missmarie0301

Hi, I'm new here. I don't know in which specific part of the forum should I post this because there's no gambling section in this forum.

I just found out today that my boyfriend has a gambling problem. I found out through his therapist as she was given the go signal by my boyfriend's parents to inform me of the situation. My boyfriend is now in a recovery program and I was informed I am not allowed to see him or talk to him for now. I am shocked about this, because I didn't know he has a problem.

I asked the therapist regarding my role in his recovery and she said I could be part of family meetings, if his parents give their consent. That made me feel relieved. Also, according to the doctor, after a month into his program, my boyfriend could start receiving letters and writing to people outside the facility.

I want to support him in his recovery. But right now, I don't know where to start. I just feel confused right now. I just take comfort in knowing that he's safe and working towards making himself better.

How do loved ones cope when someone they love has been admitted to a recovery program?

Seren

Hello MissMarie, Welcome to SR!

The program you describe sounds similar to those for alcoholism or substance abuse. The first part of the program is very concentrated and intense. Your boyfriend is probably not allowed to speak to anyone outside the program at the moment--even his parents.

I wish I could tell you that once he is through with this program, all will be well. Addictions, in whatever form they take, often require a complete life change. Your boyfriend is on the first few steps of a life-long path of recovery. I know that you want to help, but at the moment, there is probably not much that you can do except to encourage him to do the "next right thing" as you can.

How are you? You deserve support in all this as well. I'm sure this has been a sudden and large change in your life. I hope you have support as well!

missmarie0301

Hi Seren! Thank you for your reply.

I would like to know when does he get out of the facility? I've been told that this is a one-year program. But the doctor assured me that my boyfriend doesn't have to stay inside the facility for one whole year. What I failed to ask is, when will he get out?

To be honest with you, I am shocked still. And sad. I don't know how to have support in this time. I've been in constant communication with my boyfriend's mother and that's the only support I get. That, and this forum. I am honestly afraid to tell my family or my friends because I don't want them to tell me to leave my boyfriend. What can you advise? I'm thinking maybe I should tell one friend.. I'm still confused as you can see :|

dandylion

missmarie....alanon and a personal counselor seems to be the thing that works for so many of us. That way..you would also have people that you can express yourself freely to very understanding and compassionate people.

(maybe I am a bit slow---but how is it that his parents are the ones who are giving and denying permission?).

dandylion

LexieCat

Hi, and welcome! Every program is different. Chances are it will be a few months in-patient, and then the program will continue for the rest of the year with outpatient aftercare. Why not ask his parents? They were good enough to let the doctor talk to you, so they may be willing to share some of the details about the program with you. The facility probably also has a website that explains how their program works.

missmarie0301

Thank you for your replies.

dandylion, his parents didn't want to tell me of his situation yet since I was taking my final examinations and they didn't want me to be distracted. That is why they waited for me to finish my examinations before they gave the doctor a go signal to call me. His parents are the one who needs to give their consent regarding me being part of the family meetings because, of course, I am not part of the family. I hope I answered your question.

Thank you for your advice. May I ask where could I find a personal counselor? Would a guidance counselor in my school be sufficient? Or do you recommend a counselor from the hospital?

Lexie, thank you for your advice. I will be having coffee with his mother and I will ask her the things that have been bugging me. And thanks to you, I realized that yes they are good people for letting me speak to the doctor. I didn't realize that as I was caught up with my own dilemma.

LexieCat

I think dandy's question is why it is his parents, rather than he, who are controlling the release of confidential information. Presumably he is either a minor or he has consented to their ability to control the release of information. Or maybe he told the doctor it was fine to give you information, and his folks just wanted to wait, as you suggested, till exams were over.

dandylion

exactly. Generally, it is the person, themselves who make the decisions regarding their own care or therapy and release of information....and not their parents. Unless, of course, they are under age or are deemed to be mentally incompetent, in some way--and another has been appointed to this role.

dandylion

Ileana

MissMarie- To answer your question "how do people cope while loved one is in rehab?" I can only speak for myself but I slept soundly for the first time in years. But I wasn't blindsided, I was deep into the throws of my daughters addiction, so the fact that she was safe was such a relief, I literally slept for days.

I was not allowed to see or speak to my daughter for the first week, she could not call anyone, other than parents (she didn't have a spouse) for a month, so I understand why you would not be on a contact list.

I know this is hard but consider backing off for a little while to allow your boyfriend and his parents to develop a plan about his recovery. You can attend Al-Anon or a gamblers program in the mean time which would help you learn about the recovery process.