AM at it again

Old 04-06-2015, 11:39 AM
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AM at it again

Last August one of my mom's friends made multiple calls to me with horrible voicemails, cussing me out, calling me names, threatening to call my work, the police. My mom knew that happened (she was there) and still chose to be friends with that woman and her family. I knew that woman, but not really any of her family. Well, yesterday my second oldest daughter in Boston got a facebook message from the woman's sister (whom NONE of us know) saying that my mom wanted to get in touch with her and help her out with money and anything else she might need. Told her to call my mom. Typical manipulating. My daughter was quite upset, so I told her to just reply to the woman politely and say thanks but she's in a good place and wouldn't want to take my mom's money as she doesn't really need it.... and then BLOCK her and the sister from Facebook.
It upset me but not as much as I thought it would, and then my other daughter put it in perspective and said, "mom it's not your fault". Love my kids.
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Old 04-06-2015, 11:57 AM
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Some people are just addicted to meddling and chaos. Ugh!
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Old 04-06-2015, 12:56 PM
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Wait, if am I reading you as saying that this individual contacted your daughter and said something like, "hey your grandma wants to talk to you and help you out and stuff because she cares". AND...this person was not a familiar individual to your daughter?

This is like adding an extra layer of triangulation to the mix. They don't realize, the meaning is completely lost when you have someone else send out your "heartfelt" information.

My FOO does that sometimes too. "Hey, your family wants to see you" or "so-and-so would like to call you or talk to you" and I think to myself, "ummm...they have a mouth - they have fingers - they know my phone number - they know my e-mail - they have access to my FB - they could contact me if they really wanted to". That's what I said to one of my siblings. I said, "they are welcome to tell me that themselves then - I believe it when I hear it directly from them" - guess what the response was??? SILENCE.
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Old 04-06-2015, 01:01 PM
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I wouldn't reply to that woman at all. How dare she contact someone on Facebook that she doesn't even know about such personal issues. I would immediately block her and not reply at all.
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Old 04-06-2015, 02:01 PM
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Thanks, I have not asked what she did as she was a bit upset by the whole thing and didn't volunteer the information. And yes, it was a third party - sending one of those messages on Facebook that goes into your "Other" box because it's from someone who isn't your friend. My daughter knows the woman who was harassing me, but does not know the sister. My mom does not have my daughter's phone number or new address, but the whole "I'll give you money" thing just stinks to all of us.
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Old 04-07-2015, 06:07 AM
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Originally Posted by ajarlson View Post
but the whole "I'll give you money" thing just stinks to all of us.
One is tempted to write back, "Hey, she's welcome to send me a check -- I'll take it to the bank!"

But that would be snarky, so we'll refrain.



T
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Old 04-08-2015, 01:14 PM
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Nooooo contaaaaaaaaact. I'm tellin ya. Works all the way around. Having a blocking and banning party!
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Old 04-08-2015, 01:58 PM
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I'm nervous because I sent my daughter a message saying whatever she chose to do I would support her decision. And she didn't message me back. The rational part says she's just busy, she isn't mad, the irrational part wants to scream because she hates this part of our family so much that she very much could indeed be angry at me.
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Old 04-08-2015, 03:36 PM
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Originally Posted by ajarlson View Post
I'm nervous because I sent my daughter a message saying whatever she chose to do I would support her decision. And she didn't message me back. The rational part says she's just busy, she isn't mad, the irrational part wants to scream because she hates this part of our family so much that she very much could indeed be angry at me.
Those people are not your monkeys and not your circus. You might feel like you're guilty by association, but you're not. If your daughter has good boundaries and a clear head on her shoulders (which I bet she does), then she wouldn't blame you for drama you had no direct part in whatsoever.

I'm so sorry for this mess, though. Makes me feel icky just thinking about it. All that manipulation and triangulation. Yuck!
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Old 04-11-2015, 01:57 PM
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I'm late coming to this thread but I really like what LadyOwl just said about your daughter and her boundaries - from what you've said I'd guess your daughter has too much common sense to fault you for those messages showing up in her inbox.
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