My 13yr old son called me a drunk
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Galt
Posts: 1
My 13yr old son called me a drunk
I KNOW I am an alcoholic, I KNOW I drink too much. My problem is... how do I STOP?!?! My son called me a drunk tonight 
I know he is right and it breaks my heart he said that. I hate that he noticed it. I just don't know how to stop!! I WANT to stop. I know I am killing myself and I know I am not being a good mom (single mom, two kids at home) but I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STOP!! I've been to AA meetings and it just makes me want to drink more (how bad is that??) I NEED to stop drinking, but how? The cravings are just sooo bad. I am a beer drinker and can drink an 18 pack in one night with no problem (not something to be proud of) can someone PLEASE HELP ME?!? How do I get rid of the cravings? How do I stop drinking?! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!! I just need help.... 
I know he is right and it breaks my heart he said that. I hate that he noticed it. I just don't know how to stop!! I WANT to stop. I know I am killing myself and I know I am not being a good mom (single mom, two kids at home) but I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STOP!! I've been to AA meetings and it just makes me want to drink more (how bad is that??) I NEED to stop drinking, but how? The cravings are just sooo bad. I am a beer drinker and can drink an 18 pack in one night with no problem (not something to be proud of) can someone PLEASE HELP ME?!? How do I get rid of the cravings? How do I stop drinking?! Any advice would be greatly appreciated!! I just need help.... 
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
Welcome trying2bebetter. I was also a beer drinker. The cravings are really hard in the beginning, so it's really critical to be committed as well as to have a plan as to what you're going to do when the cravings hit (go for a walk, drink seltzer water, drink tea, play a video game, listen to music, get out of the house, etc).
It was also really critical for me to identify what was triggering me (thought patterns, etc). If you can start recognizing these aspects as to why you want to drink and pick up, it helps. I had a tendency of numbing myself with alcohol when feeling different types of discomfort to where it was a challenge to identify some of these emotions and giving them a voice. Giving the feelings a voice and where it was coming from helped me realize what I was feeling, was normal.
I have been extremely vigilant in protecting my sobriety (no going back to places I tended to drink, esp at night).
I think if you do a search, there is a thread with advice to newcomers.
Also, considering how much you drink, you may want to see a doctor prior to quitting to be safe.
Welcome! Spend some time around here. There are lots of wonderful people you can learn from and get to know.
It was also really critical for me to identify what was triggering me (thought patterns, etc). If you can start recognizing these aspects as to why you want to drink and pick up, it helps. I had a tendency of numbing myself with alcohol when feeling different types of discomfort to where it was a challenge to identify some of these emotions and giving them a voice. Giving the feelings a voice and where it was coming from helped me realize what I was feeling, was normal.
I have been extremely vigilant in protecting my sobriety (no going back to places I tended to drink, esp at night).
I think if you do a search, there is a thread with advice to newcomers.
Also, considering how much you drink, you may want to see a doctor prior to quitting to be safe.
Welcome! Spend some time around here. There are lots of wonderful people you can learn from and get to know.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,785
I can't find the most recent one, but this one should be helpful too.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...newcomers.html
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...newcomers.html
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi trying, I agree that once your children call you a drunk it's definitely time to stop.
A good first step to see a doctor. They may or may not prescribe, but it's great to talk to someone about your drinking and get some moral support. Hard as it is, be truthful about how much you drink, even write it down if you can't get the words out. Don't be ashamed, they like it when people are honest with them.
Cravings - you drink at night, so you probably start wanting a drink in the afternoon. You have to break the habit. I'm not sure if you work outside the home, but either way, alter your routine. Take the kids for a walk, organise some activity, cook an elaborate meal, make bread, anything that involves action and your mind.
When you start thinking about beer, divert your mind immediately. Take 5 deep breaths, concentrating on your body and the relaxation really helps.
Read as much as you can on the effects of alcoholism on your body and mind. The increased likelihood of cancer, liver damage, blood pressure, obesity. This will help motivate you. Also read about how drinking affects the family.
Have a substantial protein snack mid-afternoon. Don't allow yourself to get too tired.
Stay away from anywhere that triggers your wish to drink. Liquor outlets, social occasions involving drinking. You don't have to stay away for ever, but for the first few months make sobriety your number 1 priority.
If you have close friends or family, ask for their support and get them on-board. Ask them not to expose you to their drinking in any form, or at least warn you so you can stay away. If you have drinking mates, be very clear about this.
Stay on SR and post frequently because you'll get lots of support from others who know what you're going through.
A good first step to see a doctor. They may or may not prescribe, but it's great to talk to someone about your drinking and get some moral support. Hard as it is, be truthful about how much you drink, even write it down if you can't get the words out. Don't be ashamed, they like it when people are honest with them.
Cravings - you drink at night, so you probably start wanting a drink in the afternoon. You have to break the habit. I'm not sure if you work outside the home, but either way, alter your routine. Take the kids for a walk, organise some activity, cook an elaborate meal, make bread, anything that involves action and your mind.
When you start thinking about beer, divert your mind immediately. Take 5 deep breaths, concentrating on your body and the relaxation really helps.
Read as much as you can on the effects of alcoholism on your body and mind. The increased likelihood of cancer, liver damage, blood pressure, obesity. This will help motivate you. Also read about how drinking affects the family.
Have a substantial protein snack mid-afternoon. Don't allow yourself to get too tired.
Stay away from anywhere that triggers your wish to drink. Liquor outlets, social occasions involving drinking. You don't have to stay away for ever, but for the first few months make sobriety your number 1 priority.
If you have close friends or family, ask for their support and get them on-board. Ask them not to expose you to their drinking in any form, or at least warn you so you can stay away. If you have drinking mates, be very clear about this.
Stay on SR and post frequently because you'll get lots of support from others who know what you're going through.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
I couldn't have gotten sober on my own, and without a great deal of support. There are plenty of resources referenced here on SR, and many people here report about what type of help and support that most helped them to get sober and to live better lives as a result.
I also needed to re-evaluate my thinking, my behavior and my fears. My assumptions about who I am and about what I could become. I used AA, an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) and counseling. I'm still involved in AA and I see a therapist about once every four weeks for other things besides my self-destructive relationship with alcohol. All of this was preceded by a five-day, inpatient detox, and then a 28-day inpatient rehab. I knew nothing about SR when I put down the drink. There are other ways to get sober but, as I wrote, I couldn't have achieved sobriety without all the help and support I signed up for. Ask questions, read here on SR and do your own research.
You made an interesting comment, that going to AA makes you "want to drink more." Yet not going to AA and not using any other program of recovery hasn't helped either.
I hope you find your way.
I also needed to re-evaluate my thinking, my behavior and my fears. My assumptions about who I am and about what I could become. I used AA, an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) and counseling. I'm still involved in AA and I see a therapist about once every four weeks for other things besides my self-destructive relationship with alcohol. All of this was preceded by a five-day, inpatient detox, and then a 28-day inpatient rehab. I knew nothing about SR when I put down the drink. There are other ways to get sober but, as I wrote, I couldn't have achieved sobriety without all the help and support I signed up for. Ask questions, read here on SR and do your own research.
You made an interesting comment, that going to AA makes you "want to drink more." Yet not going to AA and not using any other program of recovery hasn't helped either.
I hope you find your way.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
It is REALLY hard at first but you DO get used to not drinking and you start to remember what life was like before you drank and felt comfortable in your own skin.
Why not try 90 meetings in 90 days?
You will surprise yourself. We are capable of more than we think.
One key is wanting it more than you want to drink.
Why not try 90 meetings in 90 days?
You will surprise yourself. We are capable of more than we think.
One key is wanting it more than you want to drink.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: California
Posts: 2,693
Originally Posted by MelindaFlowers 
It is REALLY hard at first but you DO get used to not drinking and you start to remember what life was like before you drank and felt comfortable in your own skin.
Why not try 90 meetings in 90 days?
You will surprise yourself. We are capable of more than we think.
One key is wanting it more than you want to drink.
Why not try 90 meetings in 90 days?
You will surprise yourself. We are capable of more than we think.
One key is wanting it more than you want to drink.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi Trying2 
I think a lot of people go to AA meetings and want to drink - an AA meeting is unfamiliar and uncomfortable...and what do we do when we feel those feelings?
i think rather than giving up on AA maybe it would be good to go back, make some friends, even get a sponsor? As you grow more comfortable you might find AA no longer triggers you?
Of course if you have other issues with AA there are other meeting based approaches too like SMART or LifeRing or Women For Sobriety that you might like to explore too?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
D
I think a lot of people go to AA meetings and want to drink - an AA meeting is unfamiliar and uncomfortable...and what do we do when we feel those feelings?
i think rather than giving up on AA maybe it would be good to go back, make some friends, even get a sponsor? As you grow more comfortable you might find AA no longer triggers you?
Of course if you have other issues with AA there are other meeting based approaches too like SMART or LifeRing or Women For Sobriety that you might like to explore too?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Hello:
Have you heard of the AV? I hear it all over your post. Read a lot here. Start educating yourself about alcohol. Make a plan, change your routine, play the tape, etc. it will not just fall on your lap but it is doable. Many people do it with out AA but we DO use other methods.
Don't let this sadness you are feeling be used by your AV, use those word as fuel for sobriety!
You are not alone!!! Stay close and use this place as much as you need.
Have you heard of the AV? I hear it all over your post. Read a lot here. Start educating yourself about alcohol. Make a plan, change your routine, play the tape, etc. it will not just fall on your lap but it is doable. Many people do it with out AA but we DO use other methods.
Don't let this sadness you are feeling be used by your AV, use those word as fuel for sobriety!
You are not alone!!! Stay close and use this place as much as you need.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
As stated many times here on SR, once your desire to stop is stronger than to drink, you will find a way. There is no magical way to stop, any recovery method or program will only work as good as you do.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,552
Only worry about not drinking today. Do not think about tomorrow. Do not think about never drinking again. Just concentrate on today.
For today, eat and drink whatever you want (no alcohol of course!!!). Sugary soft drinks and chocolate got me through. Worry about bettering your diet later. It actually comes naturally. Sleep when you can. I use to, and still do on rough days, nap after lunch. I read intense books before bed. That keeps your mind from thinking about alcohol. Go to bed early. When you wake up, repeat.
I go to meetings and they weren't for me. Now they are. I made myself go, I took a notepad and wrote at least one helpful thing from every meeting. The meetings are NOT going to be for you right now. They are a threat to your addiction. Go anyway. Ignore the stuff that does not appeal to you at this time. Just GO! And check in here several times a day.
Sending strength your way,
Former beer drinker
Jennifer
For today, eat and drink whatever you want (no alcohol of course!!!). Sugary soft drinks and chocolate got me through. Worry about bettering your diet later. It actually comes naturally. Sleep when you can. I use to, and still do on rough days, nap after lunch. I read intense books before bed. That keeps your mind from thinking about alcohol. Go to bed early. When you wake up, repeat.
I go to meetings and they weren't for me. Now they are. I made myself go, I took a notepad and wrote at least one helpful thing from every meeting. The meetings are NOT going to be for you right now. They are a threat to your addiction. Go anyway. Ignore the stuff that does not appeal to you at this time. Just GO! And check in here several times a day.
Sending strength your way,
Former beer drinker
Jennifer
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Kids can be harsh, but also honest. I drank for a few years when my children were in their teens, too. It was horribly demoralizing for me. But, you can stop drinking. You say you don't know what to do, but all you need to do today is not drink. Get rid of the alcohol in your house. If you don't want to use AA, there are other options - SMART, AVRT, or just stopping. What worked for me in the early days was changing my routines to help break the habit aspect of drinking. I also started exercising (walking) a lot which helped my mental outlook enormously. Remember, it's not just stopping drinking. It's learning to live the best life you can.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
You have gotten stellar responses to your post. Very practical advice. I couldn't initially do it on my own. I took the decision out of my own hands and placed it in another's. I did four days of inpatient detox followed by 16 days of inpatient rehab. Then ninety meetings in ninety days. It takes a while to reprogram your brain when it's so used to alcohol to cope. I used to drink after going to meetings. I don't do that anymore.
You can do it. Kids see a whole lot more than we think they do. And they say things we would never say or expect. It hurts, doesn't it? You can do this. It will be hard. It will take time and attention. We are here for support but I always suggest support in real life too.
Welcome to SR. Hang around. Read and get to know people. Turning your world upside down and reorganised is hard but if is doable.
You can do it. Kids see a whole lot more than we think they do. And they say things we would never say or expect. It hurts, doesn't it? You can do this. It will be hard. It will take time and attention. We are here for support but I always suggest support in real life too.
Welcome to SR. Hang around. Read and get to know people. Turning your world upside down and reorganised is hard but if is doable.
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Washington, MO
Posts: 2,306
The cravings will go away--soon for some and for some it may take awhile. One thing is for sure, they won't wane if you're still putting it in you. Do whatever it takes. Inpatient, outpatient, anti-craving meds or just plain willpower in the beginning. Every day you will feel stronger than the booze. I come here daily and that is enough for me. You may want to read this:http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ined-long.html. This one thread helped me a great deal in the beginning. You don't have to let the urge define you. Maybe you will get something from it. "Any which way we can" is my motto. May you find yours. Oh Yeah, my kids don't ask if I'm drinking anymore but they can still be mouthy. I handle THAT a lot better than I used to. Best wishes.
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Glad you're here!
My Son was 17 when he called me a drunk and some other things. Perhaps the highlight of my shame......
I made a decision to stop - just for one day. I will not drink today, I will seek the level of help that I need - but I will stop.
That was 291 days ago and I still have not had a drink. Quit smoking recently as well.
We all had to find what worked for us. But, I assure you it started with the decision. Then we fight the good fight!
Btw, while kids words are painful they are no angels in an of themselves and love to loudly tell parents what our problems are!!
Stop, clean up the past and live - you can do it but asking / seeking help in some form or fashion is necessary for the vast majority of us here - it's why we post
My Son was 17 when he called me a drunk and some other things. Perhaps the highlight of my shame......
I made a decision to stop - just for one day. I will not drink today, I will seek the level of help that I need - but I will stop.
That was 291 days ago and I still have not had a drink. Quit smoking recently as well.
We all had to find what worked for us. But, I assure you it started with the decision. Then we fight the good fight!
Btw, while kids words are painful they are no angels in an of themselves and love to loudly tell parents what our problems are!!
Stop, clean up the past and live - you can do it but asking / seeking help in some form or fashion is necessary for the vast majority of us here - it's why we post
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
Trying2bebetter, ya gotta admit it's pretty bad when your kid calls you a drunk so maybe it's time to do something about it. I consider SR to be better than any place else for my sobriety, so hang here, ya never have to leave the house. As far as the cravings go ya just gotta tuff it out suffer through them ever how ya can. As time goes by the cravings will go away, everyone here is rootin for ya. 
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Trying to: There are medications available by prescription which are said to diminish or eliminate the cravings. Do consult your doctor and be perfectly honest with her/him. They can help you. Make sure your doctor is well trained in treating alcoholism and monitoring prescription medications so you don't get hooked on pills. Then seek the companionship and help of other recovering alcoholics, if not AA, then some other way. And the folks on this site can help you and will do so if you keep posting. Getting sober may take time but it's really worth it. Your kid will be so happy if you do this. Do it for him and for yourself!
Hillbilly Girl
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
Glad your here Trying......I remember my Son telling me that & how much it hurts, but it was the truth & it was hurting them. Really though, they just want us to be OK....believe it or not, he is worried about you & just wants his sober Mom.
I quit going to AA, but have recently returned, as I need the local support....I need to be around others who can relate to the struggle & who have found a way to live without the alcohol. Life is so much better without the drink......, so I really hope you reach out & grab hold. You do that & I promise things will improve with you & your Son. ((Hugs to you))
I quit going to AA, but have recently returned, as I need the local support....I need to be around others who can relate to the struggle & who have found a way to live without the alcohol. Life is so much better without the drink......, so I really hope you reach out & grab hold. You do that & I promise things will improve with you & your Son. ((Hugs to you))
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