NAP

There will be drinking occasions where I'll be offered a drink, no doubt (and when I refuse it will probably be noticed). I'm wary of saying the dreaded A word around people at work for fear of the stigma attached and how it could follow me professionally. How did you get around this?

Many thanks...

GracieLou

You don't have to say you are an alcoholic.

How about when they ask you if you want a drink you just say "No thanks, I don't drink"

If you feel you need an excuse then you could tell them you are on a diet or just trying to live a healthy life and then there is always the " I am taking medication and can't drink" excuse.

Cohiba

I have had this twice once I didn't mention it went to the bar and ordered cokes and then later on non alcoholic beer and yes I know everyone here finds no alcohol beer the devil but it was better then not drinking and went home shortly after. The other time I claimed I had plans afterward that involved not being able to drink (driving, babysitting, doctors, private trainer gym) but would come along for a few cokes.

No one questions it as much as you think if you just don't make a big deal out of it.

strategery

If you're offered a drink, politely decline. Usually nothing more comes of it.
No one should question why you drink or not. If people ask, just say you're not a drinker. You don't owe anyone an explanation beyond that.

ScottFromWI

This is a very common, but unfounded, fear most of us had. The reality is that the only people who really obsess about whether we are drinking or not is us..it's part of the addiction. For the most part, no one really cares one way or another if you are drinking or not - and very likely no one will even think twice if you just say "no thanks".

Granted, if you decided to go hang out with some old drinking buddies they would wonder why you weren't drinking, but for most of us hanging out at bars is not part of our life anymore.

I can honestly say that in my 2 plus years of sobriety, I have never one had to say anything else besides "no thanks", or when someone asks if I want something to drink I just get a soda or a water.

NAP

Fair enough, I realize I'm probably making a bigger deal than it might be. But most people at work know I was a heavy drinker...

FreeOwl

I used to worry about this too....

but now I just say "No thanks, I don't drink."

On the rare occasion I get any follow-up questions, I offer some variation on the statement "Over time, I've found that drinking alcohol is incompatible with the way I prefer to live."

ScottFromWI

Most people at my workplace did too. And while I initially got a few odd looks when drinking a soda at the Christmas party a couple years ago, no one said or asked me a thing.

The other thing you'll notice is that we ( alcoholics ) tend to seek out other alcoholics at any gathering. Whether it's a wedding, a work party, a family picnic, all the "drinkers" tend to congregate in a small group near the alcohol. Once you aren't part of that group, you notice that it is really the minority. Most of the rest of the crowd is out and about, some might be drinking alcohol but many are not. And those people don't even think twice about what you are drinking or even if you are drinking anything.

Berrybean

You could always tell them your job is to spy on all the drunk people and report back. Then laugh, but so they're not sure if you're joking.

Either that or say you can only stay for a little while because you've got to drive / babysit / go to gym / be on medication.'

Usually I don't say anything (I hate work do's so avoid them anyway, and always did) if pressed I either tell them I've stopped drinking because I want to be super-duper healthy OR that I got fed up with making a **** of myself. (Depending who I'm talking to).

I might do the spy one next time

Anna

I would never speak about my alcoholism with co-workers.

I have always managed well with a simple, 'No thanks'.

Ruby2

Ditto what Scott said. The alcoholics are almost always the ones that notice if other people aren't drinking.

I avoid work gatherings at all costs, drinking or not. But, when I used to attend I would say "no thanks, I'm good". I've never had anyone be persistent in knowing why but if the occasion were to come up I would look the person in the eye and ask "why do you need to know?"

Chewy88

Easy

"no thanks" or "I don't drink because I don't like it anymore"

who cares what other people think?

Lance40

This is really good advice. It can be difficult to handle at work if you are known for being part of the regular drinking crowd, but even then you don't owe an explanation. If pressed you could perhaps say, "I don't want a drink" and simply leave it at that.

I'm not a big fan of making up excuses that aren't true or that leave vague implications. That's just my own personal take on it based on all the lying, manipulation and deceit that came with my addictions.

MelindaFlowers

Do not say anything. People will gossip and judge you. It may be the beginning of the end of your career.

Get the flu and call in sick? People will whisper. Your dog runs out of the house in the morning and you're 30 minutes late? People will talk. They also might look at your eyes to see if you're hung over. Big promotion coming up? People might undermine you.

God forbid you relapse than that would really spell trouble.

Getting sober is a legitimate health reason and there are very good reasons that our government has decided that health records and health problems are private from your employer. Why? Because their number one priority is the business. I try to always see the best in people, including my bosses, but I have worked for two sociopaths in my life just by chance. One of my coworkers had to get the union involved when they started treating her differently after she said she was pregnant. Even if 85% of people are really good caring people that still leaves the 15%. Or let's say it's 5% that are just nasty people. Just protect yourself. And your coworkers number one priority is their performance including promotions $$$.

It is not lying, deceitful, or misleading to say that you are a nondrinker.

Protect YOURSELF.

Also now that I'm sober drinking doesn't affect me or my life at all. Now that I don't drink I'm no different than Sally down the hall who never had a drinking problem. I am a nondrinker.

Many people don't drink. I think about 50% of the population doesn't drink. You are just part of the population now.

Whenever you are on the fence about saying something, ask yourself: how will with this benefit me or the people around me? How in the world would it benefit you or your coworkers to tell them?

doggonecarl

I would also add, avoid those occasions in early sobriety, because when you are just a few weeks or months sober the challenge isn't what to say when offered a drink...the challenge is not drinking it.

Don't put yourself in a position where drinking is easier than saying no.

Chewy88

Same with me

I just told them I quit. They asked why. I said because I was drinking too much and they appreciated the honesty.

Its really not a big deal at all.

2muchpain

I disagree. You are right to make a big deal out of it, cause if you don't have a plan ahead of time, I would think the chances of you drinking will increase. The diet thing someone earlier suggested is a good one. Practicing a healthier lifestyle is also a good one, and something that you can use for a long time, until they quit offering you a drink. John

FreeOwl

Never a truer word spoken.....

One of the biggest failure points in my countless efforts to not drink in social settings was not having a clear, simple, pre-planned response to being offered drinks or questions about why I'm not drinking.

The uncertain "I want to be sober" me would just panic and the "Alcoholic Ready to Rage" in me pounced on that uncertainty and just jumped in to take over.... "VODKA MARTINI!!!"


Be prepared.

least

I just say "no thanks, I don't drink" and if pressed, I just say that I used to drink and don't like it anymore.

Carlotta

Melinda is spot on!!! so I m requoting her full post