need the advice from the SR team
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: scotland
Posts: 84
need the advice from the SR team
Well I’m into my fifth month of sobriety and I think I am feeling better? I am however now getting the feeling that I would like to try and have a few drinks.
I am going to AA meetings and I really feel they have helped me but I am never able to relate to most of the things that are discussed. Iam not trying to get out of the fact that I am an alcoholic but I don’t want to label myself incorrectly. I never drank for days I really was never able to drink a lot but I did have some bad routines with drinking like wanting to drink more than I should or using drinking as a support to acheve things.
I know I had an issue with drinking to escape work related stress and basically sometimes boredom. What made me give up drinking was an anxiety attack and stress possibly some depression in the mix as well but prior to this I always wanted to stop drinking especially at the weekends but I couldn’t as I felt there was not much else to do ,, worth noting I never drank in pubs or clubs I drank in the house.
I am looking for some advice as I feel I am coping with the mental side of things now but I am totally confused about the alcoholic behaviour? I feel fine right now I am doing great all round but I worry myself for nothing sometimes and this has been a problem I have had sober or not I think the worst about things in general.
As I said I am fine with the whole alcoholic thing as I understand it is an illness but I am really confused right now as I have been around drinking and I have not wanted to drink ,, but recently I have thought otherwise and this has made me worried.
Fact the last time I did drink after 3 months sober I felt fine when I drank that night but the next day I was terrible with the feeling of guilt and anxiety? I could not understand why this was I stopped drinking early went to bed and had a great night with loved ones but still I don’t know where all the feelings came from the next day.
If anyone has been in similar positions please give me some advice. To make it clear I am not looking for assurance that I should go drinking but just some advice or similar experiences ,,,, at 33 I hope it isn’t a mid life crisis or something
I get like this from time to time and need the advice from the SR team,
I am going to AA meetings and I really feel they have helped me but I am never able to relate to most of the things that are discussed. Iam not trying to get out of the fact that I am an alcoholic but I don’t want to label myself incorrectly. I never drank for days I really was never able to drink a lot but I did have some bad routines with drinking like wanting to drink more than I should or using drinking as a support to acheve things.
I know I had an issue with drinking to escape work related stress and basically sometimes boredom. What made me give up drinking was an anxiety attack and stress possibly some depression in the mix as well but prior to this I always wanted to stop drinking especially at the weekends but I couldn’t as I felt there was not much else to do ,, worth noting I never drank in pubs or clubs I drank in the house.
I am looking for some advice as I feel I am coping with the mental side of things now but I am totally confused about the alcoholic behaviour? I feel fine right now I am doing great all round but I worry myself for nothing sometimes and this has been a problem I have had sober or not I think the worst about things in general.
As I said I am fine with the whole alcoholic thing as I understand it is an illness but I am really confused right now as I have been around drinking and I have not wanted to drink ,, but recently I have thought otherwise and this has made me worried.
Fact the last time I did drink after 3 months sober I felt fine when I drank that night but the next day I was terrible with the feeling of guilt and anxiety? I could not understand why this was I stopped drinking early went to bed and had a great night with loved ones but still I don’t know where all the feelings came from the next day.
If anyone has been in similar positions please give me some advice. To make it clear I am not looking for assurance that I should go drinking but just some advice or similar experiences ,,,, at 33 I hope it isn’t a mid life crisis or something
I get like this from time to time and need the advice from the SR team,
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
I think everyone gets a decent amount of sober time and wonders if they were a real alcoholic or just having a 'bad patch'.
Don't confuse abstinence for control. Your life is better because you stopped drinking. You haven't been reset and you haven't learned control.
I know this because the many times I drank again, I didn't have control either.
My experience with alcohol was always disastrous sooner or later.
That AV may sound persuasive even feasible, but don't fall for the lies Aldo.
Go back and re-read your earliest posts
D
Don't confuse abstinence for control. Your life is better because you stopped drinking. You haven't been reset and you haven't learned control.
I know this because the many times I drank again, I didn't have control either.
My experience with alcohol was always disastrous sooner or later.
That AV may sound persuasive even feasible, but don't fall for the lies Aldo.
Go back and re-read your earliest posts
D
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
[QUOTE=aldo1981;5290862
I am not trying to get out of the fact that I am an alcoholic but I don’t want to label myself incorrectly.
[/QUOTE]
Aldo, Glad you're here posting!
This is a pretty natural question for many - I know it was for me. The issue became when I had talked myself into thinking I could drink, time flew by and 10 - 15 - 20 years later I was still drunk! Bad experiment......but, I understand wanting to do more research.
Ultimately I know I am indeed an alcoholic. For awhile I settled on something I read here from another member - "I would rather walk around thinking I was an alcoholic sober that live daily drunk thinking I was not!"
I have never forgotten those words - sobriety is so much better than being drunk. Even sometimes!
Of course AA tells us this which I find very true -
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
Keep posting and keep coming back!!
I am not trying to get out of the fact that I am an alcoholic but I don’t want to label myself incorrectly.
[/QUOTE]
Aldo, Glad you're here posting!
This is a pretty natural question for many - I know it was for me. The issue became when I had talked myself into thinking I could drink, time flew by and 10 - 15 - 20 years later I was still drunk! Bad experiment......but, I understand wanting to do more research.
Ultimately I know I am indeed an alcoholic. For awhile I settled on something I read here from another member - "I would rather walk around thinking I was an alcoholic sober that live daily drunk thinking I was not!"
I have never forgotten those words - sobriety is so much better than being drunk. Even sometimes!
Of course AA tells us this which I find very true -
Most of us have been unwilling to admit we were real alcoholics. No person likes to think he is bodily and mentally different from his fellows. Therefore, it is not surprising that our drinking careers have been characterized by countless vain attempts to prove we could drink like other people. The idea that somehow, someday he will control and enjoy his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker. The persistence of this illusion is astonishing. Many pursue it into the gates of insanity or death.
Keep posting and keep coming back!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
Well I’m into my fifth month of sobriety and I think I am feeling better? I am however now getting the feeling that I would like to try and have a few drinks. Aldo
Sorry Aldo, I just had to grin after reading your first couple sentences.
A lot of people get cured around the six month time frame. Some people it takes a year to be cured.
Please do not be fooled into thinking because you have 5 months that you will be able to drink safely again. I cannot say for certain that it is 100%, but very few people have been able to do it. There is far too much evidence that tells me if I attempt to drink again, I may as well just flush my life down the toilet.
You may be able to start out with one or two, but I promise you, in time you will be right back where you were when you decided to quit.
Don't risk it please.
Sorry Aldo, I just had to grin after reading your first couple sentences.
A lot of people get cured around the six month time frame. Some people it takes a year to be cured.
Please do not be fooled into thinking because you have 5 months that you will be able to drink safely again. I cannot say for certain that it is 100%, but very few people have been able to do it. There is far too much evidence that tells me if I attempt to drink again, I may as well just flush my life down the toilet.
You may be able to start out with one or two, but I promise you, in time you will be right back where you were when you decided to quit.
Don't risk it please.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by aldo1981 
Fact the last time I did drink after 3 months sober...
I guess the question I'd ask is this: isn't you life better sober, without the anxiety and panic?
And if the answer is yes, why risk it for the promise you think alcohol gives?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
I think part of what you're going through is the nature of the addiction.
I do know if you were having problems before and go back to drinking, what you experienced will only get worse.
I think it's the nature of the disease to question why we're sober or if we really had that much of a problem with alcohol. I also think those reasons are a major part of the reason it can be so difficult to overcome this disease and stay sober. However, we really need to be steadfast in staying sober since things only get worse if we pick up again.
I do know if you were having problems before and go back to drinking, what you experienced will only get worse.
I think it's the nature of the disease to question why we're sober or if we really had that much of a problem with alcohol. I also think those reasons are a major part of the reason it can be so difficult to overcome this disease and stay sober. However, we really need to be steadfast in staying sober since things only get worse if we pick up again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: scotland
Posts: 84
Thanks everyone I just felt really confused about the whole thing I think I will just go on living sober and hopefully the feeling will go. I think this is the first time I can remember feeling like I want a drink but you are all right the way I feel I would probably drink to much and be back where I started .. Thanks everyone
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
"I am going to AA meetings and I really feel they have helped me but I am never able to relate to most of the things that are discussed. Iam not trying to get out of the fact that I am an alcoholic but I don’t want to label myself incorrectly. I never drank for days I really was never able to drink a lot but I did have some bad routines with drinking like wanting to drink more than I should or using drinking as a support to acheve things. "
Yer trying o relate to the drinking thing is what it reads like.
Try relating to the thinkin thing.
That made me see my thinkin was no different than the ex gutter drunk, ex prostitute , attourney with a bottle in his desk, the weekend drinker, the mn that only had 6 blackouts in his drinking career,etc.
Alcohol was but a symptom of much deeper problems, ones we seem to have in common.
Yer trying o relate to the drinking thing is what it reads like.
Try relating to the thinkin thing.
That made me see my thinkin was no different than the ex gutter drunk, ex prostitute , attourney with a bottle in his desk, the weekend drinker, the mn that only had 6 blackouts in his drinking career,etc.
Alcohol was but a symptom of much deeper problems, ones we seem to have in common.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,552
Thank you for this post Aldo and the responses. My AV has been creeping in on me lately suggesting I can have a margarita or shot of tequila. I'm at 6 months and have also been "cured".
Now I know I will never be cured. If I wasn't sick I wouldn't be fantasizing about a shot that tastes like dog poop. I wouldn't have been able to put what I have been feeling into words but you did Aldo. Ty for this incredibly helpful post. You helped me today.
Jennifer
Now I know I will never be cured. If I wasn't sick I wouldn't be fantasizing about a shot that tastes like dog poop. I wouldn't have been able to put what I have been feeling into words but you did Aldo. Ty for this incredibly helpful post. You helped me today.
Jennifer
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
You said you attend AA, have you read the BB? If not I suggest you turn to page 24.
"We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago."
"We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago."
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 91
I've discussed this same issue, as it pertains to me, with my girlfriend... a normal drinker.
I made a pro/con list. In favor of drinking, my pros were:
A) Can socialize with friends.
B) Can drink/toast at weddings, to include my own.
C) Can drink in memorial.
D) Can go on drinking vacations like Napa, South France, Germany.
E) Won't face stigma.
F) (I kept this one to myself) How will I meet women, if I'm single?
Her comments, to each were
A) You socialize fine sober and do you need to drink to be social? Considering your history, do you, a risky drinker, think it's a good idea to drink with people who only socialize with you if you drink?
B) Can you not enjoy weddings without drinking? Do you not feel celebratory without drinking?
C) Do you need to drink to honor loss and disappointment? Are you running from feelings?
D) So you want to travel and drink... do you really think that's the only thing that's fun about a vacation? People do things on vacation besides drinking...
E) If you're hung up on what other think of you, that's your problem. Besides, weren't you stigmatized as a drunk mess?
F) (my own answer) If drinking has been problematic for me and I need to moderate my drinking, do I really want to enter a relationship with someone that needs me to drink?
So, she wins that on. Onto the cons...
A) I might be wrong.
B) I might not be able to get sober again, if I find that my drinking is problematic.
C) If my drinking is problematic for me and others, I might lose things like job, house, relationships that I value. Alcoholic sobriety is rare, by the numbers.
D) If I am an alcoholic, alcoholism is progressive and fatal.
So, on one side, I have what are, at best, potentially more enjoyable moments. On the other, I have the potential for life crushing catastrophe.
I decided to drink. That was a terrible decision and it took me years to get sober. The upshot is that I removed all doubt of my alcoholism. If you are an alcoholic, that's the best case scenario.
You might be different. By the odds, you're probably not because most people do not walk into AA by accident.
Lastly, a normal drinker (what you're supposing you may be) would not go though the pain that I, and I assume you, have been through, and then decide to drink again. It's a completely crazy, lunatic idea. That said, I get it... because I'm an alcoholic.
It's normal to think about drinking. Heck, while writing this a drink sounded pretty good to me. The thinking goes like this... Well, you've achieved long term sobriety and you know what to watch out for. You'll act better and be more considerate of the potential dangers. Besides, you know how to get sober...
The difference between me and you is that I know that those thoughts are crap. It's a trap. I've smashed the illusion that I can drink.
Here's one question... what's your hurry? Say you wait a year, two, three or five? What's the worst that can happen if you stay sober?
The door to AA does not always swing both ways.
I made a pro/con list. In favor of drinking, my pros were:
A) Can socialize with friends.
B) Can drink/toast at weddings, to include my own.
C) Can drink in memorial.
D) Can go on drinking vacations like Napa, South France, Germany.
E) Won't face stigma.
F) (I kept this one to myself) How will I meet women, if I'm single?
Her comments, to each were
A) You socialize fine sober and do you need to drink to be social? Considering your history, do you, a risky drinker, think it's a good idea to drink with people who only socialize with you if you drink?
B) Can you not enjoy weddings without drinking? Do you not feel celebratory without drinking?
C) Do you need to drink to honor loss and disappointment? Are you running from feelings?
D) So you want to travel and drink... do you really think that's the only thing that's fun about a vacation? People do things on vacation besides drinking...
E) If you're hung up on what other think of you, that's your problem. Besides, weren't you stigmatized as a drunk mess?
F) (my own answer) If drinking has been problematic for me and I need to moderate my drinking, do I really want to enter a relationship with someone that needs me to drink?
So, she wins that on. Onto the cons...
A) I might be wrong.
B) I might not be able to get sober again, if I find that my drinking is problematic.
C) If my drinking is problematic for me and others, I might lose things like job, house, relationships that I value. Alcoholic sobriety is rare, by the numbers.
D) If I am an alcoholic, alcoholism is progressive and fatal.
So, on one side, I have what are, at best, potentially more enjoyable moments. On the other, I have the potential for life crushing catastrophe.
I decided to drink. That was a terrible decision and it took me years to get sober. The upshot is that I removed all doubt of my alcoholism. If you are an alcoholic, that's the best case scenario.
You might be different. By the odds, you're probably not because most people do not walk into AA by accident.
Lastly, a normal drinker (what you're supposing you may be) would not go though the pain that I, and I assume you, have been through, and then decide to drink again. It's a completely crazy, lunatic idea. That said, I get it... because I'm an alcoholic.
It's normal to think about drinking. Heck, while writing this a drink sounded pretty good to me. The thinking goes like this... Well, you've achieved long term sobriety and you know what to watch out for. You'll act better and be more considerate of the potential dangers. Besides, you know how to get sober...
The difference between me and you is that I know that those thoughts are crap. It's a trap. I've smashed the illusion that I can drink.
Here's one question... what's your hurry? Say you wait a year, two, three or five? What's the worst that can happen if you stay sober?
The door to AA does not always swing both ways.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
AA's Big Book is very specific and goes to great lengths to distinguish between a one time hard drinker and the particular type of alcoholic who matched their experience. It's possible that you aren't relating because you don't fit that experience. Three chapters are spent on making this distinction, but the simple version is 'if when drinking you have little control over the amount you take', and 'find you are unable to quit drinking entirely when you honestly want to'.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: scotland
Posts: 84
Thanks everyone for the advice,, I don’t know where these feelings come from but I feel better today the feeling has left me and after reading all your posts... I had a good read at my BB last night and what got me back on track was remembering that we deal with alcohol cunning and powerful......
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