thomas11

There is an old saying that is "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink". I am starting to learn what that means on a very serious level here at SR. People try and try to quit drugs and alcohol with the best of intentions. But it almost seems like it is not likely to happen until that person is ready. And everyone's "readiness" is different. I've learned some new terms here like a high bottom, which is rock bottom at a different level, correct? Anyway, reading another post, I kind of related to what people were saying, and that was that they were there to help 24/7 but if you aren't ready, we are wasting our time. "wasting our time" is probably not the right phrase, but I get it. It makes sense to me. I guess it depends on the the individuals involved.

This post is merely an observation, I have another post in which I will need input. Thank you.

JT0626

I agree with your assessment. I can even apply it to myself. When I was drinking heavily, I would at times cut down to drinking 3 times a week in a feeble attempt to convince myself that I didn't have a problem. After drinking only 3 times in a week, I would then convince myself that I didn't have a problem & drink for an entire week straight. Rinse & repeat.

It wasn't until I truly accepted that I indeed did have a problem and that I was becoming dangerously close to rock bottom. Once I accepted those 2 facts, quitting became a mission. I am still on that mission, it will always be something I have to be cognizant of. I can never forget the bad relationship I had with alcohol.

IOAA2

Hi.

In my experience a person who WANTS to be sober is on a positive path into soberity.

Stopping drinking is the first step as next includes work and change and that takes time.

I managed doing it with a load of meetings even when I didn’t want to.

BE WELL

EndGameNYC

I'm not at all being snarky when I tell you that if I'd waited until I was "ready" to stop, I'd probably still be drinking. Based on your conclusions, I wasn't ready to get sober until a few months after I put down the drink. I'm not unique in this, and I imagine that there are many people who weren't ready to get sober until some time after they stopped drinking.

As far as high and low bottoms go, such things only make sense in retrospect, and it's often a dangerous game to conclude that one quit at a "high bottom," if only because such a conclusion leads to thinking that tells us that we "weren't so bad" when we quit.

thomas11

I'm just thinking out loud here.

I am in a primarily seasonal business around Minneapolis, MN. We have had a light winter, little work and little income. I have 2 employees who want to negotiate with me (on Sunday) on something. I'm guessing pay, I'm not an idiot. In addition to that, we are having an early spring and in my line of work it goes from days upon days of nothing, to 15 calls a day for work. So I sit on my rear end for months on end (this year) and drink on the weekends etc...which is well documented. And starting Sunday with my employees and the following week with new work, the party is over.

It is a good thing, boredom leads me to drink on weekends, stress keeps me away from drinking. I know that stress leads people to drink, I am 100% opposite, if I drink under stress, I lose customers and income. I absolutely cannot afford to drink under stress. Yes, I want to drink, but can't. It would bury me. But I'm already under significant stress because my foreman who has been with me 4 years "wants to talk". I know what he wants. He wants money. This conversation is not going to happen until Sunday and I'm already worried about it. That being said, I've already taken precautions to alleviate it, I've posted for job openings for my company. I can't let an experienced employee run my company, I have to run my company. that being said, it has kept me up a couple nights. Anyway, just talking out loud.

I used to drink these problems away, I've learned that drinking them away makes it worse. But, I hit the rev limiter when things like this happens. If anyone has some advice, I'm all ears.

TroyW

Yep, totally true. Folks on SR are beyond amazing, but it starts with you. If you don't want to help yourself, there's nothing anyone here can do.

EDIT: You're in landscaping, by chance? Did that for two years when I was 18/19. Loved it. Tough work for little pay, but loved it.

thomas11

I've posted about that on a different thread. I understand it completely. And I agree.

Anna

Well, I don't think we are ever 'wasting our time' here, definitely not. But, I absolutely agree that a person has to be ready to receive help. If they are not yet ready, I believe that our words and good wishes still have an impact on some level.

I think it's good that you are attempting to alleviate the stress you feel by advertising for new employees.

thomas11

Sorry if used a phrase that was a little edgy. I get it. Support is unconditional for recovery no?

GracieLou

This is what made the difference for me. In 2003 I wanted to stop drinking and I did but that is all I did. It only lasted five months and I was back at it for another ten years.

I think many want to stop but do not understand the difference between being sober and the act of not drinking, I know I didn't.

More had to change then just setting down the bottle but that does have to happen first. You cannot get sober while you are still drinking.

You have to stop long enough to understand the help you are being given and that is with any program you may try. I think some don't want to stay sober, some just don't stay sober long enough, some stay sober but don't change anything, some change a little but never complete it.

There are so many factors that will make or break a person's program. Sometimes it takes years for them to figure out what that is. It can be as simple as surrender or acceptance. In others it is detailed therapy.

I hope we all make it but your words are true. No matter what the issue or the problem, if they don't want help, they are not going to remain sober.

mecanix

With bhuddist thinking i've heard it said that for something to manifest , certain conditions and circumstances have to be in place .
I'm never quite sure what will manifest sobriety for someone else , thats why i try to describe what happened to me and the way i try to live so as drinking remains off the table .
I try to describe how a sober life can be more glorious and you can pack more into those sober hours when you'd otherwise be incoherent or sick for days with a hangover .

I certainly think things like SR , AA , AVRT and other ways can help manifest sobriety, along with attitude , steadfastness and maybe some desperation … I think the mix and factors are similar and different for all of us .

Bestwishes, m

firstymer

I think you are right, thomas11. If you aren't ready to quit, you aren't gonna quit.

However, what I found is that, being here at SR and reading the advice and experiences of others, helped to GET me to the point where I was ready to quit. And then, once I was ready to quit, SR helped me use the tools that I needed to follow through on my efforts to quit. And, so far, so good.

That is what I wish for others.

MIRecovery

My first sponsor who has 37 years of sobriety and has sponsored countless individuals made a comment to me that has stuck with me. He said, "I simply don't know who is going to make it and who isn't so I have given up trying to figure it out"

Aiko

Love your saying...
"you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink".
and will remember it when they try to drag me to drink..........

RobbyRobot

Yes, count me amongst same. I didn't quit to get sober. I quit to not die drunk with chronic alcoholism. Sobriety was just a word. I couldn't have cared any less about sobriety when I quit. Like EndGame is saying, it wasn't until later I cared about sobriety. About month and a bit. I was detoxed in rehab. Stayed three months. Did AA and intense therapy. I eventually learned to care.

I'm a believer people can have opportunities to quit without waiting for sobriety as a carrot to encourage and fortify themselves. I believe in sobriety now, but absolutely not when I quit.

silentrun

I come here to help myself. Also I like to see how my friends are doing but even that's for me I guess. If I lend support to someone I hope I am helping that person but I am still the primary beneficiary. I hope no one feels like they are wasting people's time. I found this place when I already had a month clean in. So yeah, I was beyond ready. I do know that there were a few times when I had clear thoughts that I should quit. Had I had the foresight to try and get help before I may have struggled at first but I also could have saved myself a lot of pain. I have seen people come on here and get off to really shaky starts and finally get it. It's got to be better than the alternative and isolating yourself so it can get its hooks deeper in.

Hevyn

I agree with Anna - the help we offer probably has an impact on some level. That was definitely true for me. When I came here I didn't post much at all. I was skeptical that SR could help. Everything I read I stored away for future use, though. When I was ready to get serious I participated.

Aellyce

I'm like Hevyn in this. Look at my join date... I did not start posting until months later (very sporadically and I wasn't sober). I got sober in early January 2014 for the first time in my life. Looking back though, I often wondered why I did not do it earlier. I could have, the same way, years earlier. I think there is a great variety in how and when people get sober in their own process. But don't fool yourself that there is anything in us that has to be "ready". Looking back, I wasn't more ready when I finally did it, compared with a couple years earlier. I had known perfectly well that I was an alcoholic for many years before I quit.

marcusflowers

I tried for years stop. I slowed down,went on a binge slowed down again over and over. I really wanted to stop but always failed. I was really getting tired and started getting really irritable with myself and everyone around. One Thursday night after drinking I came home and after searching the internet for an hour or so I typed in the magic words and here I am. Sober ever since. I am grateful to have found SR. I learn something new here everyday. Thank you everyone.

thomas11

Great post haennie, interesting you joined in 2010 and plugged away for 4 years before finally getting it right. that's pretty awesome.