It's an uneasy feeling...
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 3
It's an uneasy feeling...
Hi All, long time reader, first time poster....
I have a friend who has struggled with this AA program and living in sober houses. He has long kicks where hes fine and then suddenly relapses and gets kicked out. Even though I probably shouldn't, I have rescued him out of dangerous situations where he was in hotel rooms drinking uncontrollably, and into detox and back on track. Like clockwork he always seems to end up in the same situation. This past week the same thing happened. He maintained sobriety for a few days and was staying at my place until he could get into this new recovery program being developed at the place he normally went for detox. It was about 2 days or so from implementation.
Ive been able to trust him and he hasn't drank (believe me I can tell) while with me. I was planning to pick him up at a nearby mall after work. Shortly before I was on my way he had mentioned a successful AA friend he knew from one of his Sober Houses was going to pick him up and take him to a meeting and perhaps allow him to stay with him that evening. I was wary of the idea, but I know that hes an adult and if thats what he wanted to do, he can. I knew of this person and they were in fact sober for awhile.
Now my friend and I do the facebook location thing and I noticed they had went to a park and hung out there for two hours. I know for a fact the friend got him because he moved rather quick so he was in a car, not taking the bus as usual. It seemed weird they were at the park and I asked him about it a little bit but he kinda fended me off and eventually stopped answering. I periodically was able to see through FB where he was and he seemed to be going all over the area with this friend and then stopped around 11pm on a road that has a series of hotels, etc. The FB thing stopped working this morning in front of a Racetrac gas station and his phone goes right to message so i suppose it died. So i dunno where he is at this point. I have guesses...
I know I just have to let go and let a higher power handle it. Alcoholics can be resourceful and hopefully it will eventually hit him when he gets bottom. I always worry I never let him hit bottom fully and he needs to do that, and only then will he legit want help. I also worry about the time soon where he may reach out to me when the binge is over and reality is back on what I should do from there.
It's a sucky/distracting feeling though to have this on my brain. Any advice would be appreciative.
I have a friend who has struggled with this AA program and living in sober houses. He has long kicks where hes fine and then suddenly relapses and gets kicked out. Even though I probably shouldn't, I have rescued him out of dangerous situations where he was in hotel rooms drinking uncontrollably, and into detox and back on track. Like clockwork he always seems to end up in the same situation. This past week the same thing happened. He maintained sobriety for a few days and was staying at my place until he could get into this new recovery program being developed at the place he normally went for detox. It was about 2 days or so from implementation.
Ive been able to trust him and he hasn't drank (believe me I can tell) while with me. I was planning to pick him up at a nearby mall after work. Shortly before I was on my way he had mentioned a successful AA friend he knew from one of his Sober Houses was going to pick him up and take him to a meeting and perhaps allow him to stay with him that evening. I was wary of the idea, but I know that hes an adult and if thats what he wanted to do, he can. I knew of this person and they were in fact sober for awhile.
Now my friend and I do the facebook location thing and I noticed they had went to a park and hung out there for two hours. I know for a fact the friend got him because he moved rather quick so he was in a car, not taking the bus as usual. It seemed weird they were at the park and I asked him about it a little bit but he kinda fended me off and eventually stopped answering. I periodically was able to see through FB where he was and he seemed to be going all over the area with this friend and then stopped around 11pm on a road that has a series of hotels, etc. The FB thing stopped working this morning in front of a Racetrac gas station and his phone goes right to message so i suppose it died. So i dunno where he is at this point. I have guesses...
I know I just have to let go and let a higher power handle it. Alcoholics can be resourceful and hopefully it will eventually hit him when he gets bottom. I always worry I never let him hit bottom fully and he needs to do that, and only then will he legit want help. I also worry about the time soon where he may reach out to me when the binge is over and reality is back on what I should do from there.
It's a sucky/distracting feeling though to have this on my brain. Any advice would be appreciative.
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Originally Posted by gb13k 
I always worry I never let him hit bottom fully and he needs to do that, and only then will he legit want help. I also worry about the time soon where he may reach out to me when the binge is over and reality is back on what I should do from there.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 865
My suggestion - take all this energy you are spending on him and start focusing on you. Even just a walk to clear your head or journal your feelings. I could also suggest Alanon.
You will drive yourself crazy tracking his every move - it is totally not worth it.
You will drive yourself crazy tracking his every move - it is totally not worth it.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I think you have hit on all the key points:
Even though I probably shouldn’t, I have rescued him out of dangerous situations where he was in hotel rooms drinking uncontrollably. (and placing yourself at danger in doing so)
I know that he’s an adult and if that’s what he wanted to do, he can.
I know I just have to let go and let a higher power handle it.
I never let him hit bottom fully and he needs to do that, and only then will he legit want help. (maybe he will and maybe he won’t)
I also worry about the time soon where he may reach out to me when the binge is over and reality is back on what I should do from there. (my suggestion, stop doing all of the above and instead try and figure out why you are putting so much into this person who isn’t putting anything except booze into themselves. Why are you tracking this person, sounds like it’s smart you don’t trust him, maybe that un-trust will keep him out of your house from now on)
This seems to be a typical alcoholic relationship where one is the giver (you) and one is always the taker (this other person) is that the kind of relationships you want in life?
You can’t change him but you sure can change yourself.
Even though I probably shouldn’t, I have rescued him out of dangerous situations where he was in hotel rooms drinking uncontrollably. (and placing yourself at danger in doing so)
I know that he’s an adult and if that’s what he wanted to do, he can.
I know I just have to let go and let a higher power handle it.
I never let him hit bottom fully and he needs to do that, and only then will he legit want help. (maybe he will and maybe he won’t)
I also worry about the time soon where he may reach out to me when the binge is over and reality is back on what I should do from there. (my suggestion, stop doing all of the above and instead try and figure out why you are putting so much into this person who isn’t putting anything except booze into themselves. Why are you tracking this person, sounds like it’s smart you don’t trust him, maybe that un-trust will keep him out of your house from now on)
This seems to be a typical alcoholic relationship where one is the giver (you) and one is always the taker (this other person) is that the kind of relationships you want in life?
You can’t change him but you sure can change yourself.
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