Stayed sober this weekend
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 132
Stayed sober this weekend
I won't say it wasn't easy, because I had no desire to drink. But, man, people are just relentless about pouring you drinks!
I went into the city for a show with my husband and got in touch with some friends we hadn't seen in a while. They suggested we grab dinner after our show, which was a great relief instead of asking if we wanted to go to a bar. I was going to recommend coffee, but dinner sounded safe enough.
Get to the restaurant, a tiny little place without a table open, but they assured us it would be just a few minutes. So we stood there and were poured, without being asked, four glasses of wine. I obviously haven't told these friends (or really any friends) about my lifestyle change and wasn't in the mood to get into it right then. I told them I was driving and asked for a glass of water instead.
Over dinner our friends had a bottle of wine and kept trying to get my husband to drink more and more. He was very respectful of me and slowly sipped a glass to quiet them, but GEEZ, it's hard to get people to let up! And these friends of ours aren't even big drinkers!
Anyway, I didn't drink, didn't want to, and didn't feel too awkward in the situation. Driving is always a good reason to get people to back off on offering you drinks. Lucky for me, I LIKE driving, so I guess when this happens again it will be the same thing. Eventually I'd like to tell my friends that I just don't drink any more, but everything is a little too fresh for me to want to get in to.
Is it bad if I just want to get a few months sober before I say that I quit? I feel like if I have some distance from it, I won't have to offer so much of an explanation. Or, at least if I have some time sober, they won't try to convince me to have "just one" with them. I mean, obviously if I told them I have a problem with drinking they might not do that, but I don't necessarily want to tell all of my friends exactly my reasons for abstaining. I'd prefer just to phrase it more from a health stand point.
Well, weekend down. I'm at 2 solid weeks without booze and feeling good about it. I still get a pang of guilt, depression and other bad feelings about it from time to time, but then I remind myself why I am making this decision. Hoping I can keep that up as time goes by, but so far so good!
I went into the city for a show with my husband and got in touch with some friends we hadn't seen in a while. They suggested we grab dinner after our show, which was a great relief instead of asking if we wanted to go to a bar. I was going to recommend coffee, but dinner sounded safe enough.
Get to the restaurant, a tiny little place without a table open, but they assured us it would be just a few minutes. So we stood there and were poured, without being asked, four glasses of wine. I obviously haven't told these friends (or really any friends) about my lifestyle change and wasn't in the mood to get into it right then. I told them I was driving and asked for a glass of water instead.
Over dinner our friends had a bottle of wine and kept trying to get my husband to drink more and more. He was very respectful of me and slowly sipped a glass to quiet them, but GEEZ, it's hard to get people to let up! And these friends of ours aren't even big drinkers!
Anyway, I didn't drink, didn't want to, and didn't feel too awkward in the situation. Driving is always a good reason to get people to back off on offering you drinks. Lucky for me, I LIKE driving, so I guess when this happens again it will be the same thing. Eventually I'd like to tell my friends that I just don't drink any more, but everything is a little too fresh for me to want to get in to.
Is it bad if I just want to get a few months sober before I say that I quit? I feel like if I have some distance from it, I won't have to offer so much of an explanation. Or, at least if I have some time sober, they won't try to convince me to have "just one" with them. I mean, obviously if I told them I have a problem with drinking they might not do that, but I don't necessarily want to tell all of my friends exactly my reasons for abstaining. I'd prefer just to phrase it more from a health stand point.
Well, weekend down. I'm at 2 solid weeks without booze and feeling good about it. I still get a pang of guilt, depression and other bad feelings about it from time to time, but then I remind myself why I am making this decision. Hoping I can keep that up as time goes by, but so far so good!
quat
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: terra (mostly)firma
Posts: 4,819
Great job on the weekend. Serious sober muscle flexing
Your privacy is yours, no need to explain anything any time you would rather not.
Just one comment to your AV, this girl here Made her decision, get used to the tense, quit trying to barge in for wiggle room, beat it.
I say that because I had been making that decision for a long time , and then I made it. Sounds like you have too, stick to it, you go this !
Your privacy is yours, no need to explain anything any time you would rather not.
Just one comment to your AV, this girl here Made her decision, get used to the tense, quit trying to barge in for wiggle room, beat it.
I say that because I had been making that decision for a long time , and then I made it. Sounds like you have too, stick to it, you go this !
I was sober for many years. Everyone knew it. Every single family function, I was still offered a drink by everyone.
It's just cultural, normal. Don't think by telling them that it will stop - I just kept saying, "No, thanks." They never got it. That's alright, it's on me anyway.
It's just cultural, normal. Don't think by telling them that it will stop - I just kept saying, "No, thanks." They never got it. That's alright, it's on me anyway.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 105
Hi Keep Truckin'!
Excellent stuff, well done!
I had a similar experience this weekend if you read my thread from earlier today! Anyway, we did it.
It is an interesting question, that of what to tell other people. I couldn't begin to consider telling people I have quit for good because I don't believe it myself yet! I worry how I would manage things in the event of a relapse if I had made any big announcements. I think I would feel a bit of shame and that would be a dangerous thing for me, expereince tells me!
So I am saying what I know to be true. I tell people that I am just not into it right now and that I am trying to get a bit healthier, save some money etc - all of which I am convinced of!
I am still very much working on the inner dialogue about this stuff so the outer one will just have to wait a bit longer!
Well done again, great stuff!
CC
Excellent stuff, well done!
I had a similar experience this weekend if you read my thread from earlier today! Anyway, we did it.
It is an interesting question, that of what to tell other people. I couldn't begin to consider telling people I have quit for good because I don't believe it myself yet! I worry how I would manage things in the event of a relapse if I had made any big announcements. I think I would feel a bit of shame and that would be a dangerous thing for me, expereince tells me!
So I am saying what I know to be true. I tell people that I am just not into it right now and that I am trying to get a bit healthier, save some money etc - all of which I am convinced of!
I am still very much working on the inner dialogue about this stuff so the outer one will just have to wait a bit longer!
Well done again, great stuff!
CC
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 132
Thanks all! I was not an every day drinker, not recently anyway. More of a weekend drinker, but I would go way too heavy when I did drink. I like to tell myself that it was getting worse BECAUSE I kept quitting, then coming back, with a lower tolerance, and drinking to make up for all the time I hadn't drank and the time ahead when I wouldn't drink again. Then I'd get extra smashed for having let my tolerance drop and for drinking to "make up for lost time". I realize that logic isn't very logical. That's why I'm here now.
I know people will keep offering. It's ok. I'm still trying to avoid most situations where there will be drinking going on, but I don't get to see these friends often and, as I said, they aren't really big drinkers. Of course, it wouldn't be the first time my not-big-drinker friends wanted to drink with me; I definitely have a reputation for liking to have a good time and get down with some drinks. That will take a while to change, I imagine.
I know people will keep offering. It's ok. I'm still trying to avoid most situations where there will be drinking going on, but I don't get to see these friends often and, as I said, they aren't really big drinkers. Of course, it wouldn't be the first time my not-big-drinker friends wanted to drink with me; I definitely have a reputation for liking to have a good time and get down with some drinks. That will take a while to change, I imagine.
You don't owe anyone an explanation as to whether you're drinking alcohol or not. It's your choice and you can be as private about it as you like. I didn't tell people either because I felt vulnerable and I didn't want people commenting about my decision.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 132
Thanks again, guys I DO feel pretty good about passing on the wine. When I've quit before I can remember having some near-breakdowns being soooo angry when I was around friends who were drinking, having a good time that I couldn't join in on. I totally have FOMO (fear of missing out), so when others are having a party or hanging out doing something that sounds fun, I get upset if I'm not part of it. I'm better about that now as I get older and more responsible (and don't find the partying as much fun as I used to), but it still sneaks up.
This was kind of a fluke, as far as being around friends drinking. I'm trying to keep a low profile for a while until I feel more stable. One thing I've learned is that if I get invited somewhere and I think I shouldn't go for whatever reason (to avoid alcohol, to save money, because it isn't worth the drive, whatever), I NEED to make plans to do SOMETHING in its place. Otherwise, I will feel like crap, even though I know I wouldn't have had as much fun as I feel like I'm missing out on. Even if I just plan to rent a movie I've wanted to see, I have to keep busy.
But, yes, I was offered free wine at a restaurant, a thing I normally would pounce on, and I pretty easily declined it. I know it won't always be that easy, but it was this time and I am grateful for that!
This was kind of a fluke, as far as being around friends drinking. I'm trying to keep a low profile for a while until I feel more stable. One thing I've learned is that if I get invited somewhere and I think I shouldn't go for whatever reason (to avoid alcohol, to save money, because it isn't worth the drive, whatever), I NEED to make plans to do SOMETHING in its place. Otherwise, I will feel like crap, even though I know I wouldn't have had as much fun as I feel like I'm missing out on. Even if I just plan to rent a movie I've wanted to see, I have to keep busy.
But, yes, I was offered free wine at a restaurant, a thing I normally would pounce on, and I pretty easily declined it. I know it won't always be that easy, but it was this time and I am grateful for that!
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