Yogagurl

I know that others can identify with what I'm about to post and I needed a little consolation, even though this is not about healing from a codependent relationship or rehab or intervention or anything like that. This is about talk. Bad mouthing.

Cutting to the chase: I was leaving a wedding in Oct 2013 and I hit a road block, was convicted for a DUI and my BAC was high enough that I was required to get an interlock device installed in my vehicle. This mistake in my life is by no means a marking point to place judgement on my character and I know that. No one on this earth with the exception of my lawyer, my exAH, and my brother (who I have cut out of my life) know that I was pulled and the consequences of that night.

A woman who I have never met before sent me a message (she lives in Maine and is the sister to the man's ex-wife I am currently dating) basically telling me that I am a "step down" from her sister since I have a "breathalyzer in my car". My exAH has spoken to my boyfriend's ex wife and basically dragged my name through the mud, exposing any transgressions of mine from the past. There is very little dirt that you could really possibly pull up on me and the DUI is really the one thing in my life I have tried my best to hide.

Here's the thing - I don't care about who is stalking my page and trying to dig dirt up on me and all that. It's really desperate and pathetic to me that someone who lives hundreds of miles away from me would even admit to digging around and cyber stalking. What hurt my feelings is that someone (me exAH) could be so malicious and expose such things about me, especially after having been so supportive to - physically, emotionally, spiritually. He would literally do anything and say anything to anyone who he thought could take his words and use them to have a negative impact on my life. I left my ex AH for several reasons but none of them were malicious and I even continued to try to "watch out" for him after I left. Yet he would continue to do anything he could that would cause me suffering and keep me from being happy, that I know. He broke in to my house on Christmas and told his girlfriend to fight me after I took a restraining order out on him for threatening me. Then he's bad mouthing me all over the town I live in. Then, in Feb, he was riding around in my neighborhood and flipped my BF and I off while we were taking a walk - after I dropped criminal charges against him in the hopes he would go to rehab. He's a wretched human being.

I really just needed some consolation because I'm angry and I feel any response to negative accusations is a waste of my time, especially to someone (the sister) whose perception of me is so distorted that it wouldn't even make sense to attempt it. People will believe what they want to believe, and that's usually the story that will make them feel best about themselves.

Thanks.

JOIE12

Yogagurl,
When I divorced my alcoholic XH - he eventually picked up with a woman who to this day feels threatened by me. Personally, when I am 'done' - I am DONE ... I never go back and I do not do anything to threaten any relationship. This GF told everyone in his family and our mutual friends things about me that were reprehensible.

I never said one word to anyone unless they asked. Usually I just said, you knew me for so many long years, what do you think is true coming from her?

I never refuted her words, actions or the fact that his whole family walked away from me and our children. Sure it hurt and sure I was angry. I thought about all the ways that I could make life just as miserable for her.

but in the end ... that would make me as insecure as she is.

Well he passed away early .. 2 weeks ago and I walked into the hospital and funeral home and chatted with everyone that I had not in a very long time. I held my head up and I am proud to show my grown daughters what 'class' is.

so YG - I wish you the same. Anyone that believes nasty talk about you, doesn't deserve to be in your life. Strength will win if you focus on your thoughts and deeds and not on hers. Be the classy lady that you are. She is not. Your ex is not.

Blessing this special day. Happy Easter

Ann

Yogagurl, sweetie, throw some cold water on your face and read this again...there is a reason the woman is your new fella's ex wife...and her sister sounds like one heck of a prize. There is a reason your ex is your ex, and his blabbing bad things about you is an indication of his lack of character, not yours.

How be we put all the ex's and their bad mouthing relatives in a room and let them have a go at it, seeing who can be the bigger jerk. My money is on the sister-in-law who judges people she has never met based on what some vicious ex says.

It's a lovely Easter day today, hold your head high and be proud of your achievments, sometimes the "lessons" of our past bring us to wonderful better tomorrows. Have fun, eat chocolate, enjoy your day...because you can.

Hugs and Hugs
Ann

zoso77

Does this surprise you, YG? It doesn't surprise me.

One of the indirect lessons I've learned through the experience with my AXGF is it's none of my business what other people think of me. The people who are currently in my life -- family, friends, colleagues -- love me and respect me, warts and all. And frankly, I don't give a ---- what anyone else thinks. Let's unpack your case:

All this tells me is the woman who did this:

1) has poor self control
2) has poor boundaries
3) does not have a good BS detector
4) is easily manipulated
5) thinks her opinion means more than its really worth

People have the right to think or believe what they wish. There's nothing you can, or should, do to get her to see things your way. So screw her. Worry about you. Take care of you.

Vale

reread what Zoso said (and Ann) , a few more times......