My children parent me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 46
My children parent me.
Hello all
I have been co dependant since the age of 21
All the guys Ive ever loved have had afflictions to alcohol and mostly turned out to being abusive controlling and even violent the worse violent was my ex husband.
I went out with a narcissist who also had aspergers signs and did not drink and turned very cruel and controlling and I noticed a pattern of behaviour and 99% of these controlling men were either alcoholics or Ex alcoholics and it didnt click with me till recently what was going on and that I have co dependant behaviour.
I have a very sensible head indeed and I know right from wrong and the alcoholic of recent compared me to a headmistress and I barely even told him off about his behaviour.
His sister is a headmistress maybe thats why he doesnt talk to her or his mother.
Im beggining to realise this is not about these men at all but its about me.
Firstly I was willing to except bad behaviour due to my low esteem and having no boundaries
I allowed things to get out of hand because I didnt uhold boundaries
At times Ive been rather silly and my grown up kids have had to pick up the pieces and try to guide me and I wouldnt listen to them.
Ive learned my lesson now after 28 years and realise that the only unconditional love is with your family who want to protect you an nurture you and you them.
Yet if this happens in a co dependant relationship this is unhealthy as its not love as they got you addicted and prepared to do silly things and chase after them.
When you meet the alco its like everything feels amazing then they drag you under bit by bit.
This is not love its being controled devoured and them enjoying power over you as they cannot control themselves.
My next step on my journey is too learn detachment and to let go and let the universe deal with all the **** if its possible.
I have been co dependant since the age of 21
All the guys Ive ever loved have had afflictions to alcohol and mostly turned out to being abusive controlling and even violent the worse violent was my ex husband.
I went out with a narcissist who also had aspergers signs and did not drink and turned very cruel and controlling and I noticed a pattern of behaviour and 99% of these controlling men were either alcoholics or Ex alcoholics and it didnt click with me till recently what was going on and that I have co dependant behaviour.
I have a very sensible head indeed and I know right from wrong and the alcoholic of recent compared me to a headmistress and I barely even told him off about his behaviour.
His sister is a headmistress maybe thats why he doesnt talk to her or his mother.
Im beggining to realise this is not about these men at all but its about me.
Firstly I was willing to except bad behaviour due to my low esteem and having no boundaries
I allowed things to get out of hand because I didnt uhold boundaries
At times Ive been rather silly and my grown up kids have had to pick up the pieces and try to guide me and I wouldnt listen to them.
Ive learned my lesson now after 28 years and realise that the only unconditional love is with your family who want to protect you an nurture you and you them.
Yet if this happens in a co dependant relationship this is unhealthy as its not love as they got you addicted and prepared to do silly things and chase after them.
When you meet the alco its like everything feels amazing then they drag you under bit by bit.
This is not love its being controled devoured and them enjoying power over you as they cannot control themselves.
My next step on my journey is too learn detachment and to let go and let the universe deal with all the **** if its possible.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 154
Good for you for being so honest with yourself about what is really going on in the patterns of your relationships! I think you will find here a ton of support and many people who are in recovery for the same behaviors. Keep reading and posting: it gets better!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 46
Ive just had another breakthrough
I started on my path years ago studying how I got in dysfunctional relationships
Everytime I have a relationship it sidetracks me from the wisdom of the universe
I must have read all 3 versions of the celestine prophecy literally years ago.
Although I have a particulary bad memory and forget knowledge learned in books and while watching films.
Having all these dysfunctional relationships repeated on me time and time again has been like having the chicken pox.
How many times have I been cheated on, abused, beaten, raped and even drugged yes drugged without my knowledge with LSD
I had a near death experience and saw jesus in 2003
All this was not enough till I met a Narcissist and had never even heard of the word and the current exab from whom I have been having breakdowns every day and now I have had chicken pox full blown so you might say this is my metaphor lol.
I have developed immunity and looking for Detachment today I started looking at Budhism and shaminsm (I dont know how to use spell check) and looking for this detachment.
Then I found it Dr Wayne Dyer then I remembered hold on a minute I was already on this path but stopped due to the distraction of the relationship with the alcoholic.
I guess I had to breakdown to the limit to be able to except detachment.
Marianne wilson A return to love I must also read
Then I looked on my Iphone on my old Audible account and discovered I had already purchased Dr Dyers books
All 12 hours 4 mins of can see clearly now plus Wayne Dyers Divine love
I have not listened too or spiritual healing by Glenn harold
your energetic boundaries by cyndi Dale
plus 2 books I have listened to
The dance of the wounded soul by Robert burney (Codependance)
Homecoming by John Bradshaw
I obviously must have met the alcoholic as I didnt take in the information and didnt truly get it.
The pain came so I could acknowledge and accept and take responsibility for my wounds so now I have much learning to do to connect with my spiritual self and realise a boyfriend is an outside influence and cannot be controlled to stay with me.
I started on my path years ago studying how I got in dysfunctional relationships
Everytime I have a relationship it sidetracks me from the wisdom of the universe
I must have read all 3 versions of the celestine prophecy literally years ago.
Although I have a particulary bad memory and forget knowledge learned in books and while watching films.
Having all these dysfunctional relationships repeated on me time and time again has been like having the chicken pox.
How many times have I been cheated on, abused, beaten, raped and even drugged yes drugged without my knowledge with LSD
I had a near death experience and saw jesus in 2003
All this was not enough till I met a Narcissist and had never even heard of the word and the current exab from whom I have been having breakdowns every day and now I have had chicken pox full blown so you might say this is my metaphor lol.
I have developed immunity and looking for Detachment today I started looking at Budhism and shaminsm (I dont know how to use spell check) and looking for this detachment.
Then I found it Dr Wayne Dyer then I remembered hold on a minute I was already on this path but stopped due to the distraction of the relationship with the alcoholic.
I guess I had to breakdown to the limit to be able to except detachment.
Marianne wilson A return to love I must also read
Then I looked on my Iphone on my old Audible account and discovered I had already purchased Dr Dyers books
All 12 hours 4 mins of can see clearly now plus Wayne Dyers Divine love
I have not listened too or spiritual healing by Glenn harold
your energetic boundaries by cyndi Dale
plus 2 books I have listened to
The dance of the wounded soul by Robert burney (Codependance)
Homecoming by John Bradshaw
I obviously must have met the alcoholic as I didnt take in the information and didnt truly get it.
The pain came so I could acknowledge and accept and take responsibility for my wounds so now I have much learning to do to connect with my spiritual self and realise a boyfriend is an outside influence and cannot be controlled to stay with me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 46
something just occured to me
I just chose my Avatar and its a sunflower and I have the same picture in my bedroom and I bought that 12 years ago to remind me of my near death experience
when I saw Jesus and felt all the love and it was like he was glowing in a golen light like the sun so the sunflower reminds me.
Then it just occured to me the very strange name I chose for myself without thinking when I joined some weeks ago.
Eye of the holder
wow Jesus is with me after all I never really let the mutton head of an alcoholic in my soul. Jesus was there the whole time protecting me on my journey
Im looking forward to syncronicity this can be so fun and making friends.
I just chose my Avatar and its a sunflower and I have the same picture in my bedroom and I bought that 12 years ago to remind me of my near death experience
when I saw Jesus and felt all the love and it was like he was glowing in a golen light like the sun so the sunflower reminds me.
Then it just occured to me the very strange name I chose for myself without thinking when I joined some weeks ago.
Eye of the holder
wow Jesus is with me after all I never really let the mutton head of an alcoholic in my soul. Jesus was there the whole time protecting me on my journey
Im looking forward to syncronicity this can be so fun and making friends.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 46
I also don't think we are entirely to blame for getting ourselves mixed up with addicts because we probably got sucked in to their drama lies or sob stories or we thought they had empathy for us! Yeah right
You see I was tricked into this relationship he constantly bombarded me for my attention by calling and texting that much and expected answering straight away and once I was addicted if I ever texted him he wouldn't answer or call and said I'm intense and even a hug was too much to ask .
It's funny but I have other male friends whom I'm not addicted to and I will text them and not get a reply for 48 hours if at all though I'm not attached to the outcome and Although one particular guy I would get romantically involved with Im not emotionally attached so I really do feel it was my exAB who created and set up this situation to suck me in and abandon me and I think it's part of who he is and I was just kind and gullible so he took advantage till his behaviour and alcohol got in the way.
The best thing is too stay detached when listening to stories to prevent being sucked in as I feel addicts have a technique they do on auto pilot ! Lol
You see I was tricked into this relationship he constantly bombarded me for my attention by calling and texting that much and expected answering straight away and once I was addicted if I ever texted him he wouldn't answer or call and said I'm intense and even a hug was too much to ask .
It's funny but I have other male friends whom I'm not addicted to and I will text them and not get a reply for 48 hours if at all though I'm not attached to the outcome and Although one particular guy I would get romantically involved with Im not emotionally attached so I really do feel it was my exAB who created and set up this situation to suck me in and abandon me and I think it's part of who he is and I was just kind and gullible so he took advantage till his behaviour and alcohol got in the way.
The best thing is too stay detached when listening to stories to prevent being sucked in as I feel addicts have a technique they do on auto pilot ! Lol
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