The Language of Letting Go, April 4
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The Language of Letting Go, April 4
APRIL 4
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Negotiating Conflicts
Recovery is about more than walking away. Sometimes it means learning to stay and deal. It's about building and maintaining relationships that work.
--Beyond Codependency
Problems and conflicts are part of life and relationships - with friends, family, loved ones, and at work -- problem-solving and conflict negotiation are skills we can acquire and improve with time.
Not being willing to tackle and solve problems in relationships leads to unresolved feelings of anger and victimization, terminated relationships, unresolved problems and power plays that intensify the problem and waste time and energy.
Not being willing to face and solve problems means we may run into that problem again.
Some problems with people cannot be worked out in mutually satisfactory ways. Sometimes the problem is a boundary issue we have, and there is not room to negotiate. In that case, we need to clearly understand what we want and need and what our bottom line is.
Some problems with people, though, can be worked out, worked through, and satisfactorily negotiated. Often, there are workable options for solving problems that we will not even see until we become open to the concept of working through problems in relationships rather than running from the problems.
To negotiate problems, we must be willing to identify the problem, let go of blame and shame, and focus on possible creative solutions. To successfully negotiate and solve problems in relationships, we must have a sense of our bottom line and our boundary issues so we don't waste time trying to negotiate non-negotiable issues.
We need to learn to identify what both people really want and need and the different possibilities for working that out. We can learn to be flexible without being too flexible. Committed, intimate relationships mean two people are learning to work together through their problems and conflicts in ways that work in both people's best interest.
Today, I will be open to negotiating conflicts I have with people. I will strive for balance without being too submissive or too demanding. I will strive for appropriate flexibility in my problem-solving efforts.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Negotiating Conflicts
Recovery is about more than walking away. Sometimes it means learning to stay and deal. It's about building and maintaining relationships that work.
--Beyond Codependency
Problems and conflicts are part of life and relationships - with friends, family, loved ones, and at work -- problem-solving and conflict negotiation are skills we can acquire and improve with time.
Not being willing to tackle and solve problems in relationships leads to unresolved feelings of anger and victimization, terminated relationships, unresolved problems and power plays that intensify the problem and waste time and energy.
Not being willing to face and solve problems means we may run into that problem again.
Some problems with people cannot be worked out in mutually satisfactory ways. Sometimes the problem is a boundary issue we have, and there is not room to negotiate. In that case, we need to clearly understand what we want and need and what our bottom line is.
Some problems with people, though, can be worked out, worked through, and satisfactorily negotiated. Often, there are workable options for solving problems that we will not even see until we become open to the concept of working through problems in relationships rather than running from the problems.
To negotiate problems, we must be willing to identify the problem, let go of blame and shame, and focus on possible creative solutions. To successfully negotiate and solve problems in relationships, we must have a sense of our bottom line and our boundary issues so we don't waste time trying to negotiate non-negotiable issues.
We need to learn to identify what both people really want and need and the different possibilities for working that out. We can learn to be flexible without being too flexible. Committed, intimate relationships mean two people are learning to work together through their problems and conflicts in ways that work in both people's best interest.
Today, I will be open to negotiating conflicts I have with people. I will strive for balance without being too submissive or too demanding. I will strive for appropriate flexibility in my problem-solving efforts.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
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Posting early, as I've got an ultra-early day tomorrow w/the Easter bakery...
This particular post is a big one for me. The thing about working out problems, about staying and dealing, isn't something I'm good at. I've always been one to run away, to shut down, when things get uncomfortable. I didn't know any other way.
At this point, I know another, far better, way exists. Now it's up to me to learn how to do things that way.
This particular post is a big one for me. The thing about working out problems, about staying and dealing, isn't something I'm good at. I've always been one to run away, to shut down, when things get uncomfortable. I didn't know any other way.
At this point, I know another, far better, way exists. Now it's up to me to learn how to do things that way.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Originally Posted by walkinganewpath 
I have often seen the time stamp on your posts. You are an hour behind me but still have wondered....do you sleep???
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