Rededicating to my sobriety
Journey of Sobriety
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 195
Rededicating to my sobriety
In very early sobriety I have tried AA to allow my self to dedicate to sobriety, and after many meetings I had realized that it was not the right fit for me (Please avoid suggesting AA, because the program conflicts with my personal beliefs). Now although I am sober, a small thought in me has been getting louder... and that thought is the belief that sobriety is temporary. I keep correcting my self by saying this is forever, but I don't know if I truly feel like I can accomplish forever.
So I have been taking it a day at a time, but as more time passes the dedication I had in my earlier days of sobriety is beginning to fade. As it fades the thought of drinking again strengthens. To be honest there has been moments I would have definitely drank if it wasn't for the knowledge that I would have to let people know I failed. I was socially obligated to be sober, and even right this second the only reason I am not drinking is I know it would hurt my boyfriend.
This is bad, this social obligation to not drink will not keep me sober in the long run. Drinking feels inevitable, so what I was wondering is this: What are some suggestions you may have for me to rededicate to my sobriety? I'm not really sure where to start..
So I have been taking it a day at a time, but as more time passes the dedication I had in my earlier days of sobriety is beginning to fade. As it fades the thought of drinking again strengthens. To be honest there has been moments I would have definitely drank if it wasn't for the knowledge that I would have to let people know I failed. I was socially obligated to be sober, and even right this second the only reason I am not drinking is I know it would hurt my boyfriend.
This is bad, this social obligation to not drink will not keep me sober in the long run. Drinking feels inevitable, so what I was wondering is this: What are some suggestions you may have for me to rededicate to my sobriety? I'm not really sure where to start..
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,347
Reading your old posts would be a good start?
Remind yourself of where you were and why you're here.
Think about why it's more important to you to stay sober for other people than it is for yourself. Why is that?
How do you see yourself? do you value yourself? If not why not?
I don;t need to know your answers, but I think it's vital to ask yourself those kinds of things.
You deserve recovery - for you. But you need to believe that.
I think support is important in any case. You need to know you're not alone in this..
AA's not the only game in town - have you considered other recovery approaches like SMART, LifeRing, Rational Recovery, Women For Sobriety etc?
D
Remind yourself of where you were and why you're here.
Think about why it's more important to you to stay sober for other people than it is for yourself. Why is that?
How do you see yourself? do you value yourself? If not why not?
I don;t need to know your answers, but I think it's vital to ask yourself those kinds of things.
You deserve recovery - for you. But you need to believe that.
I think support is important in any case. You need to know you're not alone in this..
AA's not the only game in town - have you considered other recovery approaches like SMART, LifeRing, Rational Recovery, Women For Sobriety etc?
D
Journey of Sobriety
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 195
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Reading your old posts would be a good start?
Remind yourself of where you were and why you're here.
Think about why it's more important to you to stay sober for other people than it is for yourself. Why is that?
How do you see yourself? do you value yourself? If not why not?
I don;t need to know your answers, but I think it's vital to ask yourself those kinds of things.
You deserve recovery - for you. But you need to believe that.
I think support is important in any case. You need to know you're not alone in this..
AA's not the only game in town - have you considered other recovery approaches like SMART, LifeRing, Rational Recovery, Women For Sobriety etc?
D
Remind yourself of where you were and why you're here.
Think about why it's more important to you to stay sober for other people than it is for yourself. Why is that?
How do you see yourself? do you value yourself? If not why not?
I don;t need to know your answers, but I think it's vital to ask yourself those kinds of things.
You deserve recovery - for you. But you need to believe that.
I think support is important in any case. You need to know you're not alone in this..
AA's not the only game in town - have you considered other recovery approaches like SMART, LifeRing, Rational Recovery, Women For Sobriety etc?
D
And thank you for the suggestions of the alternatives to AA, many I have not checked out yet!! I'm excited to explore the options!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
It takes what it takes, Frixion. I did go to AA for the first four months and then stopped, but I was not having trouble staying sober, it was a choice I made that wasn't going to change.
I don't think it would have stuck for me if I thought I was doing it for someone else. That kind of thinking is flawed for me. I don't do anything for anyone else unless it aligns with being good for me first and foremost.
Being sober is definitely for my benefit, no one else's.
I don't think it would have stuck for me if I thought I was doing it for someone else. That kind of thinking is flawed for me. I don't do anything for anyone else unless it aligns with being good for me first and foremost.
Being sober is definitely for my benefit, no one else's.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Frixion
this social obligation to not drink will not keep me sober in the long run.
But drinking is different.
Yeah, my AV tells me the same thing.
NOTHING can make you pour alcohol into your face unless you choose to.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,350
When I quit I was just trying to escape. I didn't think about forever until right around 6 months and then I was just happy to be done with it. It takes time. Having to fess up if I drank kept me from using in the beginning. On another thread you mentioned wanting to start a family. Tell yourself it is one or the other so you have a perspective on this.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 91
What worked for me is to quickly make a plan, and then follow up on that plan with earnest action. Talk is cheap. Actions count.
My perceptions of AA conflicted with my personal beliefs. God this, God that. I'm an atheist. My belief in a deity is as firm as my belief in Santa Claus (still). I use the word God as a lazy expression for the mechanism by which I stay sober.
I'm sober in AA, and I do things that sober people in AA do, to include pray. No idea what I pray to, but I do pray, nonetheless. I pray because someone with long term sobriety and a good life advised that I try it. What's the worst that could happen? So, I prayed... but I did not believe in God. I still don't believe in God. However, I do believe that the actions, including prayer, that sober AA's take to maintain sobriety are effective. I do not know or care why they are effective.
Getting really active in AA helped me to occupy my time. It gave me a community I could rely on, at times heavily, for the sole purpose of staying sober. It kept me accountable.
My resistance to AAs higher power was just ego. I didn't want anyone thinking that I was a sycophant sheep. I cared more about how people perceived me than I did about being sober. At least, that's the message my actions very clearly demonstrated. I wanted sobriety, but not to compromise my principles.
So, how desperate are you? I got desperate enough to try anything.
My advice is that you make your plan, whatever it is, and follow it up with action.
You could try alternative recovery communities, exercise, therapy, meditation, or all of the above.
My perceptions of AA conflicted with my personal beliefs. God this, God that. I'm an atheist. My belief in a deity is as firm as my belief in Santa Claus (still). I use the word God as a lazy expression for the mechanism by which I stay sober.
I'm sober in AA, and I do things that sober people in AA do, to include pray. No idea what I pray to, but I do pray, nonetheless. I pray because someone with long term sobriety and a good life advised that I try it. What's the worst that could happen? So, I prayed... but I did not believe in God. I still don't believe in God. However, I do believe that the actions, including prayer, that sober AA's take to maintain sobriety are effective. I do not know or care why they are effective.
Getting really active in AA helped me to occupy my time. It gave me a community I could rely on, at times heavily, for the sole purpose of staying sober. It kept me accountable.
My resistance to AAs higher power was just ego. I didn't want anyone thinking that I was a sycophant sheep. I cared more about how people perceived me than I did about being sober. At least, that's the message my actions very clearly demonstrated. I wanted sobriety, but not to compromise my principles.
So, how desperate are you? I got desperate enough to try anything.
My advice is that you make your plan, whatever it is, and follow it up with action.
You could try alternative recovery communities, exercise, therapy, meditation, or all of the above.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: BC Canada
Posts: 228
Drinking can seem inevitable. That's why the sayings 'Today I will not drink' or 'one day at a time' are so amazing. I try not to look so far, I just look as far as today, and that I want to go to bed sober.
I'm on day 5, and yes, my resolve at times to never drink seems to diminish at times. My AV will say 'you'll have one drink one day, it's ok, nothing will happen and no one will know hehe' but i'm consciously noting when I think that and change the voice in my head to 'one drink and you'll have a guaranteed blackout'. It seems to work for me for now.
I'm on day 5, and yes, my resolve at times to never drink seems to diminish at times. My AV will say 'you'll have one drink one day, it's ok, nothing will happen and no one will know hehe' but i'm consciously noting when I think that and change the voice in my head to 'one drink and you'll have a guaranteed blackout'. It seems to work for me for now.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Boston, Mass
Posts: 1,004
Thanks for posting this, frixion. I've been feeling less strong lately, too. That sense of "temporary sobriety" that you spoke of has been having a go at me. It was really starting to concern me, almost to the point of obsessing over "why am I having these thoughts?". I've been trying to get back to what has gotten me this far: not drinking today. THAT is my responsibility. And I'll do it again tomorrow. Then the next day. Obsessing over the possibility of "future drinking" is maybe counterproductive for me, causing me stress, and the more I thought about it the more real it seemed. I could picture it in my mind, and it started to seem inevitable.
Then the "future drinking" got closer. "Well, if you're going to drink anyway, might as well get started sooner rather than later!" Yup, that thought occurred to me. Freakin' AV is a mad genius!
Then the "future drinking" got closer. "Well, if you're going to drink anyway, might as well get started sooner rather than later!" Yup, that thought occurred to me. Freakin' AV is a mad genius!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,460
I think you need to accept the thought that sobriety is forever, and not temporary. Yes, one day at a time works, but, for me, I needed to know that drinking was not an option, ever, under any circumstances. When I accepted that, my mind shifted and I found new and healthy ways to live and deal with life. I do believe it's acceptance.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 346
The self-defeating lie! How I loathe it.
I had the same thought for months. "Who am I fooling?" "I can't do this" "I'm just a drunk"
I really like SMART and AVRT for this. That is just your AV whining and trying to get you to drink. I found expressing these thoughts to someone in person who wants me to be sober made them go away...and made me feel foolish for even letting my mind dwell there.
I know I can't control my first thought but I can control my second and my actions.
Also, and I know you don't want to hear this, I have found that AA can be whatever you need it to be. It's not my primary method but I do go to a Saturday morning meditation meeting.
IMO if this is how you are feeling I think you need to do more not less. If you don't feel AA is a good fit, ok, but replace those meeting and the work you are doing.
I had the same thought for months. "Who am I fooling?" "I can't do this" "I'm just a drunk"
I really like SMART and AVRT for this. That is just your AV whining and trying to get you to drink. I found expressing these thoughts to someone in person who wants me to be sober made them go away...and made me feel foolish for even letting my mind dwell there.
I know I can't control my first thought but I can control my second and my actions.
Also, and I know you don't want to hear this, I have found that AA can be whatever you need it to be. It's not my primary method but I do go to a Saturday morning meditation meeting.
IMO if this is how you are feeling I think you need to do more not less. If you don't feel AA is a good fit, ok, but replace those meeting and the work you are doing.
Journey of Sobriety
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 195
Originally Posted by silentrun
When I quit I was just trying to escape. I didn't think about forever until right around 6 months and then I was just happy to be done with it. It takes time. Having to fess up if I drank kept me from using in the beginning. On another thread you mentioned wanting to start a family. Tell yourself it is one or the other so you have a perspective on this.
Journey of Sobriety
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 195
Originally Posted by MrLofg0029
What worked for me is to quickly make a plan, and then follow up on that plan with earnest action. Talk is cheap. Actions count.
My perceptions of AA conflicted with my personal beliefs. God this, God that. I'm an atheist. My belief in a deity is as firm as my belief in Santa Claus (still). I use the word God as a lazy expression for the mechanism by which I stay sober.
I'm sober in AA, and I do things that sober people in AA do, to include pray. No idea what I pray to, but I do pray, nonetheless. I pray because someone with long term sobriety and a good life advised that I try it. What's the worst that could happen? So, I prayed... but I did not believe in God. I still don't believe in God. However, I do believe that the actions, including prayer, that sober AA's take to maintain sobriety are effective. I do not know or care why they are effective.
Getting really active in AA helped me to occupy my time. It gave me a community I could rely on, at times heavily, for the sole purpose of staying sober. It kept me accountable.
My resistance to AAs higher power was just ego. I didn't want anyone thinking that I was a sycophant sheep. I cared more about how people perceived me than I did about being sober. At least, that's the message my actions very clearly demonstrated. I wanted sobriety, but not to compromise my principles.
So, how desperate are you? I got desperate enough to try anything.
My advice is that you make your plan, whatever it is, and follow it up with action.
You could try alternative recovery communities, exercise, therapy, meditation, or all of the above.
My perceptions of AA conflicted with my personal beliefs. God this, God that. I'm an atheist. My belief in a deity is as firm as my belief in Santa Claus (still). I use the word God as a lazy expression for the mechanism by which I stay sober.
I'm sober in AA, and I do things that sober people in AA do, to include pray. No idea what I pray to, but I do pray, nonetheless. I pray because someone with long term sobriety and a good life advised that I try it. What's the worst that could happen? So, I prayed... but I did not believe in God. I still don't believe in God. However, I do believe that the actions, including prayer, that sober AA's take to maintain sobriety are effective. I do not know or care why they are effective.
Getting really active in AA helped me to occupy my time. It gave me a community I could rely on, at times heavily, for the sole purpose of staying sober. It kept me accountable.
My resistance to AAs higher power was just ego. I didn't want anyone thinking that I was a sycophant sheep. I cared more about how people perceived me than I did about being sober. At least, that's the message my actions very clearly demonstrated. I wanted sobriety, but not to compromise my principles.
So, how desperate are you? I got desperate enough to try anything.
My advice is that you make your plan, whatever it is, and follow it up with action.
You could try alternative recovery communities, exercise, therapy, meditation, or all of the above.
I feel that I can relate to you a lot when it comes to your reservations of AA, and maybe I can take some of what I learned from AA and put it into actions that work well for me. I love the idea of using exercise and meditation, because those are the kind of actions that make me care about what I am putting into my body! Thanks for the suggestions
Journey of Sobriety
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 195
Originally Posted by Para
Drinking can seem inevitable. That's why the sayings 'Today I will not drink' or 'one day at a time' are so amazing. I try not to look so far, I just look as far as today, and that I want to go to bed sober.
I'm on day 5, and yes, my resolve at times to never drink seems to diminish at times. My AV will say 'you'll have one drink one day, it's ok, nothing will happen and no one will know hehe' but i'm consciously noting when I think that and change the voice in my head to 'one drink and you'll have a guaranteed blackout'. It seems to work for me for now.
I'm on day 5, and yes, my resolve at times to never drink seems to diminish at times. My AV will say 'you'll have one drink one day, it's ok, nothing will happen and no one will know hehe' but i'm consciously noting when I think that and change the voice in my head to 'one drink and you'll have a guaranteed blackout'. It seems to work for me for now.
Sometimes I get overwelmed with "forever" , and forget to take a step back and remember to just stay sober right now!
Journey of Sobriety
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 195
Originally Posted by Anna
I think you need to accept the thought that sobriety is forever, and not temporary. Yes, one day at a time works, but, for me, I needed to know that drinking was not an option, ever, under any circumstances. When I accepted that, my mind shifted and I found new and healthy ways to live and deal with life. I do believe it's acceptance.
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