The Language of Letting Go, March 30

Old 03-30-2015, 03:32 AM
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The Language of Letting Go, March 30

MARCH 30

You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."

Finances

Taking financial responsibility for ourselves is part of recovery. Some of us may find ourselves in hard financial times for a variety of reasons.

Our recovery concepts, including the Steps, work on money issues and restoring manageability to that area of our life. Make appropriate amends, even if that means tackling a $5000 debt by sending in $5 a month.

Start where you are with what you've got. As with other issues, acceptance and gratitude turn what we have into more.

Money issues are not a good place to "act as if." Don't write checks until the money is in the bank. Don't spend money until you've got it in your hand.

If there is too little money to survive, use the appropriate resources available without shame.

Set goals.

Believe you deserve the best financially.

Believe Higher Power cares about your finances.

Let go of your fear, and trust.

Today, I will focus on taking responsibility for my present financial circumstances, no matter how overwhelming that area of my life may feel and be.

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Old 03-30-2015, 05:24 AM
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So my RAH wants to buy a new truck. He has looked at used, but the model he desires does not drop in price. Kind of crazy how expensive any vehicle has gotten!

The problem is he makes a very low salary now. He cannot afford this loan until either my car is paid off OR he gets a better paying job. Every few weeks we have this conversation where I try very hard to not tell him to Consider getting a job that pays a better salary... He has hinted he wants me to co-sign the loan and I have said no.

Because of his ego issues - he is afraid. He is setting me up to play the 'bad guy' regarding our budget. He doesn't think he deserves the best...
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Old 03-30-2015, 05:54 AM
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Finances suck for me. Not as bad as they did when AH in treatment, but still bad enough to make me antsy. I like the part about trusting that Higher Power cares about my finances. He has always taken care of us.
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Old 03-30-2015, 06:16 AM
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I've always been the one to worry about finances in my marriage, always been the one to say "no" to big expenditures, to taking on debt. When my A and I first got together, I was the one who kept track of how much we spent and on what. I was the one who insisted we systematically pay off all our debts--first his credit card, then the car loan, then the house. When I returned to tech school to get into medical transcription, I paid my tuition and book costs in cash from savings. When my A returned to tech school, we paid his expenses in cash too.

I'm not really sure how this happened, but somewhere along the line, I gave up my iron grip on the finances. He started keeping the books, and since I saw slow but steady growth in the savings account, I paid even less attention. On the occasions when I took a closer look, I found things that made no sense, but saying anything about it resulted in a huge to-do. I was told that it wasn't necessary for things to add up, and I just needed to trust that it was all OK.

Looking back, I can't imagine why in the world I didn't take some kind of action at the time. Was I really that deep in denial? I don't think so. I think it was just that I honestly had NO CLUE wtf was going on. I had no idea on the drinking or the secret smoking. In my world, there is simply no way a person would go to the lengths that my A did to conceal his addictions and the fact that he was using our joint savings to finance them. The whole thing was something that I'd never encountered, couldn't imagine. What a Pollyanna--and I'm that way in many other areas of my life, too.

I feel so grateful that I did stand up to the various grandiose things that my A wanted to spend money on. I feel so grateful that, even though he spent a ton of money on his addictions, our heads remained above water. It certainly gives me a degree of freedom that so many who've been run to ruin by their A don't have, and I am so thankful for this.
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