Serenidad

Do you ever feel like you are the only one in the world that isn't smiling from ear to ear 24 hours a day and living a life full of rainbows and unicorns? I DO!

I realize it's probably not true, but I happen to have 3 siblings who AREN'T alcoholics, are normal drinkers, "light up a room" when they walk into it and are always fricking happy! And then there's ME....the alcoholic with all the problems. :-(

I just feel so damn inadequate sometimes...even around my own husband and kids. I just needed to get that off my chest. It just hurts. I am the oldest of 4 and the one who took 95% of the abuse as a child. No wonder I'm so F-d up! :-(

Thanks for reading. Feeling sad. Not gonna drink over it though.

ScottFromWI

Feeling inadequate is very common, yes. And some times I do too. But I think you also have a pretty heavy dose of self-pity mixed in here as well.

The reality is that no one is smiling ear-to-ear each day and living a life full of rainbows and unicorns 24/7. You may imagine that when you see someone acting happy, but at the end of the day everyone has problems. We all have problems with our families, jobs, kids, houses, cars, health, money, etc.... there is no such thing as Utopia.

Gratitude for what we DO have can really help in changing these thoughts around.

FreeOwl

not really....

I sometimes feel more down that at other times.

But one thing I'm pretty sure of is that even those who are happy aren't always happy. We are sometimes ALL miserable.

Nobody's life is full of rainbows and unicorns.

But many people are able to cherish their experiences of the rainbows and unicorns even while they're being poured upon by monsoons and chased by rabid bears.

the good news is that we all have this capacity. we all have the ability to get out of our own way, to let go of the self that clings to the thoughts that drag us down and to open ourselves to a freedom.

I myself am dealing today with the throes of continued misery over being stuck in a career I can't see a way to change at this stage of life and yet knowing it is not what I want to do with my life.....

It's horribly depressing at times... the crushing weight of faking my way through another day of a stressful job I really don't like or care about.

Yet even in that, I am able to see so many blessings and so much worth in life and carry a core of joy and gratitude.

Those may not be rainbows or unicorns - but they help get me through and I also remind myself that these struggles I feel are shared by many.

The reason there is so much alcohol, drugs, sugar addiction, food addiction, gambling, cheating, war, conflict and anger in the world today is that it is HUMAN to feel this way.

It is each of our journey to learn how to live as joyfully as we do miserably...

TroyW

Yep, totally relate. Everyone seems to having a great life, but I sit around in misery. At least I have my dogs though, or else I'd probably be hanging by a noose right now.

I also realize it's totally my fault. Not my fault I've been hurt and taken advantage of so much in life, but my fault I don't work up the courage to put myself out there again. Had a coffee date with someone who looked almost perfect at 8pm tonight (3 hours ago), but cancelled it so I could sit behind my laptop and drink. He doesn't need someone like myself in his life.

Anna

I felt like that in my drinking days. But, once I stopped drinking my perspective shifted. I started listening to people and meeting new people, and no one had a perfect life. Their problems might have been different than mine, but there were usually some problems. I think it's also important to not let those problems define you. They are a part of your life, but they don't have to dictate how you feel every day. You can choose to feel good.

readerbaby71

Have you talked to a psychiatrist and/or therapist? The feelings you describe are often symptoms of severe depression. Just remember 'feelings aren't facts".

I'm so sorry you're having a tough time. HUGS.

pigeonhead

I hear ya. I'd been in a cloud of self-pity for the last 18 months or so following my separation from my husband. Facebook didn't help (the whole social comparison thing--everyone's lives look so rosy!). Even though I knew that so much of how people present their lives is illusion, I felt massive amounts of regret, sadness, and self-pity. Drinking exacerbates the bad feelings, that's for sure. I never felt so awful psychologically as I did with a hangover. I think recognizing the bad feelings for what they are is helpful, if painful. Hang in there! I have four siblings (middle kid), and I'm easily the most dysfunctional, at least by "normal" standards. I'm beginning to think that dealing with addiction gives one a perspective, internal and external, that "regular" people don't have, so there's that!

ArtFriend

I was feeling a little like you Serenidad last week... then this week a friend of mine passed away, another had a mental breakdown and had to be committed to a psych hospital, and finally yesterday I got an Easter call from the daughter one of my mother's friends. I wasn't able to talk to her directly because her condition has seriously declined. This woman is 87, has Parkinson's disease and cannot move or speak. She is lifted out of her bed by a machine that places her in a wheelchair for the day and then it puts her back to bed at night. Imagine that kind of life.

So... when you start feeling like everyone is like a unicorn farting rainbows, remember the misery that people endure everyday and count those blessings GF.

DrunkTx

Serindad - this weekend I had a ton to finish. Had to finish taxes, finish some residual items related to car theft last week, work reports, etc. I also am going through some pretty heavy shiz at work that is pretty stressful. Having said all that, I got through the weekend and did what needed to be done A-Z!

On our run this morning, I was commenting to my wife how debilitating it is for me mentally when "to do's" keep piling up, and when there is confrontation at work. But, I was so proud of myself for cleaning my desk so to speak - a load off, if you will. I then said to my wife, if it's this bad in my head, and I actually dealt with my things, imagine how hard it is for non a-types who just punt and defer stuff. She said: it's only bad in your head because you are an a-type. Most of us Joe blo's either aren't cognitive enough to understand the impacts you are stressing over, or just don't care. For about three miles I tried to explain to her why she was missing my point, and just didn't understand the observation. For the last two miles, I realized it was me who didn't understand.

In sobriety, one of the things I desperately work on is getting out of my own head. I have absolute certainty that 75% of my dissatisfactions are purely self imposed by my own crazy. I'm certain that everybody goes through the hardships and tribulations I do every single day - I am not unique. The only difference is how my brain processes them vs. others. The good news is that knowing others face the same issues and get through them actually gives me strength and confidence to face them, while knowing I should be happy and/or content dealing. Life on life's terms.

totfit

Something that may apply and has helped me is, "Don't judge your insides, but other peoples appearance". All of us have fears and some feelings of inadequacies. We are all "beans". Those things that we may have done due to issues of alcohol problems may take some time to overcome. Taking small steps in a positive direction will eventually help you overcome the feelings of inadequacy with "time".

Serenidad

You're right Scott. I think there may be a little self-pity in there. I need to make a gratitude list and get in to "action"! I talked to my sponsor for a while right after I posted this and feel a little better.

On another note, are you from Wisconsin? If so...good luck in the National Championship tonite! I'm soooo glad they beat Kentucky! Haha

Serenidad

Thanks so much Owl! Loved your post! I hope you find a job you love one day. In God's time you will. And you're absolutely right about all the addictions. Lots of misery in the world, sadly. I guess I should be grateful that I have a solution today.

Serenidad

Hang in there Troy. We will get throughout this together. One thing I DO know is alcohol is NEVER gonna make me feel better. It's always going to make things worse. If the only thing I do today is NOT drink...then it was a good day.

Serenidad

Thank you for reminding me that I can CHOOSE to feel good Anna! (Without alcohol of course because alcohol makes me feel like I am in hell) One day at a time...I know things will get better if I stay away from the drink.

Serenidad

No reader, I haven't talked to a psych or therapist about it but have talked to my AA sponsor. She says what I am feeling is most likely just early sobriety still. Also, the holidays have always been hard for me and I often have emotional hangovers after they are over. There was LOTS of fighting and trauma on holidays when I was young (and even now with my mother) so I associate holidays with fear and sadness sometimes.

If these feelings continue I will see a doctor again though. I really need to add some daily exercise. That works wonders. Thanks for caring. :-)

Serenidad

Thank you for your post pigeon. It sounds like you relate. It makes me feel better to know people understand. Oh and the Facebook thing! I am trying not to get on FB for a while for the exact reasons you just said! Thank you again!

Serenidad

Wow...thanks for the reminder ArtFriend! I need to do a gratitude list! NOW!!!

Carlotta

I don't go around 24/7 with a grin being "Happy Joyous and Free" but I am mainly content and grateful. I do have issues too but I work with people who are basically destitute and many have major problems (whether it is health, legal, active addiction etc.) so it really puts things back into perspective for me.
Have you considered volunteering somewhere where you could be in contact and help people who have major problems like a food bank, a shelter or an hospital?
Seriously, helping out in the community and being of service is a very good way to put our lives and our own issues back in perspective.

Sometimes, it is better to focus on what we have rather than what we don't have.
Do you do gratitude lists? I m serious. Try writing 5 things a day you are grateful for and spend a little bit of time contemplating those.
Have you checked out this section of SR? Maybe consider participating a for a bit until you are out of your funk?
The Gratitude List - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I m a bit concerned about you because it seems like there are some unresolved resentments toward your family and resentments easily lead to self pity and to drinking (or to anger then drinking).
Relapse often starts in our head and the way we perceive things before we pick up a drink. I m glad you posted here and shared. I hope you will now take corrective actions.

The point is that you don't have to go around with an imbecilic smile on your face pretending that all is peachy but you don't have to wallow in the negative either and when you feel the feelings of inadequacy and resentment popping up you have the power to tackle them and nip it right in the bud.

Serenidad

Wonderful post Drunktx! I totally relate!!! I'm totally type A too. I'm so glad I have a 12 step program and a new way of thinking and life to help me with all if this craziness!!!

MidnightBlue

Serenidad, I feel like this a lot.

You are certainly not alone.

I haven't figured out solution for this yet.

Big hugs to you! Feel better!