anxiouswife2

Hi, I'm not new here. I read pretty much everything as a way to heal. i was married to an addict who was hooked on painkillers & hid it (fairly) well for a good 2 years. One trip to rehab, several attempts at outpatient & i found needles. The confrontation was heated - he pulled my hair, took my phone & threatened to kill me in front of my daughter who was 3 at the time. The look I saw on her face was enough to make me pack my stuff & never look back.

He had a few visits with her - but really withdrew when i left and it was hard to get him on the phone even, much less ever expect him to be a parent.
I got a phone call from his parents one day saying he was in an accident & ran from the scene, facing felony charges. A few weeks later another call - they confirmed he was doing heroin ( no one believed me when i said it the whole time) & that he was acting irrationally - they were giving me a heads up in case he contacted me about my daughter. A few weeks later - he had agreed to check into rehab in California (we're on the east coast).

So...fast forward to now - he's been there 30 something days. I have "moved on" in every way that i can. my daughter has come leaps and bounds from the nights she'd cry herself to sleep missing her daddy. We are setttled into a new place, have a new routine & i do not miss the phone calls updating me on his crazy. I got aphone call yesterday from his counselor saying he needed my address so that my husband can send me letters. I am DREADING them. please keep in mind, my last interaction with him (except a few times running into him in public, saying hi & keeping it moving) was when he was attacking me saying he'd kill me because i discovered all his lies.
I hate this man. I know that's not healthy - but really. He turned my life upside down, broke my daughters heart & never has taken one second to acknowledge what he's done.

I dont know what i'm looking for here. except to say i'm relieved he's there for 90 days and i never want him to come home. I have fixed our lives to the extent that i can and i feel like it'll just upset the apple cart. I want him to get off the plane and me to never even know about it. Child support and custody is filed, divorce has to wait another 4 months due to state rules of 1 year seperation but i will do it the second i am able. He was toxic. I laugh now. I sleep better. I enjoy my daughter, my friends and my family. He was such a heavy weight.

anyone have similar stories? tales about your significant other coming home?
how to help young children cope through all the changes and essentially "losing" a parent?

atalose

My best guess would be that now that he has 30 days clean and his thinking is beginning to become clearer, he probably wants to make amends, say he’s sorry and all of that kind of stuff via letters.

In Hines sight I can say without a doubt that my biggest mistake was going back after his rehab/amends along with a general lack of knowledge about addiction. Things were great for a long while then they were not and I felt stuck all over again.

I think you are in a good healthy place now with a positive future direction for your daughter and yourself. Reading his letters may be good but they may also stir emotions you are not prepared for that may come up.

It’s always a double edged sword.

CarmenLove

Hi Anxiouswife2,

My story is a little similar.

With my XAH it was pills and heroin too.

I too left. No one believes me either (even though they know he was in hospital because of it 6 months ago) because he lies so well and he is 'functioning' as yours was.

We don't have any children.

I am not as far down the road as you though. I left about 1 month ago, and I saw him a week ago when I picked up the remainder of my stuff.