Butterfly

As you all know ive felt anger before but it has never lasted and it's been fleeting. Well I think im definiately going through it full pelt!!! When I think of him I feel anger, when the kids mention him I feel anger. DS and I have been talking about how he would pay for a car when he passes his test and his dad has found one for him, he mentioned that dad might be able to help him with the cost but he's skint but he will try to work something out. I thought well if he didn't drink so much maybe he wouldn't be skint, I didn't say this to DS although I wanted to.

I mean seriously trying to play the pity card with his son oh woe is me well I think not!!!!!

Part of me worries just what exactly he tells DS and is he filling his head with all the nonsense about the divorce and the thought of this makes me angry. When DS is quiet or moody as I know teenagers are, I worry that his dad has said something that has made him annoyed with me, I know codie behaviour.

It's DD 21st birthday today and I'm doing what we always do lots of balloons and banners and I've bought her a present that she will love but it's also something she will be able to keep, HIM, she thinks he's giving her money, a lot of thought went into that eh. But even today and that he would rather drink than be at home with his family and he's missing out on her special day is making me angry. I haven't asked him to be involved, or invited him for dinner and I don't feel guilty about that for once. It's up to him to make the effort with his daughter, not me.

I just feel angry all the time and the mention of his name makes me worse. Sorry for the rant

maybear

Hi Butterfly, I'm with you on the anger thing.
My daughter's first birthday is coming up and it's so upsetting that her Dad won't be there. That she needs to suffer, even though she is only 1. Can't imagine what it would be like at 21.

I think grief is fluid so don't be surprised if you bounce between anger and other emotions.
I try and feel it but not get stuck on it though, otherwise, I just end up miserable. Meanwhile, he's enjoying another drink!

Hugs.

Butterfly

I do feel other emotions still feel sadness and hurt and all the other emotions that come along with those, but the previously I would have had short bursts of anger then gone for a long time. This time I think it's here to stay at least for the time being.

I'm sorry that your daughter has to spend her 1st birthday without her dad and I understand that these days bring so much sadness for us aswell. I just keep thinking it's his loss. (((Hugs)))

Hawkeye13

I'm glad you're angry.
I'd like to hand that slacker lyin' piece of drunken jerk a good-sized can of ass-whup myself.
Hope your daughter has a wonderful birthday--
Seems like you're climbing up that first mountain Butterfly.
View should improve soon . . .

Butterfly

Oh hawkeye your so funny. Thank you for making me laugh.

Duckygirl1

Hawkeye, you are the best!

Butterfly- anger is good, it means you see the situation and person for who they are not who you want them to be. You'll bounce around emotions for a long time before its all said and done. Don't be hard on yourself.

Butterfly

Thanks Ducky, it's really liberating though but I am so easily triggered. Last night my friend told me that he is hanging about with 2 couples and I thought so he can be with other people's families but not his own!! Then I remembered that both the makes of these couples are heavy drinkers particularly one and his wife doesn't say anything.

Yes I know my friend shouldn't be telling me things and I told her again, for the hundredth time that I don't want to know what he is doing or what her ex is up to, as stbxah is her ex's friend.

FireSprite

GOOD! I'm so happy to see you move away from the other emotions that I'm HAPPY you are ANGRY. That's hilarious.

Anger has it's place Butterfly, good for you for not trying to tamp it down - let it OUT! Use it's power to propel you to take care of other things that you've been putting off. Exhaust it by locking yourself in a closet & screaming yourself silly (so cathartic! ), manifest it physically by breaking glass or heaving rocks into a lake.

To me, anger always means Action in one way or another & it can really help you purge from the inside out.

lizatola

Yes, this! Anger is OK as long as it doesn't consume us. I truly believe the anger phase will pass as long as we're aware of it and as long as we continue to press forward in our own recoveries. Hugs to you, Butterfly. Go ahead and let it out, girl!

Butterfly

I'm letting it out, dealing with it accepting it and managing it. I'm actually glad I reached this point, thought I would never feel the anger.

I had hoped that this stage would take away moments of sadness but I was hit with one tonight during DD birthday dinner. And it came on so suddenly. I really wanted him home to be a part of the celebrations but he chose differently.

DD was going round to see her grandparents and he will be their and I was cutting cake for them when DD said to cut a slice for him aswell. I thought why should he have any cake and why should I give him any., if he wanted birthday cake he shouldn't be away drinking. I didn't say this and I recognised it as a moment of anger/stubbornness.

Feeling very sad now and missing him, but I think as I am exhausted this isn't helping either. I've been cooking and baking all day. Think a wee sweat in front of mindless TV and a cup of tea is required.

I guess this is why they say it's a rollercoaster of emotions.