So here's the thing I contacted him.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 46
So here's the thing I contacted him.
Since my exAB finished with me by text after I had given him everything my love, loyalty time energy I'm sure he felt so great the way I built him up!
Normally he kept his head down drank there so many times a week and it's a bikers bar!
They have amazing bands on dancing and on Thursdays even a topless barmaid lol
A great place for alcoholics
Even the owner of the venue, the manager and his wife all seemed to be alcoholics.
I always feel I'm a bit of a chameleon and would having an amazing time drinking about 5 whisky,s I've only ever been a social drinker!
After my gastric bypass before I met him I had lost 130 pounds and when I would walk in this bar with him with my newly blonded hair my exAB told me every guys head in that bar would turn around and look at me.
Now that is not enough for a guy to keep you let me tell you and he likes it how he likes it.
He can text you and ring you 25 times a day and he's crazy about you then once the novelty has worn off his problems superceed you he knows he's got you and backs off to concentrate on his problems.
Then you don't hear from him for 3 days and send a lovey dovey text and he answers it when he feels like it.
He backs off more and ignores you more!
Then he takes you out and gets in such a drunken trance in the bar that you are not even in the room to him but everyone else is
You look miserable and feel abandoned.
Then he stabs you more sleeps downstairs
Then the next morning talks to you like your a sex object despite all the loving moments you've had and him telling you he loved you haha
That was a lie although meant while intoxicated lol
Then he ignores you for 3 days then texts you to end it.
It's like someone has dropped a bomb on you!
The anxiety and pain never ends nothing will stop it not pills even.
It's like a breakdown
I went on Facebook messenger and told him to die and called him ever name and told him exactly what I thought of him
I told him 10 times to block me and he wouldn't and I couldn't stop with the abuse and then he blocked me and blocked his phone so I wouldn't text.
I told him I was crying every day and needed a hug but he never once came around.
He sent me a nice text before he blocked me and that was because I facebooked a pic of me twice the size and no man would have looked at me then.
So literally 2 months now I've been having a breakdown the pain the tears the depression, the obsession
He's no good for me I got addicted by his intermittent chicken actions and his addictive and powerful kiss of energy.
I thought there's got to be an underlying issue here
It can't be him all this breakdown and that he must be the catalyst of my inner problems and inner loneliness
I've had trouble even being attracted to other guys and found the ones on the dating site turn me off if they even indicate in the slightest they want sex.
I want to date yet everyone just seems to be having a sex fest these days
I want a man to earn a place in my bed.
Trust me all the believing in god in the world does not stop you from getting addicted to a man if they play intermittent chicken as before you turn around if you are not aware (They are in )
It's awareness that will save you at the end of the day!
In my case anyway awareness that he will not fulfill your needs,
He will not hold your hand or be there for you emotionally
You always need a back up plan in case she or he takes one of their turns.
If you want fun then the alcoholics your man but always have some extra money for a quick getaway.
I'm working on myself spiritually to uphold boundaries
No point in discussing behaviour with the alcoholic
They can't remember
We are inter expendable just objects to them
Don't forget that
If your going to play with one you might just well be a cyborg.
I honestly couldn't take the breakdowns anymore and contacted him by leaving a voice mail on my withheld number phone
That was 11.30 pm after going to the movies.
When I woke up this morning at 7 am he had rang me twice and text 10 times.
I text back at 7am and he answered
I was surprised he was texting back at 7am as he started texting and ringing at 3.30am so he should have already fell asleep in his drunken stooper by 5am and still being awake at 7am means he's drinking more and for longer
He has his own party's all by himself if noones around playing guitar drinking singing you name it and never mind the neighbours.
I used to stay at his house Friday nite to Monday morning partying with him and he decided he'd rather be alone than a woman (Me) put him on the spot by saying why did you not text me back ?
To him this is intense behaviour lol
He shuts up shop emotionally you can not expect anything.
So at 7 am when we exchanged texts he asked how Iam and I said amazing that is a total lie.
He said he's seen an amazing band tonight and he wanted to see me to put the record straight ( Now we all know that's an excuse for he's lonely horny not seen another woman, he told me I sounded sexy on my message)
As if he wanted to discuss it that is BS
He didn't give a damn before.
He said he's coming to pick me up when his breaks are fixed that's on his van
I said what NOW ?
He said No you nut job later
I thought yeah right you've not even been to bed yet!
I said when you're breaks are fixed and we both have free time I would see him then!
After hurting me I neither love knor care for this man
I miss him does that make ANY sense.
I opened up to him
Does that give him power over me. ?
I can't tell anyone I'm talking to him
I have no expectations of him
Even replying to texts
Maybe he won't ever text
I'm not texting him
I can't ever stay over as people would wonder where Iam
If I saw him and I mean if it ever came about
It would be a taxi home and no one could ever know.
The amount of upset I couldn't possibly let my family see me so upset and continually breaking down.
For now the tears have stopped.
Normally he kept his head down drank there so many times a week and it's a bikers bar!
They have amazing bands on dancing and on Thursdays even a topless barmaid lol
A great place for alcoholics
Even the owner of the venue, the manager and his wife all seemed to be alcoholics.
I always feel I'm a bit of a chameleon and would having an amazing time drinking about 5 whisky,s I've only ever been a social drinker!
After my gastric bypass before I met him I had lost 130 pounds and when I would walk in this bar with him with my newly blonded hair my exAB told me every guys head in that bar would turn around and look at me.
Now that is not enough for a guy to keep you let me tell you and he likes it how he likes it.
He can text you and ring you 25 times a day and he's crazy about you then once the novelty has worn off his problems superceed you he knows he's got you and backs off to concentrate on his problems.
Then you don't hear from him for 3 days and send a lovey dovey text and he answers it when he feels like it.
He backs off more and ignores you more!
Then he takes you out and gets in such a drunken trance in the bar that you are not even in the room to him but everyone else is
You look miserable and feel abandoned.
Then he stabs you more sleeps downstairs
Then the next morning talks to you like your a sex object despite all the loving moments you've had and him telling you he loved you haha
That was a lie although meant while intoxicated lol
Then he ignores you for 3 days then texts you to end it.
It's like someone has dropped a bomb on you!
The anxiety and pain never ends nothing will stop it not pills even.
It's like a breakdown
I went on Facebook messenger and told him to die and called him ever name and told him exactly what I thought of him
I told him 10 times to block me and he wouldn't and I couldn't stop with the abuse and then he blocked me and blocked his phone so I wouldn't text.
I told him I was crying every day and needed a hug but he never once came around.
He sent me a nice text before he blocked me and that was because I facebooked a pic of me twice the size and no man would have looked at me then.
So literally 2 months now I've been having a breakdown the pain the tears the depression, the obsession
He's no good for me I got addicted by his intermittent chicken actions and his addictive and powerful kiss of energy.
I thought there's got to be an underlying issue here
It can't be him all this breakdown and that he must be the catalyst of my inner problems and inner loneliness
I've had trouble even being attracted to other guys and found the ones on the dating site turn me off if they even indicate in the slightest they want sex.
I want to date yet everyone just seems to be having a sex fest these days
I want a man to earn a place in my bed.
Trust me all the believing in god in the world does not stop you from getting addicted to a man if they play intermittent chicken as before you turn around if you are not aware (They are in )
It's awareness that will save you at the end of the day!
In my case anyway awareness that he will not fulfill your needs,
He will not hold your hand or be there for you emotionally
You always need a back up plan in case she or he takes one of their turns.
If you want fun then the alcoholics your man but always have some extra money for a quick getaway.
I'm working on myself spiritually to uphold boundaries
No point in discussing behaviour with the alcoholic
They can't remember
We are inter expendable just objects to them
Don't forget that
If your going to play with one you might just well be a cyborg.
I honestly couldn't take the breakdowns anymore and contacted him by leaving a voice mail on my withheld number phone
That was 11.30 pm after going to the movies.
When I woke up this morning at 7 am he had rang me twice and text 10 times.
I text back at 7am and he answered
I was surprised he was texting back at 7am as he started texting and ringing at 3.30am so he should have already fell asleep in his drunken stooper by 5am and still being awake at 7am means he's drinking more and for longer
He has his own party's all by himself if noones around playing guitar drinking singing you name it and never mind the neighbours.
I used to stay at his house Friday nite to Monday morning partying with him and he decided he'd rather be alone than a woman (Me) put him on the spot by saying why did you not text me back ?
To him this is intense behaviour lol
He shuts up shop emotionally you can not expect anything.
So at 7 am when we exchanged texts he asked how Iam and I said amazing that is a total lie.
He said he's seen an amazing band tonight and he wanted to see me to put the record straight ( Now we all know that's an excuse for he's lonely horny not seen another woman, he told me I sounded sexy on my message)
As if he wanted to discuss it that is BS
He didn't give a damn before.
He said he's coming to pick me up when his breaks are fixed that's on his van
I said what NOW ?
He said No you nut job later
I thought yeah right you've not even been to bed yet!
I said when you're breaks are fixed and we both have free time I would see him then!
After hurting me I neither love knor care for this man
I miss him does that make ANY sense.
I opened up to him
Does that give him power over me. ?
I can't tell anyone I'm talking to him
I have no expectations of him
Even replying to texts
Maybe he won't ever text
I'm not texting him
I can't ever stay over as people would wonder where Iam
If I saw him and I mean if it ever came about
It would be a taxi home and no one could ever know.
The amount of upset I couldn't possibly let my family see me so upset and continually breaking down.
For now the tears have stopped.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Hello Eye,
You sound a bit worked up in your post. Understandable as you poked and got a response.
We get addicted to this push away then being placed back in their presence.
The article I am posting below is deep and very dense. But evey time I read it I find wisdom. If you want to be with this person, don't be secretive about it. Live your choice openly. Because the secret thing is part of the high....
DO YOU LOVE TO BE NEEDED, OR NEED TO BE LOVED?
You sound a bit worked up in your post. Understandable as you poked and got a response.
We get addicted to this push away then being placed back in their presence.
The article I am posting below is deep and very dense. But evey time I read it I find wisdom. If you want to be with this person, don't be secretive about it. Live your choice openly. Because the secret thing is part of the high....
DO YOU LOVE TO BE NEEDED, OR NEED TO BE LOVED?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 14
Keep working on YOU so you aren't attracted to losers like him. You deserve so much more so keep on walking and don't look back - he can't love anyone - it's not you.
I think we have to learn to like ourselves before we can get in a healthy relationship. I think you realize that. A whole new life will open up if YOU want it. I think you do. Love YOURSELF.
And CONGRATULATIONS on losing so much weight!
I think we have to learn to like ourselves before we can get in a healthy relationship. I think you realize that. A whole new life will open up if YOU want it. I think you do. Love YOURSELF.
And CONGRATULATIONS on losing so much weight!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 46
Code job I have added that article to my home page and started reading and it's true
Even though my parents love me dearly I have never felt love only their abandonment when I was contantly left with others
I was needy and they couldn't be their for me
It's took me years to actually learn to give them a hug and kiss and even then I don't give them a true proper kiss and hug
I guess they think I'm quite cold
Thanks for the article
The relationship I was in has ended and any loose friendship with this guy would have to be in secret. He is not and never will be relationship material
If it helps me to unattach from him to stop my having daily breakdowns and keep him at arms lengh then I will do this for my own good.
Talk to him if he ever texts
I did feel a part fulfilled when he needed me
When I needed him he was not there
Horrible to say that if possible will be friends with him if he wants and he is right down my list
I'm trying to make new friends and meet new people
Miserable 56 you are right I do love myself and having no relationship for over 10 years I had to learn everything over again
We all deserve better and must respect ourselves first and be very very strong
If something can help us learn something it is not a bad thing as long as it is not hurting us
I no longer love or care about this man but I love and care about me
He frustrated me a great deal
I was in so much pain at least we have made peace
If he tries to suck me in there is no way that is happening as I can not stay at his home if my kids found out they would go berserk after me having a 2 month breakdown
I've learned my lesson to keep my mouth shut
It hurt my kids to see me so hurt
It may never happen but if I was to meet him I would be home before anyone would notice Id even gone for more than a nite out.
Cold turkey with him has been hell
I think my tears are underlying depression
I think if I have a bit of this in my life and a bit of that it might be therapeutic
I wish I'd never got involved with the alco in the first place
But he drove me crazy till he got me then said I'm too intense
Truth is love yourself love your family the rest is just to pass the time.
Even though my parents love me dearly I have never felt love only their abandonment when I was contantly left with others
I was needy and they couldn't be their for me
It's took me years to actually learn to give them a hug and kiss and even then I don't give them a true proper kiss and hug
I guess they think I'm quite cold
Thanks for the article
The relationship I was in has ended and any loose friendship with this guy would have to be in secret. He is not and never will be relationship material
If it helps me to unattach from him to stop my having daily breakdowns and keep him at arms lengh then I will do this for my own good.
Talk to him if he ever texts
I did feel a part fulfilled when he needed me
When I needed him he was not there
Horrible to say that if possible will be friends with him if he wants and he is right down my list
I'm trying to make new friends and meet new people
Miserable 56 you are right I do love myself and having no relationship for over 10 years I had to learn everything over again
We all deserve better and must respect ourselves first and be very very strong
If something can help us learn something it is not a bad thing as long as it is not hurting us
I no longer love or care about this man but I love and care about me
He frustrated me a great deal
I was in so much pain at least we have made peace
If he tries to suck me in there is no way that is happening as I can not stay at his home if my kids found out they would go berserk after me having a 2 month breakdown
I've learned my lesson to keep my mouth shut
It hurt my kids to see me so hurt
It may never happen but if I was to meet him I would be home before anyone would notice Id even gone for more than a nite out.
Cold turkey with him has been hell
I think my tears are underlying depression
I think if I have a bit of this in my life and a bit of that it might be therapeutic
I wish I'd never got involved with the alco in the first place
But he drove me crazy till he got me then said I'm too intense
Truth is love yourself love your family the rest is just to pass the time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 46
I've been with him
He said I sounded sexy on my phone message
I'd not seen him 2 months
I had a new month breakdown since he ended it thinking It had got a little too serious
So now I said I just want to be your friend and he said I really wanted to get in bed with him and not to lie
Then within 24 hours I was in his bed
He looked after me so well doing numerous very caring things he went out of his way to do!
Now all the attention is on me again
Texts / compliments attention
Now we know how this works right
Even though I told him I'm not being his girlfriend as I'm afraid I will get serious with him again I'm already feeling it in my stomach
This guy is an alcoholic he's not capable of loving me
He had no emotional attachment except to the bottle
How do I turn my emotional tap off so we can enjoy each other's company till he goes off the rails and dumps me again
He has all the power
Doesn't feel the pain
It seems all of us here want our partners till they've had every ounce of love out of us
We know it's our own fault as we couldn't get away and even tried for months and still obsessing
We know he will commit some crime against us and momentarily the pain is gone
We know one day we will have to be alone when he finally leaves us properly
I'm trying to make a life so I don't see him hardly
He's still got power over my emotions
It doesn't matter what work I do on myself
I'm crazy about this guy
We know these guys are unpredictable They know they've got us
I didn't find another guy in the 2 months apart
He's 53 but looks 38 he's gorgeous sexy very talented
I'm embarrassed to say I'm hooked again
We always will come back here and complain though yeh right
Omg the anxiety the tears the breakdown
Honestly I was in so much pain 2 months for gods sake
I couldn't take anymore nothing would take it away
Now seeing him in secret in future as free people seeing me have a breakdown they wouldn't want me to see him
I just want to be able to handle my emotions so I'm detached
The book co dependant no more has not arrived yet
If it ends badly and he goes off me I will have to go to al anon but I would have a breakdown
I think I have underlying depression and anxiety and relying on him to make me feel better
Nothing medical has ever worked to relieve this
I think exercising might raise my endorphin if I could stop being so lazy
When I'm seeing him I feel normal
I have energy and zest for life Im worried how I'm going to put myself back together when he's bored of me again
Currently he's probably enjoying the chase
I know I can't get away so I at least need some coping skills so I don't lose the plot when he hurts me
I wish I could believe in him
He's an alcoholic
He said I sounded sexy on my phone message
I'd not seen him 2 months
I had a new month breakdown since he ended it thinking It had got a little too serious
So now I said I just want to be your friend and he said I really wanted to get in bed with him and not to lie
Then within 24 hours I was in his bed
He looked after me so well doing numerous very caring things he went out of his way to do!
Now all the attention is on me again
Texts / compliments attention
Now we know how this works right
Even though I told him I'm not being his girlfriend as I'm afraid I will get serious with him again I'm already feeling it in my stomach
This guy is an alcoholic he's not capable of loving me
He had no emotional attachment except to the bottle
How do I turn my emotional tap off so we can enjoy each other's company till he goes off the rails and dumps me again
He has all the power
Doesn't feel the pain
It seems all of us here want our partners till they've had every ounce of love out of us
We know it's our own fault as we couldn't get away and even tried for months and still obsessing
We know he will commit some crime against us and momentarily the pain is gone
We know one day we will have to be alone when he finally leaves us properly
I'm trying to make a life so I don't see him hardly
He's still got power over my emotions
It doesn't matter what work I do on myself
I'm crazy about this guy
We know these guys are unpredictable They know they've got us
I didn't find another guy in the 2 months apart
He's 53 but looks 38 he's gorgeous sexy very talented
I'm embarrassed to say I'm hooked again
We always will come back here and complain though yeh right
Omg the anxiety the tears the breakdown
Honestly I was in so much pain 2 months for gods sake
I couldn't take anymore nothing would take it away
Now seeing him in secret in future as free people seeing me have a breakdown they wouldn't want me to see him
I just want to be able to handle my emotions so I'm detached
The book co dependant no more has not arrived yet
If it ends badly and he goes off me I will have to go to al anon but I would have a breakdown
I think I have underlying depression and anxiety and relying on him to make me feel better
Nothing medical has ever worked to relieve this
I think exercising might raise my endorphin if I could stop being so lazy
When I'm seeing him I feel normal
I have energy and zest for life Im worried how I'm going to put myself back together when he's bored of me again
Currently he's probably enjoying the chase
I know I can't get away so I at least need some coping skills so I don't lose the plot when he hurts me
I wish I could believe in him
He's an alcoholic
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 46
The thing is
I do like myself I do love myself
I've done tons of inner work I believe in higher power
Yet I want to kiss this guy and see him now and again
I feel I will be better when I have some friends to go out with as I don't much as I stayed in a lot till I lost the 130 pound in weight when I had the gastric bypass
Although I wanted to get thin and look amazing
The fat kept me away from guys huh and then I didn't get guys that just want me to use me
I've got all the self help books relationship courses you name it
I think one day I will have an amazing guy who really adores me more than this dork ever could
He's not capable of being a boyfriend a husband and giving me a hug when I need one
Yet this wonderful guy when I'm ready will be waiting for me round the corner
I just feel it
Yet I know no guy will ever do it for me like the alcoholic
The chemistry with us is magnetic
Yet he can just let it go when ever and not be worried.
I do like myself I do love myself
I've done tons of inner work I believe in higher power
Yet I want to kiss this guy and see him now and again
I feel I will be better when I have some friends to go out with as I don't much as I stayed in a lot till I lost the 130 pound in weight when I had the gastric bypass
Although I wanted to get thin and look amazing
The fat kept me away from guys huh and then I didn't get guys that just want me to use me
I've got all the self help books relationship courses you name it
I think one day I will have an amazing guy who really adores me more than this dork ever could
He's not capable of being a boyfriend a husband and giving me a hug when I need one
Yet this wonderful guy when I'm ready will be waiting for me round the corner
I just feel it
Yet I know no guy will ever do it for me like the alcoholic
The chemistry with us is magnetic
Yet he can just let it go when ever and not be worried.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 254
Originally Posted by eyeoftheholder 
The book co dependant no more has not arrived yet
If it ends badly and he goes off me I will have to go to al anon but I would have a breakdown
I think I have underlying depression and anxiety and relying on him to make me feel better
....
He's an alcoholic
If it ends badly and he goes off me I will have to go to al anon but I would have a breakdown
I think I have underlying depression and anxiety and relying on him to make me feel better
....
He's an alcoholic
I'm glad you're getting that book! I hope you find a lot of wisdom in it.
I hear you saying if things don't work out for you and this man, you would have to go to Al-Anon. May I suggest you go to Al-Anon anyway, whatever happens with this relationship. If you're open to the idea of recovery, and you seem to be familiar with a lot of the basics of it already, then you know in your heart that you can't put so much of your emotional survival in someone else's hands... especially someone who has to concentrate on their own recovery in order to be a reliable partner themselves.
Good luck to you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 46
I went back with him it's been a couple months now !
I don't chase him I leave him be!
He's on a bender as no work this week so he tried to finish it for my sake!
Now I'm having to put up with neglect tears and alone less!
I've been building a life quietly!
Tonight I see a new guy!
God give me strengh to get away from this alcoholic man!
I don't chase him I leave him be!
He's on a bender as no work this week so he tried to finish it for my sake!
Now I'm having to put up with neglect tears and alone less!
I've been building a life quietly!
Tonight I see a new guy!
God give me strengh to get away from this alcoholic man!
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: uk
Posts: 368
Have you ever thought about seeing a therapist? You mentioned several times that you had had multiple breakdowns and would have more if things didn't work out. You know they won't but you still go back to him. A therapist might be able to help you work out why and to work out how to not have frequent breakdowns.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Another Earth
Posts: 172
Yet I know no guy will ever do it for me like the alcoholic
The chemistry with us is magnetic
Yet he can just let it go when ever and not be worried.
That 'chemistry' is your own addiction to him, and believe me, I understand what that feels like. I spent way too many years hanging on to my ex due, in part, to that feeling...we had such a sexual connection (or so I then thought), he needed me, etc. Now I see it for the toxic connection it really was, on BOTH parts. It is unhealthy and you have to come to believe you are worth more than this.
The chemistry with us is magnetic
Yet he can just let it go when ever and not be worried.
That 'chemistry' is your own addiction to him, and believe me, I understand what that feels like. I spent way too many years hanging on to my ex due, in part, to that feeling...we had such a sexual connection (or so I then thought), he needed me, etc. Now I see it for the toxic connection it really was, on BOTH parts. It is unhealthy and you have to come to believe you are worth more than this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 46
I'm addicted to sleeping with him and his cuddles!
It's got me in the addicted centre of myself!
My core!
He would let me go so he doesn't take me under with him!
He knows he's a fool! He even thinks I wouldnt like him if he was normal and he said I like his danger!
I don't really want to be free of him he's never aggressive or violent!
I want him to want only me!
He doesn't need me that's the thing!
I'm building a life to save myself so I will have a crutch!
I don't know what else to do!
I have a new guy who adores me! Not alcoholic but no job!
Where do I find these guys duh!
It's got me in the addicted centre of myself!
My core!
He would let me go so he doesn't take me under with him!
He knows he's a fool! He even thinks I wouldnt like him if he was normal and he said I like his danger!
I don't really want to be free of him he's never aggressive or violent!
I want him to want only me!
He doesn't need me that's the thing!
I'm building a life to save myself so I will have a crutch!
I don't know what else to do!
I have a new guy who adores me! Not alcoholic but no job!
Where do I find these guys duh!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 46
I got rid of the new guy
I'm still with my guy
I noticed when he's drunk he makes remarks to see my reaction and I show nothing!
I know this is alcoholic narcisism
I think he's trying to make me jealous to control my emotions
This sends people psycho
I'm keeping poker face
He's starting to take notice of a young slutty looking woman in his drinking hole
I can't let this affect me
I'm going to learn about Buddhism so when I see him in 2 weeks he's working away! I will not feel jealous and if I'm not reactive and they go together I will show no emotion!
I will be detached!
All you people know that to be a codependant how deep we love our alcoholics from our very centre and can cry we love them so much
The only way is being non reactive
So off to study the book!
I'm still with my guy
I noticed when he's drunk he makes remarks to see my reaction and I show nothing!
I know this is alcoholic narcisism
I think he's trying to make me jealous to control my emotions
This sends people psycho
I'm keeping poker face
He's starting to take notice of a young slutty looking woman in his drinking hole
I can't let this affect me
I'm going to learn about Buddhism so when I see him in 2 weeks he's working away! I will not feel jealous and if I'm not reactive and they go together I will show no emotion!
I will be detached!
All you people know that to be a codependant how deep we love our alcoholics from our very centre and can cry we love them so much
The only way is being non reactive
So off to study the book!
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 165
The first step in saving a drowning person is to get them out of the water. As long as you are with a man of this off the charts toxicity level, you are in the water. No book, no group, no therapist will be enough. When dealing with someone this mentally and emotionally abusive, detaching is a tool to save your sanity enough to think clearly and how you can rebuild your life.
It's not about being simply non-reactive to something that they are or aren't doing, it's being appropriately responsive to your own needs. It is not meant to be a lifestyle or tool of manipulation or a "see I can be just like you and not care" kinda thing.
You got rid of new guy, he's checking out another girl. What relationship is here? Yes, Codie's know how much they "love " their A. But to be Codie means that love is coming from a damaged core. Knowing that helps us begin the healing process not settle into the mess because your Codie and that's just how it is.
I say this with all of the love that I can. My dear, you are not well. You are in grave danger each hour you spend in this relationship. Your mental and emotional health will deteriorate to a point that is frightening. You must step away if there is any chance for you to be truly happy in this life. Good luck.
It's not about being simply non-reactive to something that they are or aren't doing, it's being appropriately responsive to your own needs. It is not meant to be a lifestyle or tool of manipulation or a "see I can be just like you and not care" kinda thing.
You got rid of new guy, he's checking out another girl. What relationship is here? Yes, Codie's know how much they "love " their A. But to be Codie means that love is coming from a damaged core. Knowing that helps us begin the healing process not settle into the mess because your Codie and that's just how it is.
I say this with all of the love that I can. My dear, you are not well. You are in grave danger each hour you spend in this relationship. Your mental and emotional health will deteriorate to a point that is frightening. You must step away if there is any chance for you to be truly happy in this life. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: May 2015
Location: New York
Posts: 165
Oh, and I've studied Buddhist philosophy extensively. Enlightenment is a process. 2 weeks will not turn you into a monk. It's just a start. Might I suggest SMART Recovery or Rational Recovery. They work along the lines of cognitive behavioral therapy. You learn to hear your addictive voice that keeps dragging you back. You break down the thought process that leads you into thinking that this is healthy. Just a suggestion
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
What I used to call love was actually fear of being alone. Nothing you've described here sounds like love. You're studying Buddhism so that you can maintain a better poker face when he is manipulating you emotionally and intentionally inflicting hurt and indignity on you? Really?
There is real help available if you reach for it. You deserve better.
There is real help available if you reach for it. You deserve better.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
buddhism is not what you need here and is not intended for the purposes you hope to achieve. buddhism is not a parlor trick, nor a handy "how to act like being in this toxic mess is just fine" tool. nor is it somethink you pick up in two weeks time.
try ear plugs.
and why is it when these no class horn dog men dare to look at another women, they are classified as sluts and wh0res?
try ear plugs.
and why is it when these no class horn dog men dare to look at another women, they are classified as sluts and wh0res?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: My Happy Place
Posts: 700
You have some serious issues at play here.
I was also wondering the same thing as Anvil, a lot of posters on here are quick to jump all over these other women and say some pretty nasty things about them.
Guess it goes along with the saying 'hurt people hurt people.'
Spend some time on what is wrong in your life that is keeping you from moving on from this man and don't judge others so harshly.
You can only fix you.
ps,
I also agree that Buddhism is not something you commit to on a whim to learn to make your life with an alcoholic more pleasant.
I was also wondering the same thing as Anvil, a lot of posters on here are quick to jump all over these other women and say some pretty nasty things about them.
Guess it goes along with the saying 'hurt people hurt people.'
Spend some time on what is wrong in your life that is keeping you from moving on from this man and don't judge others so harshly.
You can only fix you.
ps,
I also agree that Buddhism is not something you commit to on a whim to learn to make your life with an alcoholic more pleasant.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Can I ask what is the point of all this showing no emotion and not reacting? Are you hoping to detach your way into changing how he behaves? That doesn't sound like a great way to live. In the meantime, attaching yourself to this man just keeps you from being available when someone who doesn't have all these issues comes along.
I consider detachment a short-term plan for living with someone who is active in addiction, not a long-term strategy for getting what I want.
If it just sex that is driving you to stay with this person who treats you do disrespectfully then I think you can do better on your own!
I consider detachment a short-term plan for living with someone who is active in addiction, not a long-term strategy for getting what I want.
If it just sex that is driving you to stay with this person who treats you do disrespectfully then I think you can do better on your own!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: West Coast
Posts: 774
If the point of showing no emotion is some way to up the game, then won't the heart be forgotten? And if the heart is forgotten, then what is the point of the relationship anyway?
There are more fish...
There are more fish...
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