Is it really this sad?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 24
Is it really this sad?
I finally decided it is time. Actually past time that I quit drinking. Reading here makes it seem like it is so sad, and I do feel sad, like I lost a friend. How long before that goes away?
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Welcome Pasttime ,
Giving up drinking was the best decision i ever made.
You have the chance to build a glorious, sustaining, life enhancing sober life , this just wasn't possible with drink being in the picture for me .
It might take some effort and changes tho' but it's worthwhile pursuing .
Bestwishes, m
Giving up drinking was the best decision i ever made.
You have the chance to build a glorious, sustaining, life enhancing sober life , this just wasn't possible with drink being in the picture for me .
It might take some effort and changes tho' but it's worthwhile pursuing .
Bestwishes, m
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Hi pasttime 
Like I said elsewhere today my relationship with alcohol was one of the longest relationships I had in my life. There is often a initial feeling of loss, and a period of transition that can be unsettling.
But please don't judge your life from here on in by the way you feel right now.
Recovery's not actually sad at all - I have a great life and I'm very happy.
Things will get better...I started to feel a sense of emotional constancy at about 3 months - though of course your mileage may vary
and please remember - you're not alone in this
There's an amazing source of support and understanding here 24 hours a day 7 days a week
I'm glad you've found us
D
Like I said elsewhere today my relationship with alcohol was one of the longest relationships I had in my life. There is often a initial feeling of loss, and a period of transition that can be unsettling.
But please don't judge your life from here on in by the way you feel right now.
Recovery's not actually sad at all - I have a great life and I'm very happy.
Things will get better...I started to feel a sense of emotional constancy at about 3 months - though of course your mileage may vary
and please remember - you're not alone in this
There's an amazing source of support and understanding here 24 hours a day 7 days a week
I'm glad you've found us
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,552
There is a grieving period right after you stop drinking. After all, you just said goodbye to your "best friend". It goes away. The beginning of sobriety is very emotional.
Then there is the good stuff. I don't remember when the doom and gloom lifted for me, a month, maybe two. All of a sudden I woke up excited for life. I feel like a kid again. The freedom you feel from dumping that toxic best friend is indescribable! Keep with it. It's only a feeling, feelings change all the time.
Jennifer
Then there is the good stuff. I don't remember when the doom and gloom lifted for me, a month, maybe two. All of a sudden I woke up excited for life. I feel like a kid again. The freedom you feel from dumping that toxic best friend is indescribable! Keep with it. It's only a feeling, feelings change all the time.
Jennifer
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Focus on the positive posts. Those that see quitting and making life changes as a happy thing, an exciting endeavor...have adopted that mindset. It doesn't mean that everything is roses in life (just not possible), but it does mean that you can choose to frame quitting not as a loss, but as a gain. Honestly, I was so happy that I didn't feel like complete sh*t every single day of my life that quitting was an improvement right out of the gate.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,450
Originally Posted by Anna 
A book that many of us have read expresses the sadness and loss of giving up drinking, "Drinking: A Love Story" by Caroline Knapp. Welcome, and we do understand.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
welcome.
yeah.... there is a sense of loss. there is a grieving. there is a fear; "what will I BE.... " when our whole life and identity has been woven with and around booze.
But that loss, grieving and fear - with time and focus - turn into discovery, renewal and excitement as we open into the amazing possibilities of a life that is truly lived; a life of presence and joy and true experience.
Be patient. Allow yourself to be sad - but don't get stuck there. The loss is actually not as big and heavy as it feels. Sooner than you can right now imagine - it won't feel like a loss at all.
yeah.... there is a sense of loss. there is a grieving. there is a fear; "what will I BE.... " when our whole life and identity has been woven with and around booze.
But that loss, grieving and fear - with time and focus - turn into discovery, renewal and excitement as we open into the amazing possibilities of a life that is truly lived; a life of presence and joy and true experience.
Be patient. Allow yourself to be sad - but don't get stuck there. The loss is actually not as big and heavy as it feels. Sooner than you can right now imagine - it won't feel like a loss at all.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Welcome Pasttime! What FreeOwl and Dee said really resonate with me. There is a mourning period. My life and events and memories were entwined with alcohol consumption. When I stopped drinking I was sad and angry that I couldn't partake. I missed what might have been and feared what might happen but nothing bad happened. The sadness passed. Sometimes I get a twinge but its no more than you might have if you think of a relative or friend or any other relationship that is long gone.
Keep coming back.
Keep coming back.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 237
Welcome! I agree with what Dee said. I have some days that are better than others, but the longer I stick with my sobriety the less frequent my bad/sad days are. I've also found the more active I am in general, whether it's posting on SR, spending time with friends and family, working out, reading, the less I notice I'm feeling sad if at all!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 24
Thank you for the welcome. I guess I already feel sad and then I read the others who posted that they had quit for a long time then started again. Makes me feel like its a lost cause. Does there ever come a time that you don't even think about drinking?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I remember that. Mourning the loss of my best friend (alcohol) who had ended up turning on me. Also, losing the mutual friends we had (my bar-stool buddies). I couldn't envisage WHAT my life would be without them. That was 5th March 2014 for me. Not long ago, but so much has changed. I promise you, there is life beyond the booze, but try to get some good support. The most difficult period for me was my dry-drunk phase. For me it was AA that saved my sanity, but others have found different ways. I'm sure you will read about them on here. People talk a lot about 'Having a sobriety plan' and it really is important.
There are some excellent books that helped me through. Living Sober, and Monkey on my Shoulder being the main ones (I got them to read on my Kindle). You see, stopping drinking is one thing, and learning to Live a happy sober life is another thing altogether. And I didn't realise that at first, which made things harder than they needed to be. I think in retrospect it was PAWS, but I did get pretty depressed and in a bleak place before joining AA and starting the 12-step programme. It might be worth reading up on PAWS PAWS | Digital Dharma
Great to see you've found the Sober Recovery forum anyway. Loads of great advice on here. Good luck.
There are some excellent books that helped me through. Living Sober, and Monkey on my Shoulder being the main ones (I got them to read on my Kindle). You see, stopping drinking is one thing, and learning to Live a happy sober life is another thing altogether. And I didn't realise that at first, which made things harder than they needed to be. I think in retrospect it was PAWS, but I did get pretty depressed and in a bleak place before joining AA and starting the 12-step programme. It might be worth reading up on PAWS PAWS | Digital Dharma
Great to see you've found the Sober Recovery forum anyway. Loads of great advice on here. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 80
I didn't want to get out of bed the first few weeks. I cried and was scared and so mad at myself for letting it get as bad as it did. "If only" statements running on repeat. I wanted it back, I dreamt of the alcohol.
Let yourself mourn and grieve. Allow yourself the time to adjust. You will be emotional and sad and scared and angry. But then you will start to feel relief and hope. And you will look in the mirror and finally start to recognize yourself.
Let yourself mourn and grieve. Allow yourself the time to adjust. You will be emotional and sad and scared and angry. But then you will start to feel relief and hope. And you will look in the mirror and finally start to recognize yourself.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Welcome Pasttime!
As with any major adjustment in life, this one takes time to get used to. I do remember the initial shock of not being able to drink any time I wanted to... but that's why I decided to get sober.
Any time for me meant drinking around the clock, nearly every day of the week.
I am still relatively early into my sobriety at 266 days, but my life is so much better now than before I stopped. Every day still has its ups and downs, but that's life. Now, I enjoy the ups more fully and deal with the downs head on without the cloud of alcohol.
Trust me, you won't regret being sober. It's a tough road for a while but it is worth every ounce of effort you put behind it!!
Like others have said in this post, SR is a great community with a ton of support. I couldn't have done it without this family.
You can do it too!
As with any major adjustment in life, this one takes time to get used to. I do remember the initial shock of not being able to drink any time I wanted to... but that's why I decided to get sober.
Any time for me meant drinking around the clock, nearly every day of the week.
I am still relatively early into my sobriety at 266 days, but my life is so much better now than before I stopped. Every day still has its ups and downs, but that's life. Now, I enjoy the ups more fully and deal with the downs head on without the cloud of alcohol.
Trust me, you won't regret being sober. It's a tough road for a while but it is worth every ounce of effort you put behind it!!
Like others have said in this post, SR is a great community with a ton of support. I couldn't have done it without this family.
You can do it too!
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