2 weeks later
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nyc
Posts: 13
2 weeks later
Hello. My name is John. I'm 36
I've been sober for 2 weeks and 5 days. I also quit smoking the same time.
I,would drink a pint or ao of whiskey a day and a few cigarettes a day. I would give it a rest a day here or there.
I got,sick a few weeks ago and was feeling like this was it. But I pulled through and since then I decided enough is enough. I have a wife, and a 2 year old child and I wasn't being fair to them by drinking, spending money on liquor and robbing them of my time. I could go into detail of how it came to this but I don't think that's needed .
I had a few cigs at work here and there, but it's no longer a routne, coffee with a smoke in morning, at lunch and in eve. No more coffee at all for that matter.
I don't miss drinking anymore at all, have no urge . Smoking I miss a little.
Problem now is. I became such a bore. I barely want to talk, even with my wife. I get angry very easily, and in general I rather be left alone. I was always an introvert , but now more than ever.
I take dogs out for a walk now, where before I would run home from work to,drink. I clean the house a bit. Wash my cars to fill the gaps of time I now have. So I have hobbies and now that spring is hejre I'll be able to fill up my time even more.
It's the eerie feeling of dryness I have . Physically I feel great, no more hangovers and food binges. Plus I'm saving $100a week easy. It's just I feel so empty and this emptiness is spilling over to my family. I can literally just come home and not even say a word besides hello until I go to sleep. When I drank, I'd come home, put music on, play with kid, warm up dinner if wife didn't do it yet, dance with the kid a bit, play with dogs. Basically fun.
Worst part is I no longer feel anything in common with my wife. I have no desire to have sex, hug or any of that crap. I'd be totally fine if we never spoke again at all. She tries to small talk and I pretend to engage, but in reality I am simply not there.
I'm starting to wonder if this is the real me and perhaps this is what I was avoiding, which is why I even started drinking more often when I was 25.
Back then it was just weekends, then weekdays and then every day, losing friends as time went by, I was too outspoken with every drink. And no I don't miss any of those friends, but I do miss being younger
Any thoughts?
Thanks for inputs.
John
I've been sober for 2 weeks and 5 days. I also quit smoking the same time.
I,would drink a pint or ao of whiskey a day and a few cigarettes a day. I would give it a rest a day here or there.
I got,sick a few weeks ago and was feeling like this was it. But I pulled through and since then I decided enough is enough. I have a wife, and a 2 year old child and I wasn't being fair to them by drinking, spending money on liquor and robbing them of my time. I could go into detail of how it came to this but I don't think that's needed .
I had a few cigs at work here and there, but it's no longer a routne, coffee with a smoke in morning, at lunch and in eve. No more coffee at all for that matter.
I don't miss drinking anymore at all, have no urge . Smoking I miss a little.
Problem now is. I became such a bore. I barely want to talk, even with my wife. I get angry very easily, and in general I rather be left alone. I was always an introvert , but now more than ever.
I take dogs out for a walk now, where before I would run home from work to,drink. I clean the house a bit. Wash my cars to fill the gaps of time I now have. So I have hobbies and now that spring is hejre I'll be able to fill up my time even more.
It's the eerie feeling of dryness I have . Physically I feel great, no more hangovers and food binges. Plus I'm saving $100a week easy. It's just I feel so empty and this emptiness is spilling over to my family. I can literally just come home and not even say a word besides hello until I go to sleep. When I drank, I'd come home, put music on, play with kid, warm up dinner if wife didn't do it yet, dance with the kid a bit, play with dogs. Basically fun.
Worst part is I no longer feel anything in common with my wife. I have no desire to have sex, hug or any of that crap. I'd be totally fine if we never spoke again at all. She tries to small talk and I pretend to engage, but in reality I am simply not there.
I'm starting to wonder if this is the real me and perhaps this is what I was avoiding, which is why I even started drinking more often when I was 25.
Back then it was just weekends, then weekdays and then every day, losing friends as time went by, I was too outspoken with every drink. And no I don't miss any of those friends, but I do miss being younger
Any thoughts?
Thanks for inputs.
John
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 137
Good post and I think you and I are in the exact same boat
I've quit for weeks before and I can tell you it gets better, in fact, way better than when you were drinking.
You start to get your personality and feelings and energy back.
I've quit for weeks before and I can tell you it gets better, in fact, way better than when you were drinking.
You start to get your personality and feelings and energy back.
Adventurer
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Tuxedo Park, NY
Posts: 1,101
Hi Rusty, I am fairly new at getting sober just like you and I went through the same stages. Your body and mind are adjusting to the changes. I felt like I was a lost cause but now 10+ weeks later I notice a massive improvement in everything. It is mind blowing to me how I ever let myself get this deep into the bottle especially now when I realize how much I was missing out on.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nyc
Posts: 13
Thanks guys. The shame I was experiencing every morning along with a hangover was the worst part I think.
I have no desire to start drinking anymore, I don't think I'll,even drink socially as that is impossible as I learned. Also after 2 DUI s in a row, that was 5 years ago. I finally just started drinking at home, alone.
Anyhow all that is behind me. I'm just worried what's ahead. Glad spring is here, I started biking and will do so,every day now to get in better shape. Spend days in a park with daughter and take her places.
I just hope this dullness goes away. I'm not depressed, but I, not overly happy either, even though I know this is the best time of my life, having a daughter and all, and she is so awesome .
I have no desire to start drinking anymore, I don't think I'll,even drink socially as that is impossible as I learned. Also after 2 DUI s in a row, that was 5 years ago. I finally just started drinking at home, alone.
Anyhow all that is behind me. I'm just worried what's ahead. Glad spring is here, I started biking and will do so,every day now to get in better shape. Spend days in a park with daughter and take her places.
I just hope this dullness goes away. I'm not depressed, but I, not overly happy either, even though I know this is the best time of my life, having a daughter and all, and she is so awesome .
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 137
Originally Posted by Rustynails777 
Thanks guys. The shame I was experiencing every morning along with a hangover was the worst part I think.
I have no desire to start drinking anymore, I don't think I'll,even drink socially as that is impossible as I learned. Also after 2 DUI s in a row, that was 5 years ago. I finally just started drinking at home, alone.
Anyhow all that is behind me. I'm just worried what's ahead. Glad spring is here, I started biking and will do so,every day now to get in better shape. Spend days in a park with daughter and take her places.
I just hope this dullness goes away. I'm not depressed, but I, not overly happy either, even though I know this is the best time of my life, having a daughter and all, and she is so awesome .
I have no desire to start drinking anymore, I don't think I'll,even drink socially as that is impossible as I learned. Also after 2 DUI s in a row, that was 5 years ago. I finally just started drinking at home, alone.
Anyhow all that is behind me. I'm just worried what's ahead. Glad spring is here, I started biking and will do so,every day now to get in better shape. Spend days in a park with daughter and take her places.
I just hope this dullness goes away. I'm not depressed, but I, not overly happy either, even though I know this is the best time of my life, having a daughter and all, and she is so awesome .
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and welcome.
Stopping drinking is a great start in living sober with its benefits. Unless other things are addressed we can remain miserable as we still have to deal, sober, with the lifes day to day pressures.
This is when learning recovery methods and working on change comes into effect.
One change I needed was to think about not drinking instead of wearing myself out thinking about drinking. I also found, for me, that eating sugary items and drinks in the timeframor drinking of my day eased the obsession.
BE WELL
Stopping drinking is a great start in living sober with its benefits. Unless other things are addressed we can remain miserable as we still have to deal, sober, with the lifes day to day pressures.
This is when learning recovery methods and working on change comes into effect.
One change I needed was to think about not drinking instead of wearing myself out thinking about drinking. I also found, for me, that eating sugary items and drinks in the timeframor drinking of my day eased the obsession.
BE WELL
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Hi RN.
Happiness isn't a destination or an event. It's not a prescription or a plan. Sometimes it can be a gift, but it's never easy to anticipate when we will receive it.
The joy that is the subject of your reminiscing is not as real as it may seem in retrospect. You did, after all, put down the drink for a reason. As did many of us, you practiced a form of pseudo-social skills because you got what you wanted...booze. Now that it's no longer part of your life, you need to live in reality, to make a plan, if happiness is what you seek. I was rarely happy when I was drinking; it always escaped me after a time, and very reliably so, until there was nothing left but trouble, pain and tears.
It's important to know and appreciate where we are in life, but it's at least as important to know who and what we can become.
Happiness isn't a destination or an event. It's not a prescription or a plan. Sometimes it can be a gift, but it's never easy to anticipate when we will receive it.
The joy that is the subject of your reminiscing is not as real as it may seem in retrospect. You did, after all, put down the drink for a reason. As did many of us, you practiced a form of pseudo-social skills because you got what you wanted...booze. Now that it's no longer part of your life, you need to live in reality, to make a plan, if happiness is what you seek. I was rarely happy when I was drinking; it always escaped me after a time, and very reliably so, until there was nothing left but trouble, pain and tears.
It's important to know and appreciate where we are in life, but it's at least as important to know who and what we can become.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nyc
Posts: 13
Well, thanks for chiming in. I figured I rather ask folks on this forum than someone else.
One thing I still wonder. Am I an alcoholic or was I drinking out of bordem?
Did lots of reading and all the signs point to worst state of affairs.
Hidden bottles, buying pints, cleaning out the old bottles from my garage where I would start drinking and then go home opening another bottle as if it's the first one that day. One drink is never enough, bottle just be finished.
I don't mind the label of alcoholic. I realize I can not have a drink anymore ever again, I don't want to go through this nightmare again. I can not believe it lasted for so many years too. Fascinating, just insane how it didn't stop sooner or no one stopped me. Functioning alcoholic is what I must have been, and a darn good one too. Was proud of that before, now I look at it with amazement.
Anyhow... Thanks for comments. Always interesting to see what others bring to the table .
One thing I still wonder. Am I an alcoholic or was I drinking out of bordem?
Did lots of reading and all the signs point to worst state of affairs.
Hidden bottles, buying pints, cleaning out the old bottles from my garage where I would start drinking and then go home opening another bottle as if it's the first one that day. One drink is never enough, bottle just be finished.
I don't mind the label of alcoholic. I realize I can not have a drink anymore ever again, I don't want to go through this nightmare again. I can not believe it lasted for so many years too. Fascinating, just insane how it didn't stop sooner or no one stopped me. Functioning alcoholic is what I must have been, and a darn good one too. Was proud of that before, now I look at it with amazement.
Anyhow... Thanks for comments. Always interesting to see what others bring to the table .
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 137
Originally Posted by Rustynails777
Well, thanks for chiming in. I figured I rather ask folks on this forum than someone else.
One thing I still wonder. Am I an alcoholic or was I drinking out of bordem?
Did lots of reading and all the signs point to worst state of affairs.
Hidden bottles, buying pints, cleaning out the old bottles from my garage where I would start drinking and then go home opening another bottle as if it's the first one that day. One drink is never enough, bottle just be finished.
I don't mind the label of alcoholic. I realize I can not have a drink anymore ever again, I don't want to go through this nightmare again. I can not believe it lasted for so many years too. Fascinating, just insane how it didn't stop sooner or no one stopped me. Functioning alcoholic is what I must have been, and a darn good one too. Was proud of that before, now I look at it with amazement.
Anyhow... Thanks for comments. Always interesting to see what others bring to the table .
One thing I still wonder. Am I an alcoholic or was I drinking out of bordem?
Did lots of reading and all the signs point to worst state of affairs.
Hidden bottles, buying pints, cleaning out the old bottles from my garage where I would start drinking and then go home opening another bottle as if it's the first one that day. One drink is never enough, bottle just be finished.
I don't mind the label of alcoholic. I realize I can not have a drink anymore ever again, I don't want to go through this nightmare again. I can not believe it lasted for so many years too. Fascinating, just insane how it didn't stop sooner or no one stopped me. Functioning alcoholic is what I must have been, and a darn good one too. Was proud of that before, now I look at it with amazement.
Anyhow... Thanks for comments. Always interesting to see what others bring to the table .
don't be ashamed
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, Rusty.
Congrats on 2 weeks and welcome to SR!
Two weeks is great achievement, but it's still very early recovery. Both your body and mind are healing. It's ok to feel low, down, apathetic, not interesting in anything at this time.
Putting drink down is just just the beginning of very long sobriety journey which almost always requires re-assessing values, re-discovering yourself, looking deep inside, letting go of old stuff that drags you back, and growing through constant pushing our behinds out of comfort zones.
It can feel uncomfortable, and even scary sometimes.
Don't jump to conclusions right now. Take one day at a time, focus on enjoying little things which bring you joy, revive some old hobbies or find new.
Give yourself and your family some time to adjust - it's a big change, and every big change needs time to fit in usual environment.
I came here almost 2 and a half years ago, and I feel like a completely different person, though still lots of work in progress.
As for "alcoholic or drinking out of boredom" - does it really matter much?
I still don't know - was I alcoholic or my emotional pain was too much that I needed wine to medicate it?
Where's that fine line between "textbook alcoholic" and "out of something drinkers"?
We still share the same issue.
Keep up good job.
It gets batter. No kidding.
Best wishes to you.
Congrats on 2 weeks and welcome to SR!
Two weeks is great achievement, but it's still very early recovery. Both your body and mind are healing. It's ok to feel low, down, apathetic, not interesting in anything at this time.
Putting drink down is just just the beginning of very long sobriety journey which almost always requires re-assessing values, re-discovering yourself, looking deep inside, letting go of old stuff that drags you back, and growing through constant pushing our behinds out of comfort zones.
It can feel uncomfortable, and even scary sometimes.
Don't jump to conclusions right now. Take one day at a time, focus on enjoying little things which bring you joy, revive some old hobbies or find new.
Give yourself and your family some time to adjust - it's a big change, and every big change needs time to fit in usual environment.
I came here almost 2 and a half years ago, and I feel like a completely different person, though still lots of work in progress.
As for "alcoholic or drinking out of boredom" - does it really matter much?
I still don't know - was I alcoholic or my emotional pain was too much that I needed wine to medicate it?
Where's that fine line between "textbook alcoholic" and "out of something drinkers"?
We still share the same issue.
Keep up good job.
It gets batter. No kidding.
Best wishes to you.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Congrats on almost three weeks sober! 
It takes a while for your emotions to settle down. Depression is common in early recovery. Stay sober and treat yourself well. It will get better. 
It takes a while for your emotions to settle down. Depression is common in early recovery. Stay sober and treat yourself well. It will get better. 
I will NOT drink to that!
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: Baltimore MD USA
Posts: 634
John,
My husband & I were drinking buddies. Our relationship started off with us drinking. The crazy part is that I was never a drinker before I got with my husband. But me being me (a codependent) I latched on to him & took on his hobby of drinking as a way to bond with him. I did have a on eyear stint sober while I was pregnant & on maternity leave, but I picked up drinking again. Fast forward 6 years...I have been sober for almost 5 months & now that the alcohol fog has lifted, there are some very real problems in my marriage. At first I drank to bond with my husband, then it transcended to me drinking to deal with the day to day of my marriage.
Your post resonated with me when you talked about how you are just ho-hum at home & don't really interact much with your wife. I kind of have gotten that way with my husband. It doesn't help that he is still drinking & passing out on the couch, while I sleep alone in our bed.
The good thing is that you are being proactive about your sobriety & you seem to have a plan to get out ther & be more active. I have an almost 4 year old daughter myself, she is awesome & I vow to do more activities with her.
Keep up the good work so far. It's not an easy road but it's not impossible.
My husband & I were drinking buddies. Our relationship started off with us drinking. The crazy part is that I was never a drinker before I got with my husband. But me being me (a codependent) I latched on to him & took on his hobby of drinking as a way to bond with him. I did have a on eyear stint sober while I was pregnant & on maternity leave, but I picked up drinking again. Fast forward 6 years...I have been sober for almost 5 months & now that the alcohol fog has lifted, there are some very real problems in my marriage. At first I drank to bond with my husband, then it transcended to me drinking to deal with the day to day of my marriage.
Your post resonated with me when you talked about how you are just ho-hum at home & don't really interact much with your wife. I kind of have gotten that way with my husband. It doesn't help that he is still drinking & passing out on the couch, while I sleep alone in our bed.
The good thing is that you are being proactive about your sobriety & you seem to have a plan to get out ther & be more active. I have an almost 4 year old daughter myself, she is awesome & I vow to do more activities with her.
Keep up the good work so far. It's not an easy road but it's not impossible.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Nyc
Posts: 13
Originally Posted by JT0626
John,
My husband & I were drinking buddies. Our relationship started off with us drinking. The crazy part is that I was never a drinker before I got with my husband. But me being me (a codependent) I latched on to him & took on his hobby of drinking as a way to bond with him. I did have a on eyear stint sober while I was pregnant & on maternity leave, but I picked up drinking again. Fast forward 6 years...I have been sober for almost 5 months & now that the alcohol fog has lifted, there are some very real problems in my marriage. At first I drank to bond with my husband, then it transcended to me drinking to deal with the day to day of my marriage.
Your post resonated with me when you talked about how you are just ho-hum at home & don't really interact much with your wife. I kind of have gotten that way with my husband. It doesn't help that he is still drinking & passing out on the couch, while I sleep alone in our bed.
The good thing is that you are being proactive about your sobriety & you seem to have a plan to get out ther & be more active. I have an almost 4 year old daughter myself, she is awesome & I vow to do more activities with her.
Keep up the good work so far. It's not an easy road but it's not impossible.
My husband & I were drinking buddies. Our relationship started off with us drinking. The crazy part is that I was never a drinker before I got with my husband. But me being me (a codependent) I latched on to him & took on his hobby of drinking as a way to bond with him. I did have a on eyear stint sober while I was pregnant & on maternity leave, but I picked up drinking again. Fast forward 6 years...I have been sober for almost 5 months & now that the alcohol fog has lifted, there are some very real problems in my marriage. At first I drank to bond with my husband, then it transcended to me drinking to deal with the day to day of my marriage.
Your post resonated with me when you talked about how you are just ho-hum at home & don't really interact much with your wife. I kind of have gotten that way with my husband. It doesn't help that he is still drinking & passing out on the couch, while I sleep alone in our bed.
The good thing is that you are being proactive about your sobriety & you seem to have a plan to get out ther & be more active. I have an almost 4 year old daughter myself, she is awesome & I vow to do more activities with her.
Keep up the good work so far. It's not an easy road but it's not impossible.
Wife used to drink with me as well on weekends, and we all had a,blast. I just never stopped drinking on weekdays.
She is happy I quit. Says I look younger and healthier, says my mood is more stable and I am more pleasant to be around.
Like others said, i hope the fog lifts soon .
So far my breathing is much improved, I can breathe through my nose now. And I hardly wake up at night now. I can get a full 8-9 hour sleep, before I'd wake up 5 times at night at least, 2 bathroom walks, be up at 4 am not being able to fall asleep.
Thanks again to all. Your inputs are valued.
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