My Alcoholic Week
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
My Alcoholic Week
This does not have to be you any longer. *Ring Ring* you can be free! I am and I live grateful each day. This was my hell.
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Monday.... From first I open my eyes I can tell I am still drunk from the weekend. Lean over to drink water I left beside my bed from Friday in hopes that a few sips will hydrate me into sobriety. Get to work woozy and try to be invisible. Look no one in the eye for fear they can tell. The day long.
Tuesday.... Getting ready for work I feel proud of myself because I only had 10 shots last night and can still remember what I had for dinner. Tell myself things are really starting to improve.
Wednesday... I am able to greet my boss at my desk and look up confident I can answer any questions with a clear head. My energy returns a bit. My stomach still in knots from the past weekends exploits. Memories still fuzzy. Guilt and shame are starting to subside until I geta flashback. I cringe. On my way home from work I tell myself I will not drink tonight. Just go get some ice cream and relax. I arrive at the bar by 5:30pm.
Thursday... Forgetting its Thursday and not Friday I wake excited for my weekend.... Until I remember what day it is. Trying to remind myself of the distant past of the weekend before. Guilt and shame seem far away as the time to Friday counts down. At work I am energetic and fun to be around. A stark difference from Monday. People say I must be in a really good mood. No.... Just the weekend is coming. TGIF...
Friday... I jump outta bed. Try and scheme a reason to leave work early. I have a million stories and reasons. A friend of a friend died and have to go to the wake. Need to help a friend with car trouble. Stomach flu. I arrive at the bar by 3pm. Walk down the bar greeting each of the regulars until I get to my bar stool waiting patiently for me. Beer and rocks glass of voldka already at my station.
Saturday... Come too to find my front door still wide open from the night before. I do an inventory check. Cats... TV.... Try to find my wallet and keys. Look in my wallet to see what I don't have in there and check the receipt from the bar to know what time I got home. Say to myself I am never doing that again. I will not drink today. And I believe myself.
Sunday... Come too as the bright sunny day shines through on my face. I turn over to protest. I try to do a weeks worth of chores in a few hours taking breaks because I have the alcoholic flop sweat and my heart is racing. The wallet routine complete I figure I got a good nights sleep all things considering. I will not drink today. And I believe myself.
Monday.... From first I open my eyes I can tell I am still drunk.......
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Monday.... From first I open my eyes I can tell I am still drunk from the weekend. Lean over to drink water I left beside my bed from Friday in hopes that a few sips will hydrate me into sobriety. Get to work woozy and try to be invisible. Look no one in the eye for fear they can tell. The day long.
Tuesday.... Getting ready for work I feel proud of myself because I only had 10 shots last night and can still remember what I had for dinner. Tell myself things are really starting to improve.
Wednesday... I am able to greet my boss at my desk and look up confident I can answer any questions with a clear head. My energy returns a bit. My stomach still in knots from the past weekends exploits. Memories still fuzzy. Guilt and shame are starting to subside until I geta flashback. I cringe. On my way home from work I tell myself I will not drink tonight. Just go get some ice cream and relax. I arrive at the bar by 5:30pm.
Thursday... Forgetting its Thursday and not Friday I wake excited for my weekend.... Until I remember what day it is. Trying to remind myself of the distant past of the weekend before. Guilt and shame seem far away as the time to Friday counts down. At work I am energetic and fun to be around. A stark difference from Monday. People say I must be in a really good mood. No.... Just the weekend is coming. TGIF...
Friday... I jump outta bed. Try and scheme a reason to leave work early. I have a million stories and reasons. A friend of a friend died and have to go to the wake. Need to help a friend with car trouble. Stomach flu. I arrive at the bar by 3pm. Walk down the bar greeting each of the regulars until I get to my bar stool waiting patiently for me. Beer and rocks glass of voldka already at my station.
Saturday... Come too to find my front door still wide open from the night before. I do an inventory check. Cats... TV.... Try to find my wallet and keys. Look in my wallet to see what I don't have in there and check the receipt from the bar to know what time I got home. Say to myself I am never doing that again. I will not drink today. And I believe myself.
Sunday... Come too as the bright sunny day shines through on my face. I turn over to protest. I try to do a weeks worth of chores in a few hours taking breaks because I have the alcoholic flop sweat and my heart is racing. The wallet routine complete I figure I got a good nights sleep all things considering. I will not drink today. And I believe myself.
Monday.... From first I open my eyes I can tell I am still drunk.......
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
K ,
i seem to remember a 23'rd of aug ? nov ? being especially bad for you too, a few years back, sitting at your desk typing to me about how you were still drunk and on a comedown , shaking … how you've changed and grown since has been great to watch .
I know there has been a lot of pain and a lot of change for you , i'm glad we're both here to ring the bell of freedom for people ..
m
i seem to remember a 23'rd of aug ? nov ? being especially bad for you too, a few years back, sitting at your desk typing to me about how you were still drunk and on a comedown , shaking … how you've changed and grown since has been great to watch .
I know there has been a lot of pain and a lot of change for you , i'm glad we're both here to ring the bell of freedom for people ..
m
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Thanks M... It was July 27th 2012. You were by my side as I had a complete breakdown. I remember because I think 727 the plane. LOL.
What a very different time that was. I have grown. I am very emotional this morning. Not in a bad way just a nostalgic kind of way.
Thank you my good friend for being there for me.
What a very different time that was. I have grown. I am very emotional this morning. Not in a bad way just a nostalgic kind of way.
Thank you my good friend for being there for me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: against the grain
Posts: 746
Wow, that was kinda intense for me to read. The line that really brought back memories was, "I will not drink today. And I believe myself." I did and felt this every day for so many years. I quit every morning and I really believed it, truly. Wow, this is it, I'd think, I'm really done, it's so different this time. . . Until around 5:00, then I'd be drinking again, regardless the day of the week. Find myself hammered, regardless of how early I had to get up to work. Then I'd wake up. Ahhhh. . . I'm done, this is really it, no way I'm drinking tonight. It's different this time. . Drinking again. Years in this pattern. Dang. Thanks for the reminder, weasel. Good post.
-Malcolm
Onward!
-Malcolm
Onward!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 2,459
I wish I knew about SR on 7-27-2012. That was the day I was told my mom needed to go into hospice. The date is seared in my brain. Went on a huge bender that night.
Thanks for the descriptive story Weasel. You have a knack for writing!
Thanks for the descriptive story Weasel. You have a knack for writing!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Northern Ireland
Posts: 290
Originally Posted by mecanix 
K ,
i seem to remember a 23'rd of aug ? nov ? being especially bad for you too, a few years back, sitting at your desk typing to me about how you were still drunk and on a comedown , shaking … how you've changed and grown since has been great to watch .
I know there has been a lot of pain and a lot of change for you , i'm glad we're both here to ring the bell of freedom for people ..
m
i seem to remember a 23'rd of aug ? nov ? being especially bad for you too, a few years back, sitting at your desk typing to me about how you were still drunk and on a comedown , shaking … how you've changed and grown since has been great to watch .
I know there has been a lot of pain and a lot of change for you , i'm glad we're both here to ring the bell of freedom for people ..
m
Originally Posted by Weasel1966
Thanks M... It was July 27th 2012. You were by my side as I had a complete breakdown. I remember because I think 727 the plane. LOL.
What a very different time that was. I have grown. I am very emotional this morning. Not in a bad way just a nostalgic kind of way.
Thank you my good friend for being there for me.
What a very different time that was. I have grown. I am very emotional this morning. Not in a bad way just a nostalgic kind of way.
Thank you my good friend for being there for me.
Very powerful stuff guys, reading it completely stopped me in my tracks.
Thank you so much!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Domhan
Posts: 1,974
Thanks K. I found this to be a very powerful and poignant post. Seneca said "Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness." Your post is making me consider my years of voluntary madness.
I am very touched by the the description of the route out of this voluntary madness. The route towards sanity via honest self awareness, which I have found to be a simultaneously enlightening and painful journey.
I am also encouraged by how change is made possible by the support from others and am very touched by the words of Mecanix.
My best wishes to you both,
B
I am very touched by the the description of the route out of this voluntary madness. The route towards sanity via honest self awareness, which I have found to be a simultaneously enlightening and painful journey.
I am also encouraged by how change is made possible by the support from others and am very touched by the words of Mecanix.
My best wishes to you both,
B
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas
Posts: 1,736
Needed this more than you know. The AV chatter is amping up a bit so anything I can read that reminds me of my drunken past is helping to shut it up. Thank you for being here - walking this walk with you is an honor.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Johnson City, TN
Posts: 66
THANKS for this! Excellent post! Perfectly describes how I poisoned myself for 20+ years. I'm saving this. It's a perfect reminder of why I don't EVER want to go back to that kind of life. Reading it brings back so many horrible memories and feelings, and makes me SO thankful that I am sober today.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Awesome post, K!!!
Though my DOC was crack, my weeks were similar but different? On Monday I was going to quit, next thing I knew it was already Friday and the weekend - can't quit on a weekend!! Then it was Monday again.
Before I knew it, 2 years had passed
Different poison, similar stories, grateful for the recovery that we all share
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Though my DOC was crack, my weeks were similar but different? On Monday I was going to quit, next thing I knew it was already Friday and the weekend - can't quit on a weekend!! Then it was Monday again.
Before I knew it, 2 years had passed
Different poison, similar stories, grateful for the recovery that we all share
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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