maybear

Well, I got a call from the police this afternoon after three weeks of not speaking with my husband. My MIL filed a missing persons report because he just took off a few days ago from his Dad's house where he was staying.
Anyway, long story short, the police asked me to call him as no one had been able to reach him. I really didn't want to do this but I was pushed into it. Anyway, I contacted him and his friend. Turns out he is now staying with his friend. So he's not missing. Just doing the same old.
My husband said that he was sorry and that he loved me and our daughter and he would be in contact with me when he was better.
I said that's fine, take care, but in the meantime I am moving on with my life and by that I also mean moving physically - interstate.
I am obviously not waiting around for him to get this act together but the thing that irks me the most about this is that it seems like he is having a great old time doing what he wants and deciding when he will come and go. It's hurtful he thinks he can just waltz back in when he's ready. He must take me for a fool.
Anyway, for anyone following my boring story, that's the latest!

Katchie

Yay this!!!

I'm sorry that the police had you do that. But, at least your MIL will now know where to contact him.

Hugs...this crap is so freaking hard.

maybear

You are right Katchie, this crap is hard!

Hugs to you too.

searching peace

You are so right! It seems our A's exchange responsibility and commitment for a drink and having fun doing what they want. And the entire time blame us for them doing exactly what they want to do! What is that?!!! We are the ones left behind to clean up the mess they made. And yet we don't complain to them. We do the work. Yes we come in here and vent and complain and commiserate. But to them we don't dare say a word. I hate this! I hate you are going through it, I hate anyone has to go through this! I swear these A's should come with a warning label.

maybear

Searching peace... So true unfortunately.

My husband can not handle responsibility at all. At every pivotal moment in our relationship where he has had to be responsible, it has always been a battle. A battle met with alcohol. And a head buried in sand.

At least now I know where his head is at, and hopefully I have made my intentions clear too.

knowthetriggers

maybear - you sound very determined to have a better life. Good for you and your child!

FeelingGreat

Well he's taking his own sweet time trying to get better. I wouldn't put much faith in him contacting you any time soon.

Anyway, I'm glad you spoke even if it was to close the door.

Duckygirl1

So he just drops off the radar until people go nuts and call the cops and takes that in stride? Good for you moving right out of that madness. Why couldn't his mom or police dial that number? Not surprised by the whole he'll be in touch when HE'S ready attitude. It's alllllllllll about them. Screw any inconvenience, mental or emotional anguish, not to mention financial distress they cause.

amberly

This seems like a common issue- my AH freaks when he can't get ahold of me, but doesn't think twice about being MIA himself. The last time he didn't come home all night and couldn't call (because he left me his broken cell phone) he claimed that he had lost my car at a sporting event. Um- just lost it. He called the police to report it stolen but they wouldn't help him look for it because he was too plastered. He slept in at a hotel until noon the next day, found the car in the parking lot, and came home without so much as an apology. The next time he got "lost" it was on his way to out of state treatment. Apparently the airport where he had a lay over was very confusing because he didn't get to his destination until 8 hours after his planned arrival. Again no apology.

I am sorry you are going through this.

maybear

Yeah I'm pretty appalled at the selfishness.
But it's made my decision easier.
His mum and the cops did try and call him but he didn't pick up. They thought he might pick up for me. But no, instead I get a lovely text message straight after (which means he is sitting by his phone watching everyone calling). Guess a text message is as much effort as he could muster.
What a douche.

lillamy

Must be nice, you know, to just be able to take off and say "I'll return to being a responsible adult once I feel like I'm ready for it... or, that is, my friends get tired of me mooching off them..."

I know it's not that easy. I know being an addict is a special kind of hell. But still. You keep on moving. I'm sorry you had to call him, but I'm glad it makes it easier to move on.

johnno1

This is not just a boring story this is your life and most likely the hardest saddest time in your life. I totally feel for you but least it has made your decision easier for you , it's pretty darn obvious you are doing the right thing!
Also he doesn't have the right to just waltz on back in when he wants, no way you have rights and choices with that.
Hope your baby's birthday went well :-)

FeelingGreat

He's almost certainly deeply ashamed of his behaviour and doesn't have the courage to talk to you. He loves you, but can't put that ahead of the overwhelming need to drink.
I'm not defending him, he's obviously a very fearful person, but he's going to have to live with that for the rest of his life, and it won't be pleasant.

maybear

I know you are right Feeling Great...

I can't forgive him for this. And because of that I am so deeply sad at the loss of our lives together.