Timetoheal12

Well, it has been a while since I last logged into here.
College has been going great...
Self improvement (I've been looking to become more independent from my family) has also been going great, I started to meditate and I have re-taken many hobbies I had left behind when I was feeling lost.
I guess I am slowly reaching to the point of acceptig myself and working towards being a better "me".

It isn't easy, but I guess it's possible, and I'm very happy that I wanted to do it. I guess I always felt like being dependant was the normal thing to do in every one of my relationships, but, no, at least, not the way I was doing it, so it feels good to ackowledge it and to work on it...


Everything seems to be going better, except for my family.
I feel like we've become more distant than ever.

My mom has been feeling guilty. She told me that she should have divorced my father before me and my brother grew up, so she wouldn't had "wounded" us with their relationship (if anyone remembers me, well, my father is an A and also a very passive agressive person... While I was growing up, my mother cried a lot but I didn't knew why, my dad had a terrible temper and got angry at the silliest stuff, my mom seemed to be unstable, but she cared for us a lot and we were her priority, yeah, it was kind of weird. I never knew my father had an issue with alcohol until this year).

My brother isn't a drunk like him..., but he also had trouble with his self-esteem while growing up. Is he in danger? He always has been great at everything he does, he always has been there for me and he is a very responsible person..., but life is unpredictable, I don't know what to think.

I didn't know what to say to her... I just told her that I wanted to see things for what they really are and not for what I tought they were...
She said she was sorry and she said she loved me and my brother a lot.

My brother lives with his fiancee, I still live with my parents cause I'm only 21. But... This is starting to get very uncomfortable for me. I love them, I just felt so lost about everything, I felt mad at them. Now I only want to be responsible for my own life, but I don't want to be selfish at a bad extent.


I guess... I'm not asking for advice, I'm venting, but if you have something to tell me that you think might be helpful, it would be nice to hear/read it.


Thanks for all everyone.

happybeingme

It isn't uncommon to feel as you do being an adult child. I strongly recommend you go to the Adult Children of Alcoholics sub forum here and read the stickies. You will find a lot that resonates with you.

Wanting to be out on your own to process things is very healthy I think.

Welcome back to the forum.

ladyscribbler

I didn't associate the word "alcoholic" with my father until I was in my twenties. My mom divorced him when my brother and I were little, but all their dysfunctional behavior continued, plus the rage of their acrimonious divorce.
My mom simply leaving my dad wasn't a magic solution to all of our problems. And me getting away from them, moving away, going to college wasn't either.
I needed help to overcome all the dysfunction of my childhood. Alanon and individual therapy has helped me tremendously. I wish I had started sooner, it would have saved me a lot of heartache and kept me out of a lot of terrible relationships.

firebolt

I am glad you are working on yourself, and it's a good thing your mom is opening up. Even though it might feel more distance, perhaps you two will end up closer than ever. If your mom has that much guilt, you both might benefit from Alanon?

Thanks for checking in - keep taking care of you!

OOh - I have a Corgi too

Timetoheal12

This is exaclty how I see things now.
I think divorce would only cause a lot more trouble at this point.

Thanks everyone for your support and suggestions