Why am I here....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 226
Why am I here....
I am asking myself why I am posting on here tonight.
Well it all started this morning when I realized I had made an ass of myself on here last night by being drunk and thinking I had it all figured out.
So then I was ashamed and thought jeez V. You should just close your account. These cats will never take you seriously again. Besides I'm going to go home tonight and take it easy. I'll get through the hangover today and do better tomorrow.
Then I completed my work routine today. Felt great about some meetings. Rejuvenated. I spoke to my best friend who I got a job there about the drunk texts I'd sent him. He didn't know they were drunk texts cause I wouldn't have text him things that were a result of alcohol.
Then because I knew I was low on alcohol. Can't go home empty. Well I can't keep the same routine as yesterday so I'll go out in the garage and clean things up for spring. I'm just gonna have a few.
Then the alcohol kicks in and I start thinking about my past and getting sad so I start reaching for my phone. I observe how much I've got done. I send some innocent texts. But I need more. Now nobody wants to talk to me cause I've burnt my bridges. Well **** now I'm drunk again now what do I do. I just can't go to bed I have to fix this. Oh **** I remembered alcohol but I forgot the grocery store. Oh wow its to late to order delivery. I really wish I just had someone to talk to. I'll get on SR. Then I read and read. Start replies over and over then realize I'm not helping anyone by posting that.
But wait these cats understand. Some have been where I'm at. I'll just explain to them exactly how I ended up here.
So that's why I'm here.
Well it all started this morning when I realized I had made an ass of myself on here last night by being drunk and thinking I had it all figured out.
So then I was ashamed and thought jeez V. You should just close your account. These cats will never take you seriously again. Besides I'm going to go home tonight and take it easy. I'll get through the hangover today and do better tomorrow.
Then I completed my work routine today. Felt great about some meetings. Rejuvenated. I spoke to my best friend who I got a job there about the drunk texts I'd sent him. He didn't know they were drunk texts cause I wouldn't have text him things that were a result of alcohol.
Then because I knew I was low on alcohol. Can't go home empty. Well I can't keep the same routine as yesterday so I'll go out in the garage and clean things up for spring. I'm just gonna have a few.
Then the alcohol kicks in and I start thinking about my past and getting sad so I start reaching for my phone. I observe how much I've got done. I send some innocent texts. But I need more. Now nobody wants to talk to me cause I've burnt my bridges. Well **** now I'm drunk again now what do I do. I just can't go to bed I have to fix this. Oh **** I remembered alcohol but I forgot the grocery store. Oh wow its to late to order delivery. I really wish I just had someone to talk to. I'll get on SR. Then I read and read. Start replies over and over then realize I'm not helping anyone by posting that.
But wait these cats understand. Some have been where I'm at. I'll just explain to them exactly how I ended up here.
So that's why I'm here.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
I'm glad you're here Vendetta. I hope that you are feeling better. We do understand. Burned bridges? Maybe not so bad as you think but if you are still drinking, what are you going to do to stop and stay stopped?
I got to the point where I kept saying I needed to quit. I wanted to quit. Maybe not today. Maybe tomorrow. But in my miserable state I kept telling people I needed to do it without any action behind it. So I was basically a broken record. I'm facing a similar issue in my life, not involving alcohol, and I vent a lot about it but people don't take me seriously anymore. That's just Ruby, she's venting but not doing anything. When I get serious about it and back it with a solid action plan, things will change.
When you are ready, it will come. But don't wait too long. Always the issue with alcoholics. Major procrastinators when it comes to facing hard things.
Hang in there. What are your plans for tomorrow?
I got to the point where I kept saying I needed to quit. I wanted to quit. Maybe not today. Maybe tomorrow. But in my miserable state I kept telling people I needed to do it without any action behind it. So I was basically a broken record. I'm facing a similar issue in my life, not involving alcohol, and I vent a lot about it but people don't take me seriously anymore. That's just Ruby, she's venting but not doing anything. When I get serious about it and back it with a solid action plan, things will change.
When you are ready, it will come. But don't wait too long. Always the issue with alcoholics. Major procrastinators when it comes to facing hard things.
Hang in there. What are your plans for tomorrow?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 226
I would like to wake up have time to come back her and read my thread again. Then read anyone's post. React with a post. Go to work. Post back when I get off. And more posts throughout the evening.
Most likely though I will wake up feeling like **** in a late frenzy. Over compensate for being late to the point I forget about why I was here then hit "repeat" upon returning home.
Most likely though I will wake up feeling like **** in a late frenzy. Over compensate for being late to the point I forget about why I was here then hit "repeat" upon returning home.
Court jester
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: South Florida
Posts: 508
Originally Posted by vendetta 
Most likely though I will wake up feeling like **** in a late frenzy. Over compensate for being late to the point I forget about why I was here then hit "repeat" upon returning home.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reno, Nv
Posts: 873
Haha brother, I lied to to this community, my post we're followed by many I lied and lied an lied, and then one day I told the truth. After my disclosure, the raft came down on me, I was getting 20 to 30 replies and most were mad at me. I felt so damn low, I posted on here high on acid and drunker than you can ever imagine. I was spun out of my mind, I never thought that I could be sober, at that time I didn't see any hope I just wanted to die.
You know, addicts lie, addicts deceive, addicts post crazy, addicts do whatever an addicts agenda serves them. Don't worry about that, really screw it, go back to some of my post. I've taken the brunt of the insults and weight of this community. Forget that, how the hell are you going to be sober?
Where are you right now? What is going on, are you sober, can you stay sober, if you can't what problems are you having? It isn't about this community, its about you. I got drunk for years, lied my ass off, got committed, I am schizophrenic, I drank and drank.
After all I knew what I should do I drank, I drank every damn day, I didn't want to stop screw it right, I lost everything. CPS took my daughter, my wife and I were drinking daily we didn't deserve anything. And we capitalized on that. A drunken binge to end all binges, it was time to drink to the end, dying would've of been a blessing.
Now I am over 30 days sober, I've taken the brunt of what this community has to offer, but am also on the receiving of the most gracious forgiveness and love a guy could ever receive. Don't sweat it man, its about your sobriety, not what others think, or what you said on some site, or what others think. Really its about you, what you do, and what you're going to do.
Trust me, I've taken it all, I seen it all, I've posted crazy, drunk, high, a combination, you know what matters right now, sobriety mine and yours don't apologize for being you, improve you my friend. Really it isn't about what you did, its about what you can do to stay sober.
You know, addicts lie, addicts deceive, addicts post crazy, addicts do whatever an addicts agenda serves them. Don't worry about that, really screw it, go back to some of my post. I've taken the brunt of the insults and weight of this community. Forget that, how the hell are you going to be sober?
Where are you right now? What is going on, are you sober, can you stay sober, if you can't what problems are you having? It isn't about this community, its about you. I got drunk for years, lied my ass off, got committed, I am schizophrenic, I drank and drank.
After all I knew what I should do I drank, I drank every damn day, I didn't want to stop screw it right, I lost everything. CPS took my daughter, my wife and I were drinking daily we didn't deserve anything. And we capitalized on that. A drunken binge to end all binges, it was time to drink to the end, dying would've of been a blessing.
Now I am over 30 days sober, I've taken the brunt of what this community has to offer, but am also on the receiving of the most gracious forgiveness and love a guy could ever receive. Don't sweat it man, its about your sobriety, not what others think, or what you said on some site, or what others think. Really its about you, what you do, and what you're going to do.
Trust me, I've taken it all, I seen it all, I've posted crazy, drunk, high, a combination, you know what matters right now, sobriety mine and yours don't apologize for being you, improve you my friend. Really it isn't about what you did, its about what you can do to stay sober.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 226
Thatdeliveryguy...what you said really touched home with me. You said you got 20 to 30 replies. That is how my drunk brain has learned to deal. I thought the more replies I got the more I was "recovering".
I get drunk then think I have it all figured out and if I post and don't get many replies then I'm like a he they don't care they don't understand. "They" being this whole forum except for a few that always replied.
Then in a drunk attempt to find my old post I thought similar ones where mine. Then I started seeing threads that sound just like my own. Guess I have alot to learn.
I get drunk then think I have it all figured out and if I post and don't get many replies then I'm like a he they don't care they don't understand. "They" being this whole forum except for a few that always replied.
Then in a drunk attempt to find my old post I thought similar ones where mine. Then I started seeing threads that sound just like my own. Guess I have alot to learn.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
