Cwtch

Heartbroken!!! Was married for 16yrs he had an affair,, he left me for her.
6 months later then I met an amazing guy!! Who's funny, lovely to be with! we moved in together 6mths down the road. Know it was quick, rebound, that's what people said. I never felt I clicked with anyone, like I felt with this amazing guy. Then when living together realised he was dependent on alcohol, every single day. Constantly bailing him out, with money. Then in drink he would made snide comments. Always brining my X up, started putting me down. Tried sooo hard to make him have confidence in him self.
I felt like he was sucking all my positive energy from me.
After two yrs I snapped and threw him out(3wks ago)

Feel so broken & so alone, miss him, so much. When I asked him to leave it got nasty. He parents came for all his stuff, I got on so well, with all his family. When we separated they said they wld always be there and we would keep in touch. They felt like the family I never had.

After 3wks of missing him so much, I went to visit his sister, to try mend bridges. After a very tearful visit and being told he's not touchd any alchol since and sorting himself out and he's the best he's ever been. I have felt such sadness and I'm hurting. I let him go because of his alchol problem, even as much as I loved him, I couldn't take it anymore.

I've had no contact since I chucked him out, 3wks ago, feeling low tonight I txd him at 7pm. He's not replied. Tx said was sorry it ended the way it did and if he wanted to talk I was ready, and I would understand if he never wanted to spk to me again!!!
Hurting and lost x

Katchie

Hi there. I'm so sorry you're hurting. Give it time. Work on you and your own recovery; you've been thru a lot. Are there alanon meetings you can attend? Friends that can listen? Go for a walk?
Hugs...it will get better.

Refiner

And does he and his sister live with each other 24/7? I'm highly skeptical that he just stopped cold and is better than he's ever been. I'm sure that's the front he's putting on bc could you imagine him telling the truth?

maia1234

CW- Being sober and working a program are 2 different things, remember that. The best thing you ever did was throw him out. He didn't deserve you, he has an addiction and that will always come first. If he was getting sober, he will be working a program, and if he wasn't in a bar or drunk tonight, I think he would have texted you back.

Please don't take 10 steps back. You threw him out for a reason. I understand that you are lonely, but being a lonely girlfriend of an A is worse then just being lonely.

Take this time and get to know yourself. You went form one relationship to another. Maybe if you took the time after your divorce to find out who you were, then maybe you wouldn't be in this situation.

Hit some alanon meetings, take time for yourself. You will read, that life is never pretty loving an alcoholic. I know, I did it for 34 years and it never gets better. REad, read and read more. (((((((hugs)))))))))))

Duckygirl1

(Hugs)))
Give it time dear one. I agree with refiner and Maia. 3 weeks does not a sober person make. A's are very crafty and are good at fooling people into thinking that they've turned over a new leaf. All alcoholics are sober some of the time.

Don't torture yourself with texting. HE is the one who should be sorry it ended that way! So what if he's hurting and lost? That may be the low point that he needs to hit. Let him. He needs the dignity of not being rescued. Never apologize for protecting yourself

Let's be honest here. It's YOU who are hurting and lost, YOU are ready to talk and be there for him because you want him back. It's easier than working on your own pain that drove you to move in with a man in a mere 6 months. He hasn't replied because he doesn't want to. You chasing him down will drive him further off. I'm saying this as one who's lived it. Take all of your love, concern and support and turn it inwards.

.

Cwtch

Thank you so much for all the advice really appreciated!!!
I've been doing a lot of reading, meditation and walking my beautiful dog Bella. I've been trying so hard to move on but last night for the first time in a very long time I felt suicidal. I drank to oblivion must ave passed out as woke this morning on the bathroom floor. Makes me think it's me who has the problem.
I have met up with xbf today, we have agreed to try again and take it a step at the time and not live together. Im not ready to walk away, I kno I may regret it but if I do try I will always be thinking it cld ave worked. X

maia1234

Cw- You have to do what is best for you. We are always here for you to reach out to.

((((((((hugs my friend))))))))))

LadyinBC

I'm an alcoholic and personally I think you should get out now while you can. I will always be an alcoholic and so will this man. You always have to remember this. Take the worse of his behaviour and decide if this is what you want for the rest of your life.

3 weeks is not enough time for recovery. It has taken me years of working on myself and not giving in to the urge to drink again.

A previous poster is right, to quit drinking is one thing, learning to live and cope sober is totally something else.

You have to look at the cycle we put you thru. He treats you like crap and you are worried that he won't talk to you again. This is classic alcoholic behaviour and manipulation. I have done it myself.

Find someone who will treasure you, cherish you and treat you with respect at ALL times. Never settle for anything less than that.