Alcoholic boyfriend
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Join Date: Apr 2015
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Alcoholic boyfriend
Hello everyone,
I am writing this because I have gotten to a point in my relationship where I just don't know what else to do. I don't want to give up but I don't know if I have another choice. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year or so he has he's own place but lives With me. When we first started dating I didn't really notice it because it was around he's birthday his school year ending (he's a teacher) and a trip to Vegas. After several fights and talks he agreed that stop drinking completely. He goes a few weeks months without it then says he can handle just a few and a few days later were in the the same bad situation. He's parents and friends have tired helping him. I have tried all i can think off and it doesn't seem to work. He talked to his doctor the last time we were about to end our relationship because of it. He told me his doctor recommended some pills because AA would t work for him. I don't know how much of that is true. This summer I am moving away we are suppose to have a long distance relationship for a year until he can move up to. I don't know if I should even attempt it. Things seem to stay the same and I do t want to be his baby sitter im 8 years younger then him for gosh sakes. I do t know if I should just end things now. I love him so much but I don't know what to do.
I am writing this because I have gotten to a point in my relationship where I just don't know what else to do. I don't want to give up but I don't know if I have another choice. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year or so he has he's own place but lives With me. When we first started dating I didn't really notice it because it was around he's birthday his school year ending (he's a teacher) and a trip to Vegas. After several fights and talks he agreed that stop drinking completely. He goes a few weeks months without it then says he can handle just a few and a few days later were in the the same bad situation. He's parents and friends have tired helping him. I have tried all i can think off and it doesn't seem to work. He talked to his doctor the last time we were about to end our relationship because of it. He told me his doctor recommended some pills because AA would t work for him. I don't know how much of that is true. This summer I am moving away we are suppose to have a long distance relationship for a year until he can move up to. I don't know if I should even attempt it. Things seem to stay the same and I do t want to be his baby sitter im 8 years younger then him for gosh sakes. I do t know if I should just end things now. I love him so much but I don't know what to do.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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Welcome Dhuizar have you checked our friends & family section Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Welcome try this Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
youl find a lot of support
youl find a lot of support
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
I dont think "giving up" is the right word choice. I think it's more like doing What is best for you. I cannot tell you what to do but I know in your heart you know what is best for you. You don't owe anything to anybody and he will never quit until HE is ready. I am sorry that you are in this predicament. Babysitting a grown up is really sucky...
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Originally Posted by Dhuizar277 
This summer I am moving away we are suppose to have a long distance relationship for a year until he can move up to.
A year is long enough to get a pretty good idea of the kind of person you are involved. Even if he doesn't think he has an issue with alcohol, you do. If you are going to continue in this relationship, do so without the expectation that he'll quit drinking. Because maybe he won't. And your problems with continue.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Hi there, my friend.
I'm glad you're here, but sorry you had a reason to come looking for help.
It doesn't sound like your boyfriend is ready to give up drinking. Until that happens, all of the arguing, cajoling, begging, yelling, crying, pleading in the world isn't going to do anything but make you frustrated and miserable. We are not the Cause of other's drinking, we can't Control it, and we can't Cure it. But we can make ourselves sick by hanging on and trying to manage an inherently unmanageable situation.
It's tempting to believe you are 'giving up' on someone who doesn't seem to want to help themselves, but you can also look at it as 'letting go.' Sadly, we don't always get to live with the ones we love, and when two people want different things out of a relationship, it doesn't serve either of you to try to stay and change each other. Healthy relationships are based on acceptance of the other person for who they are, not who we wish them to be.
I hope your boyfriend chooses to genuinely seek recovery from his drinking problem some day, but nothing you have written here leads me to believe he is doing anything but paying lip service to your concerns.
Please join us over in the Friends & Family of Alcoholics forum if you like. A couple of folks have linked to it above.
I'm glad you're here, but sorry you had a reason to come looking for help.
It doesn't sound like your boyfriend is ready to give up drinking. Until that happens, all of the arguing, cajoling, begging, yelling, crying, pleading in the world isn't going to do anything but make you frustrated and miserable. We are not the Cause of other's drinking, we can't Control it, and we can't Cure it. But we can make ourselves sick by hanging on and trying to manage an inherently unmanageable situation.
It's tempting to believe you are 'giving up' on someone who doesn't seem to want to help themselves, but you can also look at it as 'letting go.' Sadly, we don't always get to live with the ones we love, and when two people want different things out of a relationship, it doesn't serve either of you to try to stay and change each other. Healthy relationships are based on acceptance of the other person for who they are, not who we wish them to be.
I hope your boyfriend chooses to genuinely seek recovery from his drinking problem some day, but nothing you have written here leads me to believe he is doing anything but paying lip service to your concerns.
Please join us over in the Friends & Family of Alcoholics forum if you like. A couple of folks have linked to it above.
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