rickyr

I'm an alcoholic.

I don't drink everyday but when I drink I don't stop.

My partner was at work yesterday. I was at home, off work and sick. Our son was at his grandparents for the weekend. With nothing to do, I thought it'd be a good idea to go to the shops and buy some whisky. I drank it all and blacked out in my own home. It wasn't social, it was fundamentally pointless - but I wanted to drink.

I've promised my partner a thousand times I'd quit. I've given her my bank cards to reassure her while she's at work. I still managed to get the cash to enable my drinking.

I woke up this morning with no idea what had happened. My last memory is me being on the computer. My partner had blocked my phone calls. I have no idea what I was saying to her. I looked on my missed calls and there was nothing to indicate she had rang or I rang her in my drunken stupidity. I have no idea what happened. After a thousand broken promises and lies I think this might be it - and I wouldn't blame her. She's supported me through thick and thin but I think this was the last straw. We're supposed to be getting married this year and I've messed up, again.

I'm 26 now. I've drank since I was 16. Never been able to control it. Once i have one, I want more. I've been lying to my partner about my drinking. I've hidden beer and kept up the pretence of being sober.

I've been to my GP and they have referred me to the alcohol support team. I've got another appointment in two weeks. I went about 2 months ago. I'm desperate for anything which will deter me from drinking as I lack willpower. I know within a week or two I'll want to drink again even though I can't.

I love my life. I love my family - but I keep hitting self-destruct. I can't help myself. I just hope today, when my partner comes home, she can forgive me and support me. If I lose everything - I'll do it for myself. I know it will be hard but for once i am determined. From this point onwards, I'm sober. A recovering alcoholic. I can't change what I've done before but I can remember them. I can remember all the times I've woke up hating myself and use them as motivation - I can change the future.

I hope this lasts longer than a few days this time. Day 1.

ScottFromWI

Welcome to SR a Ricky. You will find a lot of support and understanding here. Maybe you could also contact the alcohol support group that you mentioned now rather than in 2 weeks...they might also have some things you can do now that will help you along the way.

Anna

I hope you can accept that alcohol is no longer an option for you, ever. There is lots of support here, so keep posting.

TomTom75

Day 1 is good. Make a decision and get the support. Admit to others what youv'e said here. Good luck

IOAA2

Hi and welcome.
In this day and age there is a lot of help around.

Part of the “secrete” in recovery is we need to want to get/be sober for ourselves then the rest of the good things will follow.

BE WELL

Soberwolf

Welcome Ricky this is a great site for recovery youl find supoort here

resolute50

Welcome.
Come here often, use the site as a tool.
When you feel the urge to give in,come talk with us.
We've all been there.

PurpleKnight

Welcome to the Forum!!

LeeJane

Welcome to the forum.

I relate to the pointless drinking to black out alone. Horrible way to live.