Itsmytime1234

Here I am. Wondering how the heck I'm even alive. I drove home wasted last night. Don't remember a single moment. Oh but I do remember calling my ex to have sex with me. She broke up with me because of my drinking. We were together 7 years. I'm in a new relationship now with a great girl. She knows I've struggled with drinking in the past. But dosent think I have as big of an issue as I do. Called my ex to apologize this morning. She's pretty upset that I put her in that position. She should be. I think I hate myself for being such a liar. I don't even want to get better because I don't want to let myself down again.

IOAA2

Hi.
Unless you stop drinking it’s guaranteed you WILL let yourself down again.
Alcoholism can’t be wished away with a wishy washy do nothing actions. I needed to face the facts and stop drinking if I wanted to or not.

Alcohol has proved to be powerful, cunning, baffling, insidious and a taker including our lives.

BE WELL

mecanix

Hey IMT ,
drink driving is pretty dangerous for you and for others.

Is there something more you can do, help you can get, to help yourself stay sober ?

Take care , m

Itsmytime1234

I don't know what to do, I don't have any money to afford therapy or treatment

IOAA2

I know that in your area there are many AA meetings and they can be cost free if you can't afford $1 contribution. The great thing is that it's helped millions world wide.

BE WELL

Anna

You are always welcome to read and post here. Read some of the Stickies in this forum and in the Alcoholism forum. Scroll down to The Best of SoberRecovery and read the threads there. You will be inspired and you will know that you can do this.

Don't allow the shame that you feel right now to prevent you from beginning to recover.

doggonecarl

I second this. Avail yourself to SR, if nothing else, on a daily basis. Coming here every couple of months, posting of your despair and struggles to stay sober isn't enough. Commit to sobriety. Join the April Class, start taking the same active part in your recovery as you do in your drinking.

Chewy88

Driving drunk is not cool

If you hit and kill a kid, or anybody, your life, and the victims are over.

There are lots of free or cheap ways to get help if you really want to. Seems you can afford, booze, car, etc etc but not to get help.

ScottFromWI

I would suggest that you stop drinking - and there are many ways to go about that even if you can't afford therapy or treatment. A few things to consider

1. Meeting Based recovery:AA meetings are free, so are NA meetings. There are many of them in your local area. Smart Recovery also has meetings in your area.

2. Low Cost/Sliding fee Detox/Rehab: A quick google search of your local area brings up dozens of rehab centers. Many offer free or sliding fee services to those who cannot afford it. The salvation army is another resource you could pursue for these services.

3. Online recovery resources: As many have mentioned, SR is a great place to not only get support directly, but learn about all of the other types of recovery methods.

Bottom line though, you've got to make the choice to do this. It's certainly possible if you want it enough. What happened last night is merely a symptom of your drinking...you need to stop drinking before any of that can get rectified.

Itsmytime1234

Ouch, I don't think drunk driving is cool. I actually think I'm a ******* loser who is desperate to get help before anything like that happens

Itsmytime1234

I just don't know what to do. I don't have much support, I'm lost and scared

ScottFromWI

Did you read my reply 2 messages up?

Itsmytime1234

I just signed up for a 12 week program. Keeping my fingers crossed

ScottFromWI

Sounds like a good decision - is it an outpatient program of some kind?

Itsmytime1234

Yea it's outpatient, but u have contact with a therapist every single day which is great

kittycat3

I'm sorry to hear this ItsMyTime. I can only offer my support in solidarity. I too made lousy decisions last night, starting with drinking. I will join you in not drinking one day at a time.

Hevyn

Itsmytime - I'm so glad you realize what must be done. I played with it for decades, always trying to use willpower to control myself. I did many out of character things that make me cringe even years later - but I don't dwell on them. Hold your head up and move forward into your new life - one where you don't touch that stuff. It's the only way to stay safe. You can do it.

melki

That's just baloney. Of course you want to and deserve to get better. Do it!