Fez

Hello my fellow recoveries,

I don't know where to begin but I will try. I have felt like I have been ok. Not great but ok. But now I feel like I am slipping into a depression. My ex-AH has pretty much left me alone. (which is what I wanted). I am still happy about that except I find myself thinking about him. Just thinking about him. Not wanting to reconect.

I also recently had a 12 week relationship. I guess I had a boyfriend. I really liked him and was hoping it was going to work. We went a vacation together and we spent 10 days together. By the night before we were coming home I realized Nope, no, this isn't going to work. So, I told him so. I said this isn't going to work for me. I was in another relationship where I was begging for attention. He wasn't an alcoholic- maybe he was narcistic? I had the feeling he was not into me and I wasn't going to beg him.

So, after I got home from the vacation I have become ill. I've had a cold and an ear infection in both ears. Doctor didn't give me any antibiotics because I am allergic to a lot of them and she didn't want to over perscribe the ones I can take. I also had a pelvic/pap smear/std check right after I came back.

Yesterday I had to have two biospies on my cervix. I now also have a bladder infection. Yesterday I was finally perscribed an antibotic. I still have my cold. I'm also a diabetic.

I have been so tired and drained these last few weeks. I have spent most days in bed. I am already on an anit-depressent and take it religously. Its just as important as my diabetic medicine.

My mother also lives with me. She moved in this past Novmeber. I am ready for her to leave. She is an addicted gambler. She does nothing financially to help me. I feed her and provide her a room. Her living with me was supposed to be temporary. I don't know anymore.

I feel like I may be depressed or at least slipping into a depression. I am scared. I have a very stressful business that if I keep slipping up I am going to lose business and therefore lose my way to take care of myself.

Is it normal to have depression creep up after almost a year of separation/divorce? Or do you think maybe where I have been sick and don't feel like doing anything that is what's wrong with me?

I'm just extremely tired and all I want to do is sleep. I need to get my act together before I lose all control of my life. It's not too late is it?

Thanks for reading.

knowthetriggers

Wow - you got a whole lot going on there. Take a break from it all if you can, focus on getting better first then have a talk to your doctor about the depression.

Hope you feel better soon!

firebolt

Yeah, that's a lot going on, that all would weigh down ANYONE. You are allowed to tell your mom to find other arrangements...and take care of yourself. I've been through some of those lady troubles - I'm so sorry you are going through it. Do you have some good girlfriends? My 2 best friends and I take a small trip every year, and I swear 2 days with them is worth a year of therapy. (ok, not literally, but close!) Take care of yourself, feel better - boot mom

happybeingme

As a depressive myself I would say for the last few months you have dealt with a lot. Add in your health issues and absolutely feeling depressed is ok. I take medication as well and have found that it helps with the daily depressive cloud it can't prevent life events from causing depression.

Take heart it is only temporary. Eat right and get plenty of sleep and sunshine. Hopefully it will lift soon.

1Datatime

Wow, you DO have a lot on your plate. Like the other people are saying, take care of yourself. Like they say on the airplanes to parents "put the oxygen on yourself first, then take care of the kids". Breathe your oxygen first. Gee, I think I just gave myself some good advice, too! Hugs.

Duckygirl1

Yep, your dance card is full. Just get some rest, it will all come together. Delayed grief is not uncommon. It just needs time and support. After a whirlwind relationship, you could probably take some time just for you. You deserve it. ((Hugs))

lillamy

I kind of got to a point after my divorce where... I'd say "reality kicked in." The leaving and divorce was stressful and I pretty much ran on adrenaline, but I kept feeling like as long as I could get away from the A, I would be fine.

Then things happened that showed me that wasn't really the case. That even though he was gone, I still had a lot of baggage that needed to be unpacked, sorted through, and burned, recycled, or thrown out. THAT is when I got depressed.

When I read your story, I wonder if that might be the point you've come to? Where you're moving on with your life, you get into a new relationship, you feel like "yep, the bad is over and here I come, life!!!" and then you realize... wait... this isn't right either...

I don't know if that makes sense to you, but just thought I'd throw that out there? And take care of yourself. Heck, with all the issues you're dealing with, I'm not surprised you're feeling bad.

daydreamer0217

^ well said Amy

53500

The bladder infection could very likely be from the ex-bf. Sometimes two people's biologies just don't mix. I know it sounds weird but I was told this, long ago, when I had recurrent bladder infections (after never having them before in my life) every time my then-bf was in town. It's good you got the antibiotic. I waited too long and ended up with a kidney infection.

Sorry you've got so many challenges on your plate, physical and emotional. That would exhaust anyone. Hope you can get the rest you need and recover.

FeelingGreat

Hi Fez, I'm sorry you're going through one of those periods when every bug out there seems to come to the party. It happens to me from time to time, mainly late winter.

You'll feel better mentally once your immune system starts acting, so make sure you're eating well, with plenty of fresh fruit and vegetable. Take care of your body. Get plenty of sleep, or at least rest, and get outside for some moderate exercise like a walk. Exercise is good for depression, and exercise outside in the sun is doubly good.

Your mum is freeloading, causing you more tension so ask her to leave if you can. Whatever it takes to make your home your sanctuary of peace.

I hope you're feeling better soon.

ghost99

Hi Fez. Well I think alot of us expect to feel great after breaking off with an A, but like you I am learning it's a long term process. I don't feel great. I feel mostly sad. I would say try to be patient with your self and maybe don't put the pressure on yourself to be "happy". Give it time.