Healing and hope
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Healing and hope
I'm a recovering alcoholic. I've been working on my issues with my husband's drinking, my independence, and taking charge of my happiness in the 13 months I've been in recovery.
Middle of this week hubby decided to drink. He wanted to sit down, chat, and catch up while he sipped a cocktail. He was in a good mood but I was so distracted by the odor of alcohol that I cut it short.
I was ok that night, but as is so often the case, I felt jumbled up the next day - even though he wasn't drinking the next day. I didn't want to talk to him, never mind take the bait on his self centered attempts at sex.
For years I used to deflect my drinking behavior by indulging him in what ever he wanted sexually. Since getting sober 13 months ago, I told him that I need sex to be more of a give and take, and told him what that might look like to me. He's not followed that advice, but sulks when his self centered attempts at sex fail, and tells me that I'm unreasonable. I'm grateful that I've learned to recognize his attempts at controlling me that are toxic.
I've come to understand that I don't need to punish myself from now til eternity for a decision I made as a budding alcoholic to marry and have a family with another alcoholic. I deserve a partnership that's not only free of booze, but is based in recovery. It's music to my ears; I cannot even begin to tell you how beautiful that possibility sounds to me.
So.... I'm getting my finances in order. We are selling the house that we can't afford to fix. I am stripping the house of clutter I don't want to move to another home. I'm hoping to have the house on the market by summer.
Being brave and and doing the next right thing feels amazing.
Middle of this week hubby decided to drink. He wanted to sit down, chat, and catch up while he sipped a cocktail. He was in a good mood but I was so distracted by the odor of alcohol that I cut it short.
I was ok that night, but as is so often the case, I felt jumbled up the next day - even though he wasn't drinking the next day. I didn't want to talk to him, never mind take the bait on his self centered attempts at sex.
For years I used to deflect my drinking behavior by indulging him in what ever he wanted sexually. Since getting sober 13 months ago, I told him that I need sex to be more of a give and take, and told him what that might look like to me. He's not followed that advice, but sulks when his self centered attempts at sex fail, and tells me that I'm unreasonable. I'm grateful that I've learned to recognize his attempts at controlling me that are toxic.
I've come to understand that I don't need to punish myself from now til eternity for a decision I made as a budding alcoholic to marry and have a family with another alcoholic. I deserve a partnership that's not only free of booze, but is based in recovery. It's music to my ears; I cannot even begin to tell you how beautiful that possibility sounds to me.
So.... I'm getting my finances in order. We are selling the house that we can't afford to fix. I am stripping the house of clutter I don't want to move to another home. I'm hoping to have the house on the market by summer.
Being brave and and doing the next right thing feels amazing.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Alabama
Posts: 493
Wow! That is amazing! You are doing so well and sound so healthy! And you absolutely do deserve the partnership you described!!! And I know with your healthy new attitude and life you will attract a healthy partner! Keep up the great work and please keep posting! Such wonderful inspiration to us all! I just wish your AH would look to you as an example and maybe take your attitude to heart for his life also. But that is his choice. Thank you for posting! Many hugs on your success!
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