ClearMind

Hi everyone,

So on this past weekend, I ended up drinking. My fiance, and mother of my two children, told me she has had enough of my drinking and if I don't stop, she will take the kids and leave. I believe her. She isn't a drinker, in fact, she never drinks.

I have tried so many times to quit in the past, but this is the first time she's really put her foot down and laid everything out on the table. This was 4 days ago and it's been fine since. She said she will support me in whatever way I need support, so I told her I'd like to start going to yoga to kind of clear the clutter in my head and also to give me something to "look forward to" on the weekends aside from just drinking a case of beer. She said she's fine with that.

So here I am, on Day 4 yet again, but it seems different this time. It really does. I am unable to go to any in-person meetings, but I plan on trying some online Video Meetings to try and meet some like minded people... people who are at the same stage in recovery as I am.

Luckily, if I do manage to quit drinking this time, I will have escaped without losing much of anything. I have a loving supportive partner, two beautiful children, a house, car, etc. Drinking hasn't yet devastated my life, but I am certain that it will if I continue along this path. I think her coming forward and laying the cards on the table really snapped me into reality. I am feeling hopeful this time.. very motivated.

Have a great day everyone.

rednails

Congratulations on Day 4! You have something to fight for, if it feels different, maybe that means you're ready to change for real now?

Just a thought. Keep up the good work =)

ClearMind

Yeah.. it does feel like it's for real now. That I have consequences if I keep on going. Thanks!

TroyW

Kudos to you for day 4! I've been told day 3 is the hardest, so you're over the hump!

Show your kids what an amazing father you can be. :-)

TheCrimsonKing

I've just (and I mean literally just...) lost a good girl due to my stupidity with drinking....

And why should I care? We were only a couple of months in...
But I do care because she had all the qualities that I "demand" (look for)

she's the first girl in probably six years that is a "giver". I was begining to think the concept of a giver was lost on this generation....this period...

but it's not..

Hold on to love. this drink is a curse.

Nonsensical

Congrats on 4 days and your plan going forward!

hopeful4

Good for you. As an Xwife of an alcoholic of many years, I can advise you that she will need a lot of reassurance from you. Keep her in the loop, and communication open.

You can do this!! Good for you and for your family!

ClearMind

Thanks everyone. I've been with her for 9 years so it's been quite a roller coaster, ups and downs. This is the first time she's flat out come out at me like this, though. I'm honestly glad it happened. Like I said, I think I will operate better into my recovery if I know there are firm consequences if I choose to drink again. It's the end of the line for me, so I know what I have to do - stay sober. Thanks for your responses everyone.

Soberwolf

Congrats on day 4

BBQBOY

Clearmind, It's great you want to get and stay sober for your family. But just a reminder....you should want to do this for YOURSELF first. It is great to be motivated by others, but for long term sobriety YOU need to want it! Best wishes....sounds like you're on the right path.

ClearMind

Thanks for your response. I do want this myself.. and in fact I have wanted this for the past several years.. I just.. lacked that extra motivation.. but now it seems like I have it.

Thanks for your reply!

~Lia~

You sound like you are in a great place. Yoga is a really good idea, something new to challenge yourself. Each minute, hour and day is an accomplishment.

Stay focused!! The best is yet to come

ScottFromWI

Glad you are finding ways to work this out ClearMind. As others have mentioned...having a solid plan in place moving forward is key. Using online forums and yoga can certainly be part of that plan.

I can tell you from personal experience that ultimatums in themselves aren't a permanent solution. As hard as it may seem today, 4 days after the ultimatum, there will be a time when you are tempted to drink again - addiction guarnatees it. It will try to tell you that "whew...you escaped that but it's been a while, a drink or two woudln't hurt". It happens to us all....you just need to be prepared for it. And it does sound like you are forming a plan that will help you be prepared.

IrishRaine

Congrats on Day 4!!!

I am on Day 1, that is if I can get through today without having my wine. I will also need to find something to do besides sit and watch TV and drink my wine. Good luck! You can do this and it will so worth it!

Anna

Scott is absolutely right ClearMind. I hope that you have a plan in place for how to accomplish sobriety and recovery. You are motivated now by your fiancée's strong feelings, and that's great. But, you will also need to be able to do this for yourself.

Dee74

I agree with Scott and Anna ClearMind.

This time may feel different but chances are it won't be different unless you do something different?

I'm not saying you need to go to meetings - but I am saying you need to do all you can, even it puts you out for a little while.

Make a plan, man

D

ClearMind

Thanks for your responses everyone. My plan is to do online meetings (there is a cool website called In The Rooms that offers online meetings often, every day). To work out a lot, run, do yoga, stuff like that. I like reading self-improvement books too, including ones on sobriety, and I've found that they've helped me in the past. Plus coming on SR every day. I think this is a pretty good plan and I have motivation to stick with it. I really want to be sober.