Go Back  SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > Friends and Family > Friends and Family of Alcoholics
Reload this Page >

I am sure i know the answer, but really need to hear it anyway



I am sure i know the answer, but really need to hear it anyway

Old 03-25-2015, 05:10 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
searching peace's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Alabama
Posts: 493
I am sure i know the answer, but really need to hear it anyway

My stbxah called and asked me to bring him one of his guns. He said he had been invited to this really fancy expensive turkey hunt and needs his gun to be able to go this weekend. He has mentioned this everyday this week. But tonight he specifically called and asked. I said that he told me he was going to get his attorney to make sure he could get in the house and get anything he wants. (He told me that last night as he was telling me how much he hates me with intensity!) then he started calling me sweetie and being all nice today. There is a PFA he isn't supposed to have any guns. I'm afraid of his anger. And plus there are a lot of things I would love to do, but cannot because he isn't giving me any money for groceries or anything. I'm sitting here painting the house so we can sell it and I'm doing all of the work while he wants to go have fun. He has no respect for the situation he is in. He only blames me and thinks he is above the law.
So what do you all think is the best way to handle this so I don't anger him. I thought try and explain there is a PFA and I am not going to break it by giving him a gun before I ask my attorney.
searching peace is offline  
Old 03-25-2015, 05:15 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
ladyscribbler's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Let him get his attorney involved if he wants. PFA says no guns, then no guns. This isn't really something you need to respond to. Scary stuff. Please take care.

ETA: Also, I'm not big on hunting, but I don't think turkey season is in March.
ladyscribbler is offline  
Old 03-25-2015, 05:21 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
A work in progress
 
LexieCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
It is illegal under federal law for him to possess a firearm. My own suggestion is that you call the police and ask them to remove the guns for safekeeping. Have them send the receipt to his lawyer so he knows where they are.

Since they are in your house, I doubt that he will wind up being charged with any crime, but they need to be removed for your own safety, as well as compliance with the law.
LexieCat is offline  
Old 03-25-2015, 05:22 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 5,700
Yes, you know the answer. There's a legal agreement in place so just tell him that you are going to abide by that until advised otherwise by your attorney.
Gonnachange is offline  
Old 03-25-2015, 05:30 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Latte's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
Yes, ask the police to take the guns.

I lived in Wisconsin when a man who was supposed to have relinquished his weapons to the police (they never follow up on this) didn't. He shot his wife and several others in a beauty shop.
Latte is offline  
Old 03-25-2015, 05:32 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 5,700
Originally Posted by LexieCat View Post
It is illegal under federal law for him to possess a firearm. My own suggestion is that you call the police and ask them to remove the guns for safekeeping. Have them send the receipt to his lawyer so he knows where they are.

Since they are in your house, I doubt that he will wind up being charged with any crime, but they need to be removed for your own safety, as well as compliance with the law.
Originally Posted by Latte View Post
Yes, ask the police to take the guns.

I lived in Wisconsin when a man who was supposed to have relinquished his weapons to the police (they never follow up on this) didn't. He shot his wife and several others in a beauty shop.
This is much better advice than what I offered. Go this route to ensure your safety.
Gonnachange is offline  
Old 03-25-2015, 05:40 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
A work in progress
 
LexieCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by Latte View Post
Yes, ask the police to take the guns.

I lived in Wisconsin when a man who was supposed to have relinquished his weapons to the police (they never follow up on this) didn't. He shot his wife and several others in a beauty shop.
I'm actually working on a national project right now to improve procedures to enforce federal, state, and tribal prohibitions on firearms possession for DV offenders. The followup often IS seriously lacking, and that's one of the main things we want to work on. Domestic violence and guns are a deadly combination. A gun in the home increases the likelihood of homicide for DV victims 500 percent. A DV victim is five times likelier to be killed when there is a gun in the home.
LexieCat is offline  
Old 03-25-2015, 05:43 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Latte's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
Posts: 2,391
That is very interesting LexieCat. I'd like to know how your project turns out.

I truly believe guns + domestic violence = horrible outcome.
Latte is offline  
Old 03-25-2015, 05:45 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
A work in progress
 
LexieCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I also suggest that you or your lawyer let his lawyer know he was trying to get the guns. Hopefully his lawyer will smack his client upside the head and impress upon him that he is risking a federal prison sentence if he so much as BORROWS a gun to go hunting.
LexieCat is offline  
Old 03-25-2015, 05:59 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
amy55's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
DO NOT GIVE HIM A GUN. DO NOT HAVE ANY CONTACT WITH HIM.

I also don't think it's turkey hunting season. Wouldn't they do that around Thanksgiving. I actually think that he is trying to intimidate you and threaten you. With a PFA, is he allowed any contact? Notify authorities.

(((((((((hugs))))))))))))
amy
amy55 is offline  
Old 03-25-2015, 06:18 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
firebolt's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
There is spring and fall turkey season in MT. That doesn't matter though. He gets no guns because the court said so - im guessing with good reason. You don't have to explain anything to him. NO is a complete answer.
firebolt is offline  
Old 03-25-2015, 06:22 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 113
I had the police remove all of the guns from our house. If he wants stuff from the house have a sheriff or other law enforcement official there to supervise. Let them be the bad guys when it comes to denying him weapons.
amberly is offline  
Old 03-25-2015, 06:24 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
redatlanta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
With a PFA in place is he even supposed to be contacting you?

Best advice to have police come and take the guns and let his attorney deal with it. Yay Lexie.
redatlanta is offline  
Old 03-25-2015, 06:30 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
searching peace's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Alabama
Posts: 493
It is turkey season in Alabama. So I knew that part is true. According to him, his attorney told him if I give him the gun than that is fine and he can have it to go hunting with. The guns are locked up in a safe in a closet behind my bedroom and bathroom. I have the key. I took the key when all of this happened in May. I asked about the police taking the guns and they wouldn't. I'll call my attorney's office and let them know. He told me tonight that he can have his attorney file a motion and the judge will allow him to get his gun. But that he doesn't want to go to that trouble. Well I don't want to pay my attorney to ask about his guns! But whatever. The scary thing is a week ago, I would have gone to see him tonight as he asked me to and I probably would have let him have his gun. But after I saw his behavior last night and it was as violent over the phone as it was the night he was arrested almost a year ago, I am afraid of him turning on a dime. I stupidly asked the attorney a week ago to file for the PFA to be dismissed. Thankfully, my attorney is much smarter than I am and didn't do it.
It's difficult and we all have been through a similar feeling. I loved my husband or the person I thought he was. I do not like his behavior now and with the alcohol. I don't want to be divorced a second time. I don't want to go through life alone. But, thanks to this forum and other enlightening venues I know I don't want to live this life anymore. And being divorced twice, and being alone beats being abused and living with an A every day of the week! Thanks yall!!! So grateful to have this forum to help me know and remember things I need help with still.
searching peace is offline  
Old 03-25-2015, 07:12 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
A work in progress
 
LexieCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
His attorney is WRONG, or he's lying. One or the other. Under federal law:
Federal law (18 U.S.C. § 922[g][1-9]) prohibits certain individuals from possessing firearms, ammunition, or explosives. The penalty for violating this law is ten years imprisonment and/or a $250,000 fine. Further, 18 U.S.C. 3565(b)(2) (probation) and 3583(g)(2) (supervised release) makes it mandatory for the Court to revoke supervision for possession of a firearm.
Specifically, 18 U.S.C. § 922(g)(1-9) prohibits the following from possessing, shipping/ transporting, or receiving any firearm or ammunition:
(1) a person convicted of a crime punishable by imprisonment exceeding one year;
(2) a person who is a fugitive from justice;
(3) a person who is an unlawful user of or who is addicted to a controlled substance;
(4) a person who has been adjudicated as a mental defective or who has been admitted
to a mental institution;
(5) an alien who is unlawfully in the United States or who has been admitted to the
United States under a nonimmigrant visa;
(6) a person who has been discharged from the Armed Forces under dishonorable
conditions;
(7) a person who, having been a citizen of the United States, renounces his citizenship;
(8) a person subject to a court order that was issued after a hearing in which the person
participated, which order restrains the person from harassing, stalking, or threatening an intimate partner or partner’s child, and which order includes a finding that the person is a credible threat to such partner or partner’s child, or by its terms prohibits the use, attempted use or threatened use of such force against such partner or partner’s child;

(9) a person who has been convicted of a misdemeanor crime of domestic violence.
I don't know whether you had the order when you asked the police to take the guns. If they refused AFTER you got the order, call the federal Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms, and see if they will take the guns. Or just tell your lawyer to find someplace they can be turned in. He is NOT entitled to possess them, no matter what he says.

I'm pretty sure, though, if he is prohibited from having them, the police should take them. Call and talk to the police chief.
LexieCat is offline  
Old 03-25-2015, 07:22 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
A work in progress
 
LexieCat's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Actually, if you are in Alabama, the Alabama Coalition Against Domestic Violence can probably help you. They worked on an initiative in Montgomery around firearms issues in DV cases--it was called TARGET, I believe. Here is the webpage for the Coalition.
LexieCat is offline  
Old 03-25-2015, 07:41 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
Member
 
redatlanta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Originally Posted by searching peace View Post
It is turkey season in Alabama. So I knew that part is true. According to him, his attorney told him if I give him the gun than that is fine and he can have it to go hunting with. The guns are locked up in a safe in a closet behind my bedroom and bathroom. I have the key. I took the key when all of this happened in May. I asked about the police taking the guns and they wouldn't. I'll call my attorney's office and let them know. He told me tonight that he can have his attorney file a motion and the judge will allow him to get his gun. But that he doesn't want to go to that trouble. Well I don't want to pay my attorney to ask about his guns! But whatever. The scary thing is a week ago, I would have gone to see him tonight as he asked me to and I probably would have let him have his gun. But after I saw his behavior last night and it was as violent over the phone as it was the night he was arrested almost a year ago, I am afraid of him turning on a dime. I stupidly asked the attorney a week ago to file for the PFA to be dismissed. Thankfully, my attorney is much smarter than I am and didn't do it.
It's difficult and we all have been through a similar feeling. I loved my husband or the person I thought he was. I do not like his behavior now and with the alcohol. I don't want to be divorced a second time. I don't want to go through life alone. But, thanks to this forum and other enlightening venues I know I don't want to live this life anymore. And being divorced twice, and being alone beats being abused and living with an A every day of the week! Thanks yall!!! So grateful to have this forum to help me know and remember things I need help with still.
This is the best I have seen you through this process. You go girl!

And maybe....he lied about what his lawyer said. Hmmmm. Seems it would fit the bill
redatlanta is offline  
Old 03-25-2015, 07:53 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 667
Here this is better. Since he is not leaving you with money and he is not allowed to have weapons, sell them. You are as much an owner as he is and this can help you pay bills.

There is nothing illegal in selling anything you own. An attorney will tell you you need to file a motion to do so yadda yadda yadda. They may argue willfill dissipation of assets, yadda yadda yadda, but you can argue poverty and the law prevents him from owning and you were afraid of dire outcomes. If the judge gives you a hard time, it will be after the fact. You can plead poverty, prove your case and very willfully agree to simply deduct these proceeds from the final distribution amounts.

Guns bring good money and sell quickly!

Or you can play nice and drag this out for x number of months more.
Hangnbyathread is offline  
Old 03-25-2015, 11:04 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
searching peace's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Alabama
Posts: 493
Thank you Lexicat. I went on the link and downloaded it. I'm sure he is trying to manipulate me and I do not know if his attorney is wrong or he is lying about the attorney. I've met his attorney and both scenarios are possible. But it really doesn't matter. My stbxah is very intelligent and should know this. But like I said, he does not connect the dots that his actions caused his arrest and have put him in this situation. It is much easier for him to blame everything wrong in the world on me. And for some reason he feels he is above the law.
searching peace is offline  
Old 03-25-2015, 11:13 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
searching peace's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Alabama
Posts: 493
Thank you redatlanta! I feel like I'm doing better. But I have set backs everyday. Thank you for saying that though!

I thought about selling them holdingonbyathread and I even told him I would if it came to that. But these guns were his long before we were married and I do not wish him anything bad. I just don't want his abuse any more. I know I could have had him arrested for violating the PFA a dozen times, but I just want to get through this and begin my life with my kids away from the craziness. I'm just not one to cause someone else to have problems if I can avoid it. I know that he is doing enough damage to himself. And me doing something against him will only reinforce his idea that I am to blame for all his problems. I hope once I'm gone he will realize his problems are still there and maybe he will begin facing them. Probably not. But I don't want to cause him to suffer if I can avoid it. His suffering won't change the abuse I have experienced from him, it won't make it go away or make it better. And to me two wrongs don't make a right. I won't give him the gun. But I won't sell it either. Unless it gets down to not being able to feed my children, then I will do what I need to do.
searching peace is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:45 PM.