BioTrader91

Idk if anyone is even going to read this, but if not at least I can get some things off of my chest. This will probably end up being very unorganized because I will probably end up just rambling...

Background: I've been drinking socially (at parties/with friends) for a while but it has never become a problem or excessive until recently. I was raised in a typical family and had a great childhood. I graduated high school and went to college [still in college] for 4 years (a semester or two of not so decent grades which I had to make up) but it happens. My overall GPA is around a 3.0.

By the time I had reached high school or maybe toward the end, my family life hasn't been so great although my dad and I are very very close. I consider him my best friend even more so than my older brother who I care deeply about too. My mom on the other hand is the polar opposite of my brother, my dad, and myself. I know this sounds childish and immature, but I feel like she sincerely doesn't like me or enjoys yelling/nagging at me for everything. I try to avoid her most of the time because I feel like she is mentally ill and she is very rude towards me for no apparent reason...(even my brother's girlfriend happen to notice it which is odd because my mom tries very hard to come off as the nicest person). We often get into arguments over the dumbest things and I have to try extremely hard just to plead my case about something as stupid as my tone of voice when I talk the same way to everyone? Or if I hear something said on TV or the radio and say a comment just to say it, she has to say the opposite of what it is I said and say that I'm wrong just to argue with me...My dad, brother, and I have secretly talked about her and agree that she is either mentally ill or just a mean spirited human being. I'm not a rude person and no one thinks of me that way except for her. I have to put up with this on a daily basis because I'm currently at the house (I'll get into that as we go on).

Okay, time for the next rant...(anyone still here? lol [crickets])...So thanks to my dad, I was able to attend a good college for about 3 years and join a fraternity because my dad is a great person and wants me to have a good time while in college. It was a lot of fun and I did well academically...I made a lot of friends and felt "normal" for the first time in a while after having to deal with "you know who". I decided to take a break from school because I was burned out honestly. I actually took an entire year off to take the burden off of my dad when I went back to school. (I thought it was unfair that he was paying for me to have fun)...so I just ended up saving money to go back. I moved back. All of my friends were really excited and so was I. We ended up going out one night to a party and I was the center of attention since my entire fraternity was there and they haven't seen me in like a year. Everything went great, until I drove home and got a DWI...yeah just my luck right? The very first night out...lol. I had to wait in jail for 2 days instead of just one because the system was down...so when I got out of jail my p!$s was dark brown because I hadn't eaten or drank for 2 days...literally nothing except for a few sips of water from a disgusting moldy faucet above a toilet the next morning. On top of that, I blew over .15 (coming in at a .16 aka .01% over lmao) and guess what, because of that .01%, I have an interlock device which I have to blow into to start the vehicle and every 5 minutes on top of that...If I blew a .15 I wouldn't have to have it installed...bad luck follows me everywhere. Plus all of the money that I worked for is gone toward that. Yeah life's great!

Okay, so time for the grand finally: I am currently back at "the house" aka not away at college...and keep in mind this place is full of trashy people (that's being cordial) and people who I honestly never want to associate with in my lifetime or the next. But I'm here so what do I do now...well I don't know anyone here, I can't drive a girl on a date (because of the embarrassing blow device in my vehicle), and I'm on probation which basically means I'm in jail without being in jail...My plan all along was to do what I do best...which is trading stocks. While I was away at school I picked up on how to trade stocks and manage money in the stock market which I still do today for my dad and I'm quite good at it. However, I've had back to back 3 month trading restrictions because of the BROKER! Not something I did!!!! So basically I wasn't able to trade for 90 days (not my fault but I brushed it off since I still had my account to trade...) then my account goes underwater because of THEM!

I've always been a religious person and went to church every Sunday but I've been questioning why all of this stuff is happening to me? Lately I've just been getting drunk because first of all, I'm bored as hell and can't even trade my accounts...that's like taking away a Welders hands. I can't DRIVE A CAR (the devices are crap, and they don't even work properly...half are defective so it's just another excuse for the court to issue a longer sentence to accumulate more money from me when I do nothing wrong)...and second because I'm depressed!!! I can't do anything.....and I know this might offend some people, but I don't believe in praying to God anymore because I've been not caring about anything lately and just letting things happen the way they would naturally and honestly, it's been a breath of fresh air....like things go better when I don't pray or ask for anything. I have just decided that no one is going to help me and I'm the only one who can possibly make a difference and ever since I began believeing that, decend things have been happening? Praying usually gets me the opposite of what I pray for. I'm not insinuating that God doesn't exist or do wonderful things for people, but he sure has excluded me for some reason. Idk what I did to deserve all of this, but anyways back to the topic....I think I might be becoming an alcoholic because of everything that has happened to me. I drink probably 7-10 beers 3 or 4 times a week and it used to be maybe once every month or two. I believe that our justice system is jaded because it doesn't take any of the above into account. The judge looks at a piece of paper...I'm a piece of paper...a phuck!ng piece of paper while he judges me and sentences me to this kind of torture without knowing what I've been through...what kind of person I am...without knowing what I've been through. Would he sentence himself that way? Probably not....but for me.....no problem!

I like how the court has "correctional department" tagged onto it so it looks like they're trying to help people get back on track lol...what a joke...If anything it turned me into what I am today...i.e. someone who drinks all of the time. Thanks for nothing you bags of dirt...

nomis

Welcome to SR Biotrader. Here's a quote from the Joe Walsh song, One Day at a Time:

Well I finally got around to admit that I was a problem.
When I used to put the blame on everybody's shoulders but mine.

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

Do you want to stop drinking? I'm not clear from what you wrote whether you are looking to stop drinking or not. If you are, we're here to help.

You got the DUI and blew .16 so now you are stuck dealing with the consequences. If you can't drive because the interlock device doesn't work, then how about exchanging it for one that does work?

And, your trading account has gone underwater because you have trading restrictions from something the Broker did, which isn't your fault? How about complaining to your boss, or your boss's boss and getting things sorted out?

BioTrader91

Thanks, and I've thought I was the problem on many occasions...But I feel as though I am a product of my environment and it has been a crappy environment to say the least.


I think that I've been drinking way more than the average person should and I'd like to cut back to a normal range which has been extremely hard. So yes I am opening up and admitting that I drink too much. I'm drinking now if that has any significance...but as for the interlock device, it's junk, but the only way I can prove that is to sit at the calibration office for 6 hours blowing in it repeatedly to prove it which isn't even a guarantee...Believe me I've called numerous times requesting a new device and they have to go through a whole lot of "adjustments" which would end up costing me more money lol...(obviously because nothing is free...in fact everything is a scam).

And as for the Brokerage Account...it was their fault (I use Fidelity)...and they screwed it up big time for me. [precluding this: I called them on a RECORDED LINE, and had documented chat conversations that have reference numbers of the "EXPERTS" informing me on what I can and cannot do on NUMEROUS occasions]......but still it was left up to the SEC to either restrict my account or not and of course they never heard my side of the story...capitalism at its finest!

BioTrader91

But honestly I don't know where else to turn...I feel like I'm all alone and I can't talk to anyone around me. I just want control of my life again.

Dee74

You'll find a lot of support advice and encouragement BT

The one thing I wanted to add is, if you are an alcoholic, you won't be able to return to 'normal drinking'. I really believe, and I have 20 years of trying to prove it, that once we cross that line, that's it. No return.

D

LBrain

I'm still trying to think of something to say.

Hope you are prepared to turn things around.

hope22

It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now. For me drinking always made difficult situations worse. Those interlock devices are a pain, but its part of the consequences of drinking and driving. I've been there, but try to look on the bright side at least you can drive. Do you want to quit drinking?

MIRecovery

Your problems will get worse as long you continue to drink. We can get off the freight train to ruin any time we want. All we have to do is stop drinking.

All of your problems are of your own making and alcohol is at the heart of them.

There is tons of great advice here if you wish to quit but very little on how to manage your life with alcohol in it.

There is a fantastic sober life out there just reach out and grab it

Berrybean

Life can be hard for us at times, especially when we feel that none of it is our fault and we are have no control over it.

I often thought it would be pretty cool if god was like Santa and praying could be like a Christmas list. Now I'm thankful that I didn't get what I wished for when I was still drinking (not that I even bothered praying back then) as those things really would NOT have been good for me.

I hope you are successful in your desire to quit drinking. Sobriety can hold the key to being able to unburden yourself of those resentments (against your family, and all the other people you did and didn't mention) which can really hold you back and make your life feel like rubbish and stop you noticing what is good in it.

Good luck.

IOAA2

HI.
If alcohol is a problem and is the result of your difficulties there is a test available.

Try not drinking for 90 days with NO excuses to drink. If you don’t feel better and life is better perhaps there are other problems involved.
Alcohol is an alcoholics escape vehicle and worked for a period of time then turned on us.
I suggest reading a lot of posts here and going to meetings for identification.


BE WELL

Fly N Buy

Glad you are here and posting. For those of us who are alcoholics resentments are the number one offenders of why we drink! We drank at them....... I'll show you - you hurt me so I'll hurt me! That is insane....

Most alcoholics have a lot of pride. Many are egomaniacs with an inferiority complex. I found Alcohol wasn't the problem in my life, it was the solution. I had to find other ways to deal with my problems than drinking and blaming others.

Self pity is simply pride in reverse - two side of the same coin. No one can tell you exactly what to do with all your issues. But, if you desire to be sober SR can provide one level of support. There are many others that I find necessary, but SR helps a ton of people - wholly or in part of their recovery.

Keep posting, ask questions and take some responsibility for where you are today in your life.

I pray today as if the action is up to me, but turn the results over to God. If you have a spiritual side don't shut yourself off from the sunlight of the spirit. It is there where the answer indeed exist!

Soberwolf

Welcome Biotrader

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum BioTrader!!

MrLofg0029

You seem like a reasonably intelligent guy. If you are indeed an alcoholic, and your story does read like the early stages of progressive alcoholism, you won't be very successful at attempts to cut back. Your problems, whether you perceive them as the fault of your actions or the actions of others, will continue to mount.

I am an alcoholic, and I can't really say whether normal people drink like you drink or experience what you're experciencing. However, my drinking did get much, much worse when I failed to recognize that I'd lost control. I was (very) successful, academically and professionally.

An experiment you might try is controlled drinking. Plan the days and a modest number of drinks 1-2 beers/wines, or a single mixed drink). Was it enjoyable, were you successful, and how focused were you on not exceeding your limit (ie were you satisfied)?