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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 189
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Hi Folks....
I signed up here back in October 2014 and went close to 2 months of sobriety. It was during the Christmas season when I had a lot of time off and my SO was not around (she has been overseas for months but will be returning in May) that my boredom got the better of me and I caved to my AV. That decision turned into almost 4 months of binge drinking.
In the last few weeks, it has been daily and the amounts ever increasing. To make things worse (for the situation), I just started a new job with very good pay which allowed me to not worry so much about how much I was spending on alcohol (my finances used to be a deciding factor in my alcoholism which kept it to a lesser degree). I don't have to tell you in detail how idiotic and embarrassing I can act when I am drunk - I'm sure we have all been there - but Friday night was the last straw for me again. I'm almost done day 2.
Again.
I'm tired of drinking. I'm tired of caring and worrying about how I acted the night before. I'm tired of this stupid, needless cycle. I am going to stick to my guns this time. After reading many different threads on here, I realize just how lucky I am that all I have lost so far is my self-respect and dignity. I think I have had sort of a reality check and wallowing in my self-pity is a useless waste of time. Especially when I still have so much.
( I hope that doesn't sound like I am taking pleasure in someone else's pain. I just meant that it opened my eyes.)
I signed up here back in October 2014 and went close to 2 months of sobriety. It was during the Christmas season when I had a lot of time off and my SO was not around (she has been overseas for months but will be returning in May) that my boredom got the better of me and I caved to my AV. That decision turned into almost 4 months of binge drinking.
In the last few weeks, it has been daily and the amounts ever increasing. To make things worse (for the situation), I just started a new job with very good pay which allowed me to not worry so much about how much I was spending on alcohol (my finances used to be a deciding factor in my alcoholism which kept it to a lesser degree). I don't have to tell you in detail how idiotic and embarrassing I can act when I am drunk - I'm sure we have all been there - but Friday night was the last straw for me again. I'm almost done day 2.
Again.
I'm tired of drinking. I'm tired of caring and worrying about how I acted the night before. I'm tired of this stupid, needless cycle. I am going to stick to my guns this time. After reading many different threads on here, I realize just how lucky I am that all I have lost so far is my self-respect and dignity. I think I have had sort of a reality check and wallowing in my self-pity is a useless waste of time. Especially when I still have so much.
( I hope that doesn't sound like I am taking pleasure in someone else's pain. I just meant that it opened my eyes.)
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,508
Hi dcrr. 
You sound disgusted and ready to get free of it. I had to reach that point too. What had once been fun & relaxing just brought me misery in the end. I never knew where that first drink would take me. It usually led to embarrassment and often danger. We don't need it! You can do this.
You sound disgusted and ready to get free of it. I had to reach that point too. What had once been fun & relaxing just brought me misery in the end. I never knew where that first drink would take me. It usually led to embarrassment and often danger. We don't need it! You can do this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 189
Well, I recognize that this isn't my first rodeo. I know that I need to do something different this time otherwise I will get the same results as last time. I am trying to muster the courage to go to an open meeting tomorrow evening. I'm not entirely sure why I am so hesitant to go. But I know I have to.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 189
So I sat in on a meeting last night - it was interesting but I didn't feel the 'connection' I thought I would. It did not seem like a good fit for me. I think AA is a great resource for many people but I am going to explore other avenues for support. I find reading all that I can on SR helps immensely, for one.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Originally Posted by dcrr 
So I sat in on a meeting last night - it was interesting but I didn't feel the 'connection' I thought I would. It did not seem like a good fit for me. I think AA is a great resource for many people but I am going to explore other avenues for support. I find reading all that I can on SR helps immensely, for one.
Hi.
I’m glad your back.
I found in the beginning that we/I’m the worst enemy in getting and staying sober. I was undisciplined and wanted what I wanted when I want it with no consideration of the damage to my processing power or emotional state. I searched for a softer easier way and came away empty handed. Then when the pain within became unbearable I surrendered and started to follow the directions from sober people.
I didn’t say I liked them but by constant practice they worked.
It took awhile but after a period I can say it’s great feeling comfortable in my own skin most of the time over the years.
It all starts with not picking up that first drink even if out A$$ falls off!
BE WELL
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