sknghlp

I am completely confused right now. I feel completely lost. My AH has been doing great for two weeks and I have hoped that he was really working towards a change. Tonight he made the decision to choose drugs over me...AGAIN! I think I have realized that he will never change. All he keeps saying is "I love you ".

My predicament is that my children are step children and our home is mine. I do not want to involve the law because I don't want DCF involved in my life nor do I want my children to go through the possibility of being taken away from the home they have grown up in. So what do I do about leaving my husband? I choose me and my happiness. .. but he will not leave nor can the cops make him leave (I have tried that in the past).

I'm so heartbroken that addiction wins out again in another relationship in my life. Though I have not even sheaded a tear tonight. I am angry and hurt and do not know what to do...

Thanks for letting me vent!

GardenMama

I'm sorry for your pain. You are really in a bind. Definitely find an AlAnon meeting! I just suggested it on your other post, but felt weak about it with regard to your stepson...Since you have an AH as well, you definitely need to get to a meeting ASAP!

Finding a counselor or therapist with some specialization in addiction sounds essential as well.

I hope you find some relief today and do something nice for yourself. It really helps, even if it is small. Any books by Melody Beattie are calming as well, and full of great advice.

sknghlp

Thank you for your advice. I have found an al-anon meeting close by for tomorrow night. I am also looking for counselors in my area. I just need some peace of mind. It is hard to realize that there is nothing I can do to stop what is happening in my own house.

zoso77

Well, the one thing I want to point out here is if you were to leave him, you would be choosing to protect your sanity.

Sometimes in this life, we're faced with situations where any choice we make isn't what we want to do. And we can't tell you what to do, sknghlp. But what we can do is to encourage you to get in touch with your own moral and ethical compass. You have to be honest about what you're up against. You have to be honest about how long you're willing to ride it out with your husband. And if you're at the end of the road on that front, then you need to take appropriate action while being fully aware that action has its drawbacks.

I encourage you to find and read as many posts as you can from women who've been in similar situations with their husbands and with kids in the mix. The more you know, the better equipped you'll be to make the right decision for you.

Be safe, and keep us posted.

sknghlp

I spent hours last night reading post, and it did help. I can not stay in the situation I am in.
This morning my AH wakes as though nothing is wrong. . I'm so tired of that. I have been trying to better myself for years and he keeps bringing me down. I know deep in my heart what I need to do, I just don't know how to do it.
My whole world keeps crashing down around me. I have to figure out if I should stay or if I should go. If his children were not involved the decision would be so much easier.

zoso77

Well, I think you know what to do. The problem is, as you noted, is it's going to be incredibly, incredibly hard and perhaps even traumatic.

How old are the kids?

sknghlp

My stepchildren are 12 and 16. We have full custody of the oldest one and 50/50 custody of the 12 year old.

zoso77

Just thinking out loud here, but you may want to consider speaking with a lawyer who's got the pertinent background before you make a move. You need to consider all your options going forward.

I'll put a call out here to see if any of our members have been in a similar spot with stepchildren.

hopeful4

I second what Zoso just said. An attorney can give you a free consult and point you in the right direction.

Hugs to you.

sknghlp

Thank you all so much... I love my husband but have realized he is not going to change.. the only thing that has changed is me. I have turned into a control freak! And am never happy anymore.
I will start looking for a free attorney consultation right now. I don't want to lose my family but if my husband can't fix himself I can not be under the same roof.