1JerseyGirl

I've posted a couple weeks ago about my AH. We have been separated for almost 2 months because of his active addiction and being unfaithful while in a sober living house.. Everyday is an emotional rollercoaster ride for me but I can say I have begun to feel myself becoming stronger as I have been putting myself and my children first. I have been doing little things here and there to make me happy and honestly I enjoy the peace I now have in my home. Although my AH and I are separated, I have to admit that I felt a sense of joy in hearing that he was clean and recently got a job and a sponser etc. But I was skeptical about this being longstanding. Nevertheless, I was happy for him. Anyway long story short, his mother asked that I test him at her home where he has being staying because of some odd behavior. Sure enough, he tested positive for opiates and cocaine...I am trying to pretend like this didn't bother me, but it does. I hate that somehow I allow myself to believe he will get it right this time. I know I shouldnt be concerned with what he is doing and I detach myself from him most of the time, but there is a part of me that feels like I will always have hope.. Is that wrong? Is it unhealthy to be hopeful at a distance? He recently got a phone and has been calling me but after this I told him not to contact me unless it has anything to do with it children. I hate that even though he isn't under my roof, I care..I hate caring, when he doesn't even care......just venting.

zoso77

I would be more worried if you didn't care. He's your husband. He's the father of your children. So of course you're going to care.

But what you need to understand is you can still care for him while being realistic about his chances of recovery. At the moment, they don't appear to be very good. He's with another woman from the program, and he's still using. All you can do in this life, JerseyGirl, is make decisions based on the facts and what is best for you and your kids.

And you know what? That can be brutally hard sometimes. Our heads tell us one thing. Our hearts tell us another. And it can be a battle. But when you're dealing with someone addicted to coke and opiates, there is no room for denial. You can be compassionate. You can hope the best for him. But that doesn't mean you allow him to disrupt your life and the lives of your kids.

Hang in there...keep us posted.

1JerseyGirl

Thank you Zoso77. From my understanding he is no longer seeing the woman from sober living. She is over an hour away now ..supposedly it was just a fling, whatever that means...but I know better than to believe that anyway. but that is not to say that he isn't seeing someone else as it appears he is impulsive with his decisions..... I feel terrible for his mom as he is now putting her through what he has put me through for years. I know it's hard for her to kick him out so she is trying to help him find his own place but he is putting no effort on his end because I'm sure he would prefer to live there and pay close to nothing so that he has enough to buy drugs. I've told her about this site because it has helped me out tremendously. Hopefully it will do the same for her.

zoso77

Responsible men don't betray their wives or children by having a fling with another woman. Infidelity is infidelity.

Remember: believe what your eyes are telling you, for they don't lie.