jendler69

I am writing this for advice...

Yesterday, I woke up and made coffee, lit a cigarette... went out to my back patio and sat in a slight daze... looking at the empty glasses from the night before, along with cigarette butts and everything scattered around the bar which I had become so proud of (I tell myself I want it for guests, but if I am being honest... I never have guests... I just make myself drinks from it)... looking at, and still probably under the influence from the night before I thought.... "Is this it...?, this is what my life has become?"

I am now 30 years old and all of my friends have basically moved on from this kind of activity. I use to be proud of it... proud of the fact that I hadn't gotten "tied down" yet... or that I could "still hang" and put away several drinks a night and function. But I wasn't proud of anything I was looking at...

Looking back I realized that my life has become a series of failed relationships and drug dependency... sure I am not doing hard drugs now, I am doing the "accepted" drug of our society.... but what has changed. Nothing really, Instead of scoring Meth or Coke or something else I am drinking 1/3 to 1/2 of hard liquor a night. So I made a decision that I need to change my life and was going to start that night.... needless to say that night I drank...

"Well, I was going to start tonight, but maybe I'll just have a drink just to help taper off a bit...."

"well, I might as well have one last splurging evening...I'll cut it off tomorrow"

And then this morning... "I'll just a shot in my coffee to help me start"... and now I am looking at a full blown mixed drink as I type sitting next to me and its not even noon...

I detest AA meetings... I need help and advice. My biggest problem is how bored I get when I am sober... god, I can't even remember what I like doing... its been so long since I did anything sober other than work. I watch movies and they don't seem entertaining or hold my interest.... I play my guitar and don't really seem to care. I would rather just unplug my amp and pour a drink. Really... how long does that feeling last. I am planning on giving it another shot tomorrow morning since I am off of work, but I am worried about that anxious feeling and not having anything to hold my interest...

PurpleKnight

When I got Sober I realised how boring my life already was, I had so much time on my hands because I had no other interests, I simply sat and drank in front of the TV, so for me Sobriety didn't make my life boring, my life already was boring!!

We now need to sit down and work out what we want to do in life, why did we get Sober, what are we interested in, new hobbies, new activities, new projects, what do we want to do with our lives?!!

It's gonna take time, rebuilding a life isn't gonna happen overnight, small steps, but it can be done!!

Soberwolf

Welcome Jendler its nice to meet you

doggonecarl

Welcome to Sober Recovery. You think being sober is boring? The only person who thinks drinking is exciting is a drunk. Drinking is only an activity for your addiction, and it's dragging you along with it.

I drank for over ten years planning to quit tomorrow.

That was your plan last night, to quit "tomorrow" wasn't it? Well, it's tomorrow. So pour out what you have, clear your bar of booze, and drink water for the rest of the night. Stopping now isn't just ceremonious. It means your rational mind is in the driver's seat, not your addiction.

Regardless, good luck.

TennantSmith

Welcome! I've done the same: I'm 38, divorced, perpetually single, graduated college but still job searching. My life feels stalled.

Most of that is because of drinking.

So I'm quite excited to find out how great life is sober. I mean, it has to be better, lol.

We can both do this.

felodese

I myself have had the same thoughts.
I am still struggling with sustaining sobriety but trying is at least a start.

I sat and made a list...I googled bucket lists for ideas and my list has small things from going out and buying a homeless person lunch a day (gets me out the house too) to bigger things like riding a camel....going to see pyramids etc

This year I've also made a website which i've listed all the charity stuff im doing. maybe i'll share one day. but this morning i ran my first 10km and a couple of weeks ago i did a 5km charity run. before that i'd never ran in my life!

jendler69

I know you're right DGC... I wish it was easier... Thinking of your advice, and looking at my bar on the back patio through my sliding glass door right now... "tomorrow" I know is the coveted word of the addict... especially when they are feeling good while having a drink ... it just seems scary... I have been drinking like this for the last 5 years... what if something goes wrong.... how do I prepare myself for not drinking anymore... what do I do when I am half mad with cravings and boredom and my body and mind are screaming at me that I should have a drink....

Anna

Welcome, Jendler!

I hope that you decide to stop drinking and live a sober life. Part of recovery involves finding new things to do that are interesting and fun, meeting new sober friends, changing our lives. You will find plenty of things to do as you begin your recovery.

thomas11

I'm sure most of us can relate to how you feel. I was there yesterday. The best thing to is the hardest thing to do and that is put it away.

jendler69

Glad to not be alone Tennant!! ... I know it must be better... I know in my heart there is this great big world out there and emotions and experiences I have been ignoring and numbing... are you scared at all?

jendler69

No doubt Anna. Sobriety is just such a new feeling... I need to find some kind of strength to muscle through it... Its so weird... the moment the alcohol gets out of my system I become aware of being alone... or that I am not doing anything with my life... its this vicious circle... but I know if I can just break it and stick with it that the world is this huge place with people and places and things and wonder and I want all of it... maybe I should focus on that and those... maybe I need to make a list like felodese said

biminiblue

The same way we all did. Tough it out.

If you are afraid of withdrawals, see your doctor. I was drinking about 1/2 bottle of hard alcohol a day at the end. When I decided to quit, I went from that to two beers a day, then one beer a day, then quit. I took three days total. I threw out all the alcohol and the glasses and other accoutrements.

But the "afterwards"? You have to figure that out one day at a time. After the hard physical part is over, then you get to rebuild a life that doesn't include a bar on your back patio, and doesn't include those crazy alcoholic thoughts.

Welcome to the forums, look around.

jendler69

What were those three days like BB? I have gone through withdrawals before... not alcohol though. I like to consider myself pretty tough... even if I am scared. It would just be nice to know what to expect (even though I know its different for everyone...)... how did you cope those three days... what did you do?

2muchpain

My routine was go to work, come home, and drink. Friday after work, hit the liquor store, stock up for the weekend, go home, sit in front of the TV and drink. This habit quickly turned into an addiction. Breaking this routine is very, very hard and takes a lot of persistence and patience in the beginning. And, for me, took a lot of time. I think most people deal with false starts for a while until sobriety catches on.
My advice would be to get as much support as you can. Look into recovery programs. Give yourself pats on the back for little successes. Every hour you don't drink is huge. They eventually add up. I also had to be willing to "force" myself to get out and try new things, which meant getting out of my comfort zone (sitting home, watching TV). Building a new life is hard and scary, but it can be done. Good Luck. John

biminiblue

I was able to be at home and treated myself like I was recovering from a serious illness: which I was. TV, food, sleep. I was just jittery and anxious, headachey. Some people have bad withdrawals, I didn't - other than intense emotional upset and anxiety/depression. That was bad enough.

A doctor can prescribe medication for your physical symptoms.

I thought I was fine. I went to an AA meeting on day three. I went to a meeting every day for 90 days, as a matter of fact. I was shocked to find how much fogginess and inability to think I had. I had trouble putting two thoughts together and here were all these sober people who were so articulate. In my crazy brain, I thought I was just fine. I was not.

I also had a lot of trouble sleeping for a couple weeks, but by far the worst was the emotional roller coaster. I felt raw, like I had no skin.

It is good for me to remember that time, thanks for asking.

I do not want to go back there ever.

I won't - as long as I don't pick up that first drink ever again.

jendler69

Thanks 2MP. I think that will help.... your past routine is basically the exact tale of my life the last 3 years or so. I have some close friends that I am talking to about my decision. One of them I am going to give all of my alcohol too. Maybe I'll fill my bar with water bottles or something... haven't decided... but the liquor will be gone. I am worried about a recovery program because of work... :/ how soon did you get out and start doing stuff? any suggestions or examples?

jendler69

Thanks BB. That all helps immensely. I would rather remember how it felt when its all over. I know the feeling I had from getting off hard drugs still haunts me and is probably why I managed to stay off of them in those early years.

My friend is going to take all of my alcohol from the bar. I am going to stock my fridge with juice and water and food and take the first few days off from work... stock up on movies and games to play (though I am sure I won't feel like playing them)... I know I can do this...

jendler69

Does anyone have any foods or nutrients they recommend for the first few days? :/

2muchpain

The many times I tried to get sober in the past, I just continued in my old routine; go to work, go home and watch TV. Now I'm not drinking, but bored, so went back to drinking. I eventually started going to AA meetings and going to the gym. That worked better, but still didn't remain sober for long. Now, I still do those things (meetings, gym), but have included some fun things along with it. I didn't do much the first few weeks except deal with the withdrawals (sleep, eat and drink water). Took another week to get back in the gym and do other stuff, like going to the movies, a ballgame, kayaking, anything that would make being sober worthwhile. Otherwise, why bother. I have to have REASONS to stay sober, other than just not drinking. I'm still pretty new at this sobriety thing (again), but so far so good. John

Bmac

Welcome Jendler. I can appreciate all the "unknowns" that you have about a life of sobriety. Just curious though, have you thought about what your life will be like if you continue drinking? Are the unknowns of a life sober a better option than the definite progression into alcoholic misery, that everyone here can attest to, should you choose to continue?