bahookie

Hi,
I'm Jane, new to these boards but attracted to them as you all seem like real people, with real reactions to things and the honesty to admit it, even if it's not primly correct!

I'm having a problem with the idea that the way I react to some of the nonsense my partner A brings into my life is in some way a character defect.

I know I'm not perfect. But, in normal everyday life and relationships I function pretty well, don't get into arguments, can hold indepth conversations without bringing emotions into it, can make fun out of almost nothing and basically feel ok about myself.

Is it really a character defect to be sad, distracted, irritated, at the end of your tether? Why are those things defects? Surely they are normal reactions of human beings who find some things in life acceptable, some not?

Example conversation from any day, but this one last night,
Me - "The road's closed is it flooded?"
A - "I don't know, is it closed?"
(on way back from massive detour, road is reopened)
A - "I told you the road was only closed in one direction!"
Me - "What do you mean, you didn't know it was closed"
A - ARGGGGHHH (sweary words...)
Then throwing of various things around the car and continuing huff through night to now.

How can this disbelief at wild logic and variance from reality be a defect?

Am I missing the point?

Am I?

Jane

Lorelai

Jane -
I know exactly what you mean about the logic or lack thereof. It's almost comical at times. What I have come to understand is that alcoholics are not logical. Trying to reason with them only makes me crazy.

It is my reaction to what happens to me that's in my control - not what happens to me.

Welcome to SR. Stick around and read and post.
I'm glad you're here.
L

bahookie

Thank you for your reply.

I do realise that I shouldn't need reinforcement to realise I'm sane, but it's nice to have it anyway
It's also so nice to have this level of recognition. I think I might actually get off ma bum and go to a meeting soon.
Bit scared and nervous about it, it's like the final admission there is something fundamentally wrong, know what I mean?
And yes, the lack of logic, if seen in a new light, could be comical. I think I might hang onto that.

Thank you thank you thank you!

Jane, feeling better and pushing down the rising panic.

Gabe

Hey Jane,
It took me a while to realize that I wasn't going to get logic or rational behavior out of someone who was irrational. Life got a lot less frustrating for me once I accepted that fact.
Welcome to Sober Recovery. I'm glad you found us.
Gabe

I just realized...this smilie reminds me of Spicoli.

Lorelai

I just realized...this smilie reminds me of Spicoli.

What a hoot, Gabe. I need one with a mustache.

Jane -
Something is wrong. That's what drove me crazy for so long - pretending like everything was OK. The good news is that you can fix it without depending on him to do anything. Go to a meeting and keep coming back here.
We all care about you.
L

Gabe

Lorelai, technically that thing should have a beard and a mustache. Let's just say it looks like Spicoli on the odd occasion that he shaves.