drinking is quickly escalating and I don't like how he becomes when he's drunk.
Why do I still feel that need to control when I've completely come to terms with handing over everything relating to my drinking to God?
Makes no sense.
Why then am I having so much trouble conceding powerlessness over the actions of another? My H is his own person, he makes his own decisions...but in our marriage he has left so much up to me. He's been happy drifting along and he has actively avoided making any plans or decisions forever. I used to resent that, not having a partner who would step up to the plate, but then I just got used to it. I decided to quit drinking...he followed. I decided to start again and he did the same.
Now I have quit again....and he hadn't!! How dare he??
I am resentful and hurt. He asked me the other day if I wanted him to give up again. I asked him what HE wanted. He looked at me quizzically like it was a trick question, then said he wanted to continue drinking because he "hasn't a problem with it"
Of course his drinking is quickly escalating and I don't like how he becomes when he's drunk.
Why do I still feel that need to control when I've completely come to terms with handing over everything relating to my drinking to God?
Makes no sense.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Why do I still feel that need to control when I've completely come to terms with handing over everything relating to my drinking to God?
It could be related to this:
I am resentful and hurt.
It could also be that you havent come to terms with handing every other area of your lifeover to God?
I found that when I accept I am powerless over people,places,and things, it makes it easier for me to continue with the steps.
It could be related to this:
I am resentful and hurt.
It could also be that you havent come to terms with handing every other area of your lifeover to God?
I found that when I accept I am powerless over people,places,and things, it makes it easier for me to continue with the steps.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Thanks tomsteve. I am so good at handing everything over to God..except THIS.
Seems like I'm watching him falling and I want to catch him. I need to get out of God's way and let him reach his bottom...but that goes against every instinct in my body!
Seems like I'm watching him falling and I want to catch him. I need to get out of God's way and let him reach his bottom...but that goes against every instinct in my body!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
No, he isn't drinking at me. I feel looking back that he was sober because of me. I got myself into a dark place and it scared him. I don't feel it was really his choice, so now he's like a child who has been let out in the playground...he's going a bit crazy with it all.
I thought at first that he would be able to moderate but he seems to be declining fast. Having said that, he didn't drink at all last night, so everything was back to normal. When I have nights like those it's easy to be lulled back into a false sense of security.
I thought at first that he would be able to moderate but he seems to be declining fast. Having said that, he didn't drink at all last night, so everything was back to normal. When I have nights like those it's easy to be lulled back into a false sense of security.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
To every worldly and practical-minded beginner, this Step (three)looks hard, even impossible. No matter how much one wishes to try, exactly how can he turn his own will and his own life over to the care of whatever God he thinks there is? Fortunately, we who have tried it, and with equal misgivings, can testify that anyone, anyone at all, can be- gin to do it. We can further add that a beginning, even the smallest, is all that is needed. Once we have placed the key of willingness in the lock and have the door ever so slight- ly open, we find that we can always open it some more. Though self- willl may slam it shut again, as it frequently does, it will always respond the moment we again pick up
the key of willingness.
“Yes, respecting alcohol, I guess I have to be dependent upon A.A., but in all other matters I must still maintain my indepen- dence. Nothing is going to turn me into a nonentity. If I keep on turning my life and my will over to the care of Something or Somebody else, what will become of me? I’ll look like the hole in the doughnut.” This, of course, is the process by which in- stinct and logic always seek to bolster egotism, and so frustrate spiritual development. The trouble is that this kind of thinking takes no real account of the facts. And the facts seem to be these: The more we become willing to depend upon a Higher Power, the more independent we actually are. Therefore depen- dence, as A.A. practices it, is really a means of gaining true independence of the spirit.
the key of willingness.
“Yes, respecting alcohol, I guess I have to be dependent upon A.A., but in all other matters I must still maintain my indepen- dence. Nothing is going to turn me into a nonentity. If I keep on turning my life and my will over to the care of Something or Somebody else, what will become of me? I’ll look like the hole in the doughnut.” This, of course, is the process by which in- stinct and logic always seek to bolster egotism, and so frustrate spiritual development. The trouble is that this kind of thinking takes no real account of the facts. And the facts seem to be these: The more we become willing to depend upon a Higher Power, the more independent we actually are. Therefore depen- dence, as A.A. practices it, is really a means of gaining true independence of the spirit.
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