sorcharuane

So today it's 8 days and I wish I could say it's getting easier but it's not yet. I was away with my daughter for a night and it was nice to be out of the town where he lives but I still thought about him an awful lot. It's just this dull, dragging feeling constantly and then sometimes it turns into an overwhelming sadness that I think I won't get through. Usually lifts a bit after a good cry. It's like a mix of grief and terrible withdrawal.

Anyway I got back this evening, hoped to be back in time for my alanon meeting but didn't make it. I have to drive past his house to get home, have to drive past his house everytime I Leave or enter mine. I just felt devastated to be home, wondering has he stopped drinking yet, has he met someone else, is he looking, how will I cope when he does. It's none of my business, that's what I try to tell myself.

He's such a lovely boyfriend when he sobers up. At least for a few weeks he is. Then he starts to get a bit picky and critical though it's often disguised as joking so very hard to really put my finger on or confront without seeming like I just have no sense of humour. But the funny thing is within a week or two of this carry on starting, he'll be on his next binge. And then there will be nothing but nonsense and demands and abuse for weeks on end. It has only gotten worse in the year and a half I've known him and added to this the last couple of benders, he didn't stop until he was at deaths door. I can see the cycle so clearly now and every ratinal, logical bit of me doesn't want it anymore, so why am I pining and longing?! It makes no sense whatsoever.

I find that posting on here helps. It's keeping me honest with myself about how the relationship really was and reading others posts reinforces for me why I don't want to go back. It makes it all a bit more manageable somehow so thanks to all who read and share your own experiences. Any tips for working through the grief/withdrawal please?

suncatcher

For me the solution was moving to another town an hour away but I know that's not always possible. It would be hard to have to pass by his house all the time. As for the thoughts of him consuming you, that takes time. I used to be consumed by thoughts of xabf with the same thoughts and what ifs racking my brain. Each day got a little easier. You will have good days and bad days then more good days than bad days then you will have a day when you hardly thought of him at all! Keep focusing on you and keep getting out there doing things you enjoy! You will get there!

sorcharuane

Thanks suncatcher, no moving's not possible, but I know it will get easier in time.

LexieCat

I agree with suncatcher. Sometimes you just have to wait it out. It helps me to try not to let those thoughts/feelings sit down in my mind and make themselves at home. You can observe them, and imagine them simply floating through your mind.

Another thing I've done is to set a defined time limit for obsessing. Think about whatever's bothering me REALLY HARD for 10 minutes, and when time's up, mentally put it away for the day.