immri

Just gone midnight day 8 for me since my last 5 day bender, and afraid what's going on right now might cause me to drink (I actually don't think I will, I'm more determined than ever, but I am also aware how impulsive I can be when I feel upset In this way - it's like I forget all logic for a few minutes and run and get a drink in me before I can even think it through) so I'm reaching out and trying to stay accountable

The person I went through a break up with both times my last two relapses (we've honestly broken up about 5 times in the last few months, but been together about 5 years, the first few good albeit still very unhealthy really) is contacting me again tonight, I thought we were done and now it's like he's trying to end things all over again, going over how much I meant and how wonderful I WAS etc - I really don't understand why
it's utterly exhausting and my biggest trigger to drink, in fact he in general has been my biggest trigger, but I'm determined not to drink over it this time,
I don't have another binge OR those withdrawals in me, it will kill me or I will at least lose everything I have left

so I suppose more than anything I'm reaching out here asap and will keep updating this as anything changes/if cravings become stronger, none of my friends or family can stand him any more so I've no where else to vent, but even more than that I know if I have this here it will make me unable to just 'drink without thinking', I've got no excuse to pick up if I'm reaching out addressing my feelings head on Thanks for listening

Soberwolf

(((Immri))) Stick close to SR bud

NikTes

Hi immi, take it moment by moment?

Do you *need* to have contact with the ex tonight? Can you ignore the call or not show up to the meet-up? You have protect yourself by protecting your sobriety.

A difficult and very sad thing to have a break-up happen all over again -- Groundhog's Day. Try to find a way to give yourself peace. All good things.

And congrats on day 8!

PurpleKnight

Day 8 is fantastic!! Keep pushing through!! You can do this!!

immri

Thanks guys,
Niktes I did end up ignoring a call and went to sleep, I now just have a bunch of messages and emails though, but no I'm definitely not going to see him or call I don't even understand the point of messaging now after everything
You're right, it's Groundhog Day! It sucks

Anyway feeling ok right now, woke up feeling reasonably ok, I know il get another email or message today but I'll stick around here I think

Dee74

Glad you got through it Immri

why not consider blocking the calls?

D

immri

Yeah I have considered this, I didn't want to because I did say if he ever does really need me I'll be here - he has quite severe depression and his own addictions and has called me thinking of suicide before - but that was when I thought it was over and I felt I could deal with it from a safe distance, now I feel a bit manipulated and in no place to help him anyway, so I might need to
I don't know, never been in this situation before

Oh well at least I don't feel like drinking!!