Posting to distract myself
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 1,053
Posting to distract myself
Hello. Posting to distract myself.
Had a rough day at home and just trying to keep things in perspective.
Drinking will not make it better.
No need to reply. Again posting to distract.
Had a rough day at home and just trying to keep things in perspective.
Drinking will not make it better.
No need to reply. Again posting to distract.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
This group isn't one to just read about someone's bad day and look the other way.
We care and we understand how difficult some days can be.
I'm with Strat. Talk about it if it helps.
Good job posting instead of drinking.
We care and we understand how difficult some days can be.
I'm with Strat. Talk about it if it helps.
Good job posting instead of drinking.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Chattanooga TN
Posts: 596
Teebee, sorry to distract you, but you got one thing right...
Drinking will not make it better.
Distractions will
The whole cat herding thing made me laugh and cry, because my path has been a lot like herding cats lol
Post at will friend, you are among people who understand, and who can help at YOUR pace.
Just keep in mind, Drinking will not make it better.
Drinking will not make it better.
Distractions will
The whole cat herding thing made me laugh and cry, because my path has been a lot like herding cats lolPost at will friend, you are among people who understand, and who can help at YOUR pace.
Just keep in mind, Drinking will not make it better.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: PA
Posts: 1,053
Thanks guys.
My SO can be quite the mean and critical person. Last year we got an au pair to help with the four kids as my SO health has not been good. It was her idea but for the past few months she really has been quite mean to her. Nothing really said to her directly by the mood in the house is just so tense. To me she's constantly complaining about the au pair. How much she eats, how much noise she makes, how she cleans the kids room, how she does laundry. All SO is every doing is critiquing the poor girl. I like her and like to talk with her and I think my SO is jealous.
Anyway today the girl told me she can't take living in our house anymore and wants to end the contract early. She's supposed to stay until October but will now leave early June because I asked her to stay though the end of the school year.
I'm just so sad about this. I really like her and the kids really like her and she's a great help around the house and being I do the majority of the tasks with the kids etc there's going to be more work for me.
I get so lonely because my partner doesn't like people and family tends not to visit and friends don't even come by at all.
I'm just sad- I'm going to go back to just me, the kids, and this grumpy, critical partner.
Guess I'm feeling a bit sad for myself.
Thanks for listening it does feel better to get it out some but now I'm just sitting here crying. This just sucks.
My SO can be quite the mean and critical person. Last year we got an au pair to help with the four kids as my SO health has not been good. It was her idea but for the past few months she really has been quite mean to her. Nothing really said to her directly by the mood in the house is just so tense. To me she's constantly complaining about the au pair. How much she eats, how much noise she makes, how she cleans the kids room, how she does laundry. All SO is every doing is critiquing the poor girl. I like her and like to talk with her and I think my SO is jealous.
Anyway today the girl told me she can't take living in our house anymore and wants to end the contract early. She's supposed to stay until October but will now leave early June because I asked her to stay though the end of the school year.
I'm just so sad about this. I really like her and the kids really like her and she's a great help around the house and being I do the majority of the tasks with the kids etc there's going to be more work for me.
I get so lonely because my partner doesn't like people and family tends not to visit and friends don't even come by at all.
I'm just sad- I'm going to go back to just me, the kids, and this grumpy, critical partner.
Guess I'm feeling a bit sad for myself.
Thanks for listening it does feel better to get it out some but now I'm just sitting here crying. This just sucks.
...holds the key
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 7,065
Teebee....I really hope you can have an honest discussion with your SO about how all this is affecting you...not only about the au pair, but your relationship in general. And yes, Living with a critical partner sucks! More hugs coming your way!
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,185
I've only just read this thread and I feel bad for you Teebee.
I agree with Brynn and hope you can tell to your SO about the situation. Not my business of course but could your SO's mood be caused by something specific?
I agree with Brynn and hope you can tell to your SO about the situation. Not my business of course but could your SO's mood be caused by something specific?
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Actually we're in couples therapy now. She's been depressed for years and I've asked her to get treatment for years but she's refused until I said get treatment or I leave. We had a health crisis that brought everything to a head (cancer) and it's just been a heck of a time. She's still so angry at the world - It's a crapy way to live. I think I was drinking to just not deal ... shocker right - drinking to avoid conflict or feelings.
So now we're trying to at least open communication lines and get her help because she's making suicidal like comments that I've called her on. So I'm not avoiding talking but trying to do it when we're in couples so the therapist can moderate.
Trying to do everything right - it's just a difficult situation. I'll speak to her about the au pair after Easter at our next session. I'm just so very sad about it - for the au pair, for me and for the kids. Again my SO has pushed someone out of our lives that we cared for and she doesn't understand it's her attitude and persona that does it.
Sometimes it feels like my head is just everywhere.
Thanks for listening
So now we're trying to at least open communication lines and get her help because she's making suicidal like comments that I've called her on. So I'm not avoiding talking but trying to do it when we're in couples so the therapist can moderate.
Trying to do everything right - it's just a difficult situation. I'll speak to her about the au pair after Easter at our next session. I'm just so very sad about it - for the au pair, for me and for the kids. Again my SO has pushed someone out of our lives that we cared for and she doesn't understand it's her attitude and persona that does it.
Sometimes it feels like my head is just everywhere.
Thanks for listening
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
sorry you are having a difficult time TB, this is definitely couples therapy territory.
But I wonder if you SO is in need of individual therapy as well.
The important thing is to keep your head on straight. I highly doubt getting a different person will alleviate her angst. I feel for your help too. Too many domestics get caught in between or become the focus of family issues.
It's good that you posted and are able to talk it out here. Keep doing that for as long - and often - as you need to.
But I wonder if you SO is in need of individual therapy as well.
The important thing is to keep your head on straight. I highly doubt getting a different person will alleviate her angst. I feel for your help too. Too many domestics get caught in between or become the focus of family issues.
It's good that you posted and are able to talk it out here. Keep doing that for as long - and often - as you need to.
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
That entire situation is tough Teebee for all involved. I wish I had better words for you on the situation. I'll keep my fingers crossed that when you talk at the next counseling session, your wife changes her mind and the situation changes to where the au pair also changes her mind and sticks around. 
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Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 786
Teebee-We started this sober journey together and I'm sure you realized, like i did, that our personal life's issues/problems would not just disappear because we stopped drowning them out with booze. For me, I'm just able to cross off drinking from my problem list.
I have quite a different situation, my children are gone and you have four young children. I can give my problems time, not you, your children need daily guidance.
My adult children have issues today due to some wrong decisions i have made, but then they are also the results of it.
Just remember, children are pretty resilient.
Good luck with your SO, hope cancer is no longer an issue. Like you said, getting cancer is crappy. Hope you can find some peace and that couples therapy will open up lines of communication for you and your SO. You sound like a very strong individual, so keep on truck'en
I have quite a different situation, my children are gone and you have four young children. I can give my problems time, not you, your children need daily guidance.
My adult children have issues today due to some wrong decisions i have made, but then they are also the results of it.
Just remember, children are pretty resilient.
Good luck with your SO, hope cancer is no longer an issue. Like you said, getting cancer is crappy. Hope you can find some peace and that couples therapy will open up lines of communication for you and your SO. You sound like a very strong individual, so keep on truck'en
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