Butterfly

Driving DS to the cinema last night and on the way home I realised this year since stbxah left is the longest I've spent on my own in about 25 years!!!!

From the age of 15 ive been in serious relationships basically moving from one to another. Even when ex A and I separated all those years ago for a long time I became involved in relationships. And every single one the men had issues even from 15, drugs, alcohol, controlling, abandonment, attachment you name it they had it and I was drawn to it. I couldn't see it then but looking back WOW.

I seemed to end one relationship and jump right into another and each time the issues became worse. Stbxah had them all, alcohol, drugs, attachment, abuse as a child and violence and aggression. I really hit the jack pot with him.

My life has been one crisis after another, even my job especially before I moved into management was crisis work with teenagers and children, now I manage that but deal with as much crisis which is probably why I don't enjoy my job as much.

I think I am an adrenaline junkie lol.

Anyway I'm learning to live more peacefully and I also realised today that yes I still have crappy days but they are fewer and further between.

Today I am feeling grateful for the kindness of others.

GracieLou

I understand this! I have never lived alone, ever. Relationships, children or my mother.

This is the first time I have lived alone. Just me, my dog and my cats.

I like it! I get lonely at times but I can solve that by a phone call or I can go to a meeting and get out of myself. I have to watch that I don't isolate, that is bad for me..LOL

I am dreaming about rearranging my living room and painting my bathroom the way I want it! It seems like the first time in my life I can do what I want to do without selfishness playing any part in it.

I want my bathroom to be green

FeelingGreat

We've been suggesting to you this would happen, but it's nice that it's coming true. You don't get over these things overnight, but one day you look back and think, 'wow, life is getting better'.

You deserve credit for getting straight back on the horse as soon as you hit the ground.

LexieCat

I was the same way--relationship to relationship--up until the last one ended. I'm enjoying my own space so much I'm wishing I'd done it a LOT sooner.

Hugs, Butterfly, this CAN be a very good thing!

hopeful4

Yay! I think it's very very important to be able to be happy in being alone. Only then can you work on a constructive relationship.

Good for you! XXX

AliWProk

Take up the whole bed! That was my favorite part, after about 5 months of sleeping on 'my side of the bed' I started venturing into the middle, rolling around, even waking up sideways! I have no idea why this was so liberating for me. That, and no one to wake me with his damn snoring, was the best of the new early days on my own.

lillamy

Great insight, Butterfly!!!

Butterfly

Thank you everyone.

Gracielou I don't live alone I live with my 2 kids but that is something I have to face when I get to that point. That said they are 20 and 17 so don't spend much time with their mum lol. I am happy that they have their own lives and so proud of how they have handled everything.

Feelinggreat, I do remember but I didn't believe it that one day I wouldn't feel devastated. When I have crappy days now I have to remind myself that my crappy days are nowhere near the dark days when he first left and for months after. Some parts of days are crappy and others are good. I don't feel guilty anymore when I find myself smiling or laughing or dear forbid feeling happy lol.

I think a turning point for me in my recovery has been that I stood up to him last week about the divorce and I said what I needed. I've never done that told anyone what I needed or not agreed with how he wanted to Handle things, I am stronger than I think.

Hopeful and lexie there are days I hate it when I feel lonely but days I love being able to do what I want when I want, within reason. Being alone is something I need to do for me and although it's scary I'm looking forward to finding out what I like to do and not doing what others like to do.

Aliwpok I love having the bed to myself it's great and that I'm not kept up half the night with his snoring and passing wind.

Thank you lillamy and for once I recognise this is insight and what I need to do.

AliWProk

I love hearing about the progress you're making, Butterfly. You are awesome.

Butterfly

Thank you