Grandmother and Dementia
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Tampa, FL
Posts: 167
Grandmother and Dementia
Since I came back from rehab, I live at my mother's house since with the last relapse, I lost every thing and I mean every thing (I even went to jail.) I consider myself very lucky to have a mother who, after so many years, so much pain, she still believes in me. Our relationship went to another level since. Anyway, my grandmother lives with us. She has dementia and these last few weeks, she has entered the last stage. She doesn't recognize us, barely walks, cries, is most of the time confused. we have decided mom and I to keep grandma as long as we can and if we can to keep her up to her last breath and not to let he die in a hospital. We would like her to pass at home. It is becoming quite challenging as you can imagine. this morning, i was taking care of her, and i became very grateful, I am in recovery which means I can be fully present for her, reassure her. If I had been drinking or drugging, chances are I would be scaring her as she feels everything. What a gift. i have always been close to my grandmother. I would have never forgive myself if I had been drinking and drugging while my grandmother needs me in such an intense moment. Being in recovery, i can give back what she gave me all her life...
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Sorry to hear about your grandmother, mine is in the late stages of dementia too although she's in a nursing home ( a good one at that ). Glad to hear that you are doing everything you can and seeing your addiction for what it was...a very selfish diseases. Peace to you and your family and thanks for sharing.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Thank you DD. What you and your mom are doing for your grandmother is a wonderful blessing. Please make sure that the two of you get rest. Is there a possibility of getting respite care to come in for a few hours during the week? It's awfully hard. What a gift that you can do this. My thoughts are with you.
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Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Mi
Posts: 1,318
Wow! I really can't say how much I admire you, DD! Both my mother & grandmother died w/& from Dimensia & Alzheimers ( mom died w/dimensia last yr & grandma died from Alzheimer 4yrs ago...she forgot how to eat. )
These diseases of the brain are so heart wrenching to watch unfold! I actually used this as 1 of my very many excuses to use drugs..."I'm just going to end up w/Alzheimers anyways, so f___it!"
You are an inspiration!
These diseases of the brain are so heart wrenching to watch unfold! I actually used this as 1 of my very many excuses to use drugs..."I'm just going to end up w/Alzheimers anyways, so f___it!"
You are an inspiration!
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
That IS beautiful. Well done, and congratulations on being able to be with your grandmother.
One of my biggest regrets is that, when my grandmother entered this stage (despite always having been the First-Born-Favourite according to other in the family) I was more interested in satisfying my lust for my hedonistic lifestyle than spending time with her. This, despite the fact that she was always there for me, and cared for me every day while my mother worked until I was old enough to start school. When she stopped recognising me and was getting upset and confused I stopped visiting altogether.
As a result I never really grieved her death properly (I felt to ashamed to emotionally engage with it) and am often still blown away with out-of-the-blue grief - for example, driving to work this morning I remembered her singing a song from The King and I to me when I was little and us dancing together to it. My feelings of grief are both for me losing her, and her feeling betrayed by my selfishness. My sponsor tells me that I wouldn't have been any use to her in the state I was in, so it was probably for the best that I stayed away, but I still feel wretched about it. And that's 26 years ago now!
I am so so so happy for you that you will not be making the same mistake as me. Well done. You are an ace grand daughter xx
One of my biggest regrets is that, when my grandmother entered this stage (despite always having been the First-Born-Favourite according to other in the family) I was more interested in satisfying my lust for my hedonistic lifestyle than spending time with her. This, despite the fact that she was always there for me, and cared for me every day while my mother worked until I was old enough to start school. When she stopped recognising me and was getting upset and confused I stopped visiting altogether.
As a result I never really grieved her death properly (I felt to ashamed to emotionally engage with it) and am often still blown away with out-of-the-blue grief - for example, driving to work this morning I remembered her singing a song from The King and I to me when I was little and us dancing together to it. My feelings of grief are both for me losing her, and her feeling betrayed by my selfishness. My sponsor tells me that I wouldn't have been any use to her in the state I was in, so it was probably for the best that I stayed away, but I still feel wretched about it. And that's 26 years ago now!
I am so so so happy for you that you will not be making the same mistake as me. Well done. You are an ace grand daughter xx
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
My mother had dementia for the last five years of her life, the last two and a half spent in assisted living, where she got her meds and got good meals. It's hard on the caregivers. I would suggest respite care for your grand mother sometimes so you and your mom can get a break. 
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